Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

It's not a concept at all, legally. In the UK it is not possible for a woman to rape a man, as rape is specifically defined as penetration with a penis.

Possibly new in the sense that "women" can have dicks now

I saw a clip of that programme milf manor, women aged between 45-59 aprox foaming at the mouth for a group of early young twenty something boys. It was embarrassing. Most of these women have sons this age. Why would a 59 year old date a 21 year old? Creepy. Same as it would be the other way round.

This was true when I was a teenager and still is. I don't think it will ever change actually. I used to avoid the fathers of my friends and wart good reason. One friend who did the babysitting for another friends family was raped by the father when he drove her back home to her parents. He imagined because he was handsome (he was) that she would be interested. She had zero understanding of men at that time and it affected her whole life. None of us said anything. He was very flirtatious

My friend married her teacher! As a teacher myself I can't get my head around not seeing the ex student as a child still

The whole premise of that tv show is grim. It's likely insecure older women who need an ego boost thinking they still have it and can pull a younger man. Fame for the younger man too. Win win. It's just as wrong if the sexes are reversed.

I don’t think it’s always disgusting or weird I think it depends. I had a relationship with a man 20 years older than me when I was almost 20 . We had a child. He’s a great man , not creepy and had never been in an age gap relationship before or since me. We met, fell in love , had a healthy relationship and split on good terms and have remained great friends and co parents . Our child is now 21. No one I know ever thought of him as creepy. I certainly don’t.

I know of another man who has had repeated age gap relationships . The first was 19 and he was 40. Currently he’s 48 and his latest girlfriend is ( a very young looking ) 22. He dresses young , drives a “boy racer” car and just gives me the creeps .

For me there was no specific age related reason that I went for him - age was irrelevant . However , now I am in no way attracted to him and haven’t been for a very long time. I can’t imagine being with him in that way . Attraction had nothing to do with the split but I know had we stayed together I wouldn’t have been attracted to him still at this point. Age also definitely played a part in us not working - we wanted different things , I wanted to socialise and enjoy life he wanted to work and relax- family time , Sunday roasts , garden centres - and that was it.

The only people I normally see trying to link gay relationships with age difference relationships are those trying to get pedophilia under the queer umbrella in order to try to normalise it

Otherwise there would literally be no reason at all to link gay relationships with age gap, especially when we are talking about teenagers and older men, relationships would there? It would be as equivalent as saying "do you think relationships between an abled bodied person and a disabled person are wrong" or "do you think interracial relationships are wrong"

They are so clearly unrelated that is a wierd, irrelevant question, unless you have seen some of the things pedophile groups have been trying to do

Just grim. Surely any normal person especially a parent of teens themselves sees them as kids. Disgusting

People always bring up Aaron and Sam Taylor Johnson as some sort of gotcha on these threads despite the fact that I have literally never seen anyone - let alone a woman - defend their relationship. And surely the fact that they're always brought as the One Example of this highlights just how rare it is for a much older woman to get into a relationship with a much younger man - the reverse is so common you could probably pick 10 celebrity men at random and it would apply to most of them.

These threads also always have a token torturer burbling away about differing maturity levels, actually-my-lovely-grandad-loved-my-nan-all-his-life-despite-their-45-year-age-gap, Emmanuel Macron, inane evopsych bullshit.

For me there was no specific age related reason that I went for him - age was irrelevant.

To you, maybe.

Not to him.

Assuming you're about the same age now as when you met this man, would you consider dating a teenager? Would their age be relevant to you or not?

Honestly I can’t think of any decent person that would date a teenager in his 40s ! I don’t care how anyone tries to “paint “ it .

I think Aaron Taylor-Johnson will likely leave for someone younger in a few years time now his career is kicking off even more. Such a weird and odd match.

A relationship doesn't have to end with people dead or in prison to be off, or creepy or an abuse of power ffs

BlusteryLake: Oh yes. Some friends of mine have a 13 year old DD. She is tall and slim and looks a year or two older than 13, but doesn't dress "older". They were having a family pub lunch when some old perv thought it perfectly acceptable to send her over a glass of wine with his compliments. Her dad went over, told him her age, and he didn't even have the grace to apologise

this is absolutely shocking, truly revolting

@MrsTerryPratchett isn't being sexist ffs

However men mansplaining sexism to women (with an "as a man as the icing on the cake...)

Excellent summary

It's especially distasteful given that they met when he was an up and coming teenaged actor and she was an experienced and successful director. She was his boss, which makes the power differential even more stark.

And yes, I'd say exactly the same if the genders were reversed, as they usually are in these situations.

I think an age gap of more than 2-3 years in teenagers, or 4-5 years in the early 20s, is not particularly healthy.

What's considered acceptable/ unacceptable though? I lost my virginity at 17 to a 23 year old and have never considered that wrong. Had he been 33 I might feel differently, I'm not sure. But at 45 I cannot imagine being attracted to an 18 or 19yo - it does most often tend to be men who are much older than the female in the relationship.

I was that young woman. I am no longer with that man, I was 19 with a one year old and he was 30.

Everybody talked about how wonderful he was for taking us on blah blah blah.

We have two children together.

I am now in therapy because of his gaslighting and psychological abuse during and since the relationship ended. I split with him 9 years ago and he still tries to control me. (I am aware non age difference relationships can and are like this/

I was young and changed everything I am for him and was very very unhappy for years, but everybody always claimed how wonderful he was, so I assumed I was just wrong.

My daughter is now an adult and she thinks it's gross, and she told him. He was very angry.

I agree with her.

He would say I was an adult and chose to be with him.

I say that he chose a vulnerable young woman to mold into his expectation of a woman.

It’s totally natural for middle aged men to be attracted to older teen girls - they represent youth, vitality and fertility. There’s something very unnerving about a dude who admits it and has dated them!!!!

Dd - 20 days she gets less attention from old creepy bastards than she did at 13/14. She used to catch the bus. She did not look above her age. She was going to her hobby so always had zero make up on, hair scraped back. Baggy practical clothing, think oversized hoody, joggers, trainers.
She says the attention she received from men old enough to be her dad and the rest was vile.
Sexual comments.
She still wears the same type of clothes but receives less unwanted attention from these creepy wankers now that she is above the age of consent.
Some older men are absolutely vile.
Fhus had re ended me of a friends dd. Passed her driving test at 17 and had a car. To cut a long story short the disgusting pervert, married with 3 dcs, older than her own father, who had worked on her car, was sacked when her father reported the messages he had sent her via social media.
Sacked on the spot.
Bet his wife still doesn’t know that she is married to a creep.

.....nah.

Yep! Mine started at age 12 and still get many pervs every day in my 40s. But the van and lorry beeps were mostly 12-13