Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

That photo! The dyed hair and mustache!

Was she even born when he was in his prime? Could she have named any of his songs before starting to 'date' him? I doubt it.

I agree, I used to have sex with men in their 30s when I was 16/17.. Thought it was normal but it really wasn't.
I actually think they should rethink the age of consent law, keep it at 16 but only with a
Partner 20 or under.

Late teens ate 'grown women '

Where have I defended middle aged creeps?
I meant you can't go around calling people nonces when they are in a legal relationship, no matter how much you think its wrong. You could find yourself in trouble.

I'm not saying it's a good thing but young people have to make their own mistakes and learn from them.
There is way too much infantilisation of youngsters by their parents nowadays. No bloody wonder so many them can't cope in the adult world!!

It's funny how men that claim "age is irrelevant, we have a connection" with women 20 years younger never, but never, find the same "connection" with women 20 years older than them.

I'm sure.

Exactly..
I hated the attention when I was younger and still hate it. Thankfully in reality most people are with people their own age.

It is not 'absolute nonsense' that sexist views are rife among men. You are correct that it has no place in the modern world but the reality is that regardless, sexism is everywhere. I appreciate that many, perhaps even most, men don't think that way but I think it is wildly optimistic that applies to 99% of men.

It is good that you acknowledge and respect that women are good at running companies but that doesn't negate the reality that it is overwhelmingly men who are appointed to run companies. Why do you think that would be?

Please do not negate and dismiss as nonsense the lived experience of women much of which is accessible on this thread. The respect you say you have for women should come in handy to help you avoid that.

My son who is in his mid 30s would be repulsed at the thought of being with someone younger than mid 20s

He is sweet getting you to believe that.

Has anyone else noticed how men of a certain age (say 40-45+) seem to develop a weird lust for very young girls? Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think guys in their 20s or 30s feel the same. Something seems to change when men hit middle-age. I became very aware of it one summer when I took my slim, and very pretty, 12-year-old niece into town. It was a hot summer, so she had bare legs and a tight top. The number of pervy looks she got off older men disgusted me. And these were men in their 50s and 60s - often out shopping with their wives. But it never seemed to be men in their 20s, that’s what struck me. We would pass groups of lads in their 20s or early 30s and they’d ignore her.

A couple more examples. We used to meet my in-laws for a drink on a Sunday, and during the hot weather would sit in the beer garden. Several times I caught my FIL (in his 60s) ogling the young girls on the swings (we’re talking 11-14). He would do it when he thought no one was looking. I was also told by a neighbour that the old boy who lived opposite (70+) made some very inappropriate remarks to her then 13-year-old daughter. I always liked the old chap, so this really disappointed me. Has anyone else noticed this?

When I was younger, I was attracted to men from late 20s to early/ mid 30s. Blame early exposure to Harrison Ford. In my 40s, I'm attracted to men 30-50. And dh, of course. Even though he's over 50. But he's not in my head cos I can't reconcile 50+ with my generation. That's my parents'.

Yes!
I put down to men losing inhibitions as they get older, plus their generation generally being encouraged to perv and not be called out on inappropriateness etc

I remember that being the case when I was 12, nearly 30 years ago. Often among 60 plus year olds too which made me want to puke.

When we were 15/16 a few of us dated guys in their mid 20s. It seemed fine but one of the 'couples' went on to get married and are still together now many years later. They have a 15 year old daughter now and it gives me the ick knowing that my friend was that age when she got together with her husband. We were just kids.

I actually think theres far more paedophiles, ephebophiles and hebephiles than we realise.

Hartley99

Yes. When you have daughters you notice these ogling, inappropriate pervs everywhere. & its a reminder of going through the same at a really young age. I was still in school uniform when I got comments and approaches. Including from old gits at older family and friends gatherings. I do think its an age thing, and these men kidding themselves they can compete with young men. They don't seem to be able to accept their youth has fled but I wouldnt say men a bit younger don't do it; mens say in their 30s chasing 15 year olds is common enough. They all just want sex with a young tight body don't they.

Most relationships I know are couples of similar age, there aren't hordes of young girls chasing older men although patriarchal society and media strive to plant the thought that there are.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes, that's me. I think it's absolutely inappropriate and many levels of wrong.

Because childhood trauma, emotional neglect and unavailable fathers.

Absolutely. In fact, I suspect the majority of men over 40 secretly fantasise about underage girls. Of course, there is a difference between fantasy and reality. No doubt many of them wouldn’t act on that fantasy. But many would - given the chance. Think of all the men you know. How many of them would you leave alone with your pretty 14-year-old daughter? I can think of at least three older men in my neighbourhood I would never trust.

@Hartley99 Fucking grim. A friend I once knew in his 40s said a teenager was flirting with him and was very excited by it. No longer a friend. He still tries to get in touch by my boundaries are high when it comes to sick fucks.

Oh yes. Some friends of mine have a 13 year old DD. She is tall and slim and looks a year or two older than 13, but doesn't dress "older". They were having a family pub lunch when some old perv thought it perfectly acceptable to send her over a glass of wine with his compliments. Her dad went over, told him her age, and he didn't even have the grace to apologise.

Hartley99

sadly I agree with you, I can remember how much male attention I would get and my friends in our school uniform (I suddenly had huge boobs on a tiny little frame and looked 12 with I was 14)

I can remember how men I knew, friends dads (not all) would look at me differently and would often make suggestive comments they would behave differently too

Yes, I notice this with dd. I actually think men 40 up are the ones hugely addicted to porn. I think younger men are trying to pull away from it more, where 40+ still see the novelty because they didn't have it when they were younger.

Also younger men have grown up having better understanding that women haven't had great chances in history, they are recognising that women aren't just sex/baby machines (NALM as men would always point out!) and trying to explore other options - if you listen to the R4 podcast About The Boys you'll hear them saying they wished they were born in a different decade, pre-porn.

I think 40+ men are struggling to be role models to boys because of this and it is impacting our current teens. It's older men who try to gaslight and say porn isn't a problem everyone does it etc etc (and have usually lost relationships over their porn use), not the younger ones.