Is anyone vulnerable still isolating? Covid

[KindredPoodle]

My father was told to isolate years ago during the first wave of covid, because some immune suppressant medication he had to take every few years made him temporarily clinically vulnerable.

Years later, he is still following this advice and claims that he still had to isolate for safety . He sees nobody, insists on washing the food delivery in bleach solution, quarantines the post and doesn’t allow my mum to go into anyone’s houses or get close to them. It suits him because he’s naturally antisocial and quite controlling, but it’s destroying her life.

So my question is, is ANYONE else who was told to isolate (back when covid was a big scary unknown threat, and we had no vaccines or knowledge of how to treat it) still isolating? My sense is that very few are, and my dad is doing it out of some combination of fear, mental health and habit

There is no need for testing or isolating anymore. People need to work. You can’t stay at home because of a cold. I’m not in the UK and in our country we had no lockdown or endless rules. People still went to work and school. And in the end there was no real difference, other than our economy was better for it and young people don’t have as many mh problems like some other countries.

It’s honestly you that are selfish for thinking people should because YOU would feel safer. Go out and enjoy your life while you have it, go and have a pub lunch.

Did your consultant tell you to continue shielding @CwmYoy ? What condition do you have?

I still take precautions. I will sanitise, wipe handles on shopping with dettol wipes , open windows etc . I also avoid very crowded places . If that makes me so called mentally ill ,then so be it.
My partner and I are both immunosuppressed and there is plenty of awful viruses around , not just covid.
It's just basic hygiene and unfortunately , because the general public are not taking precautions, then the risk to the vulnerable is actually higher .
In terms of your father ,I read he was temporarily immuno -comprimised . He's healthy now?
Can there not be some compromise and your mum visit people and just open a window?

Christ, how tiresome. Her poor family 😳

People become agoraphobic and housebound for various reasons. It sounds like this may have happened to your father. I would look up advice for people who have family who are agoraphobic.

@notmycrow It is not just a cold. Misinformation helps no one.
Unless advised by a Consultant or Dr recently to shield, then no one should be. People have always been advised to partially shield when undergoing some types of chemo for example, so this is nothing new.

Two consultants have told me to shield. I am seen every 3 months. I prefer not to disclose my diagnosis (plural). There are several. I am also immunocompromised and in remission from cancer.

I am a wheelchair user now and my health has been in a slow decline for some years. However, until Covid, I was leading an active life and enjoying company and socialising.

I am not afraid of dying but I am fearful of the manner of my death having had 2 close relatives die from Covid in harrowing circumstances.

@CwmYoy You do not have to justify yourself. Consultants have told you to shield so it makes sense to follow medical advice.

Some people's lack of hygiene/germ spreading has gone back to pre covid levels from my experience when shopping/out and about

Customers leaving used tissues in trolleys, coughing without covering up their mouths, holding cash in their mouths. Retail staff and others I have seen refuse notes being in customers' mouths and rightly so. Seen customers kick off about it. Well stop doing that disgusting habit then. It has never been a been a good habit pre/during/now.

The worst one IMO are those who throw used masks onto the ground.

Thing is now with test kits are not free and been so for over 2 years now. People refuse to cough up to pay for test kits now. So when they feel low and unwell, they class it as a cold.

Well obviously not
I have two cev in my small family of four but guess what neither of them have the luxury of staying at home whenever they feel.a bit ill,
We are four-year ,s into this now ,let me make a wild guess your somebody who can work from home?

@x2boys We are four-year ,s into this now ,let me make a wild guess your somebody who can work from home?

I'm retired now. But DS1 works from home for as much as possible as he is in a similar position. DS2 is in work but his workmates are aware of his health issues and they test if they feel ill. And stay away from him.

But you must be aware that not everyone has that luxury my dh was placed on the CEV sheilding list during the second wave of civid when more people where added
And my son was critically ill last year neither of them can stay at home
And nobody will pay our bills
By all means keep yourself shielded but you can't expect others too.

@Harara 'Yep, and the people who refuse to wear a mask or make any mitigations when it’s clear they’ve got Covid won’t be offering to pay the bills of the people they give long covid and/or a hospitalisable infection to.'

Ethics aside, I do wonder what the difference in costs to the economy are between current policy and making it easier for people to isolate when covid positive. The financial press seems to think current policy is unsustainable and I tend to agree.

How do you manage all the other myriad of dangerous viruses and germs? How did you manage before covid?

I say this as someone extremely vulnerable. I won’t spend whatever years I have left inside the house but I won’t, for example, go to a child’s birthday party where there are 50 snotty toddlers inside a hall in winter.

I cannot understand what someone like your father wants to stay alive FOR if it is such an isolated misery which even worse, he is imposing on someone he is supposed to love. We all had to put up with the restrictions for varying lengths of time but even as a much younger person than your parents, I'd not have been able to live like that for years on end, it's just existing isn't it?

My mum and uncle aren't far from that behaviour. They let me come in once a week to visit but that's about it. They never go anywhere now.

What life is that ? I mean seriously - thats a prison sentence in isolation.
He is using fear to bully and isolate her. Just another form of DV

I totally had my head around the need for isolation and did isolate when Covid was a new, poorly understood disease with few treatments and hospitals busier than usual. There are vaccines, treatments and we are more than 4 years down the line. What’s the point of fighting to be as healthy as possible to spend my entire life inside the house?
I have always taken precautions, for example; a dinner with a friend who has a nasty cold and cough in a small kitchen can be postponed without me feeling I’m hiding away.

The only people who I know who “shield” are those who are doing it on a temporary basis, they would have needed it before Covid anyway. It’s medical conditions like post chemo, post organ transplant or post bone marrow or stem cell transplant.

I’m going through chemo and wouldn’t dream of isolating.

@Berlinlover with some chemos and cancer the advice is to isolate. My friend did not and ended up nearly dying and in an isolation room in hospital for a month.

My DM is to some extent choosing to live like this. However it’s not really a very free or simple choice for her is it? There is a lot of coercion and pressure on her from my dad (who genuinely believes that if she doesn’t follow isolation rules she is risking his life so must not love him) to support him and help him, and he can also be very unkind and shunning if she doesn’t. She also loves my dad, and is happy with him some of the time and doesn’t really want to leave him, and she’s old and realistically a horrible acrimonious divorce and then having to re establish a life on her own with less money and no companion, and watch from afar as my dad decays and implodes alone, is also not an appealing prospect for her

I think you've summed it up very well, OP, but this is also why it'll make no difference at all if you produce "evidence" of official advice or what others are doing. He's got a firm idea fixed in his head, probably quite enjoys manipulating your mum with it, and she's prepared to go along with this because the alterative's seen as being worse

Sometimes there really isn't anything you can do no matter how "unfair" things seem, and in this case it's probably something they need to sort out themselves

You’re probably right but the evidence of what other people are doing or what the official advice is is not for my dad - it’s for my mum. She has been partly convinced by him that he does need to shield, or at least she sort of makes herself half believe it because it’s easier to cope with if she feels like there is a real reason behind it. I am trying to help her get her head out of the sand, in the hope that she gets the courage to confront him and insist things need to change a bit - because she’s really the only one who can do it. If she chooses not to, so be it, but I at least want her to face up to reality

I completely get where you're coming from and appreciate what you said about the "evidence" being for your mum, but what if she doesn't want to face up to reality and resents you pushing it at her?

From all you've said she doesn't sound an unintelligent woman and probably realises all too well the situation she's in, but decisions on what to do about it have to be hers

Certainly you can support her in making wise ones, but frustrating as it is I honestly wouldn't hold out too much hope of real change

Sorry to hear that OP

i just want to put here my mum is in a nursing home and they are completely back to normal now. No restrictions at all and back to pre-covid visiting now (all residents did have to shield to the highest level for years though)

the only thing that happens now is all residents get the latest covid booster. Everything else is back to normal much to the relief of everyone there