Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

Half the man's age plus 7 years is the minimum age he should date. Originally that was meant to be the ideal age he should marry.

Very much outdated to me but some people still mention it

@randomchap yep very outdated, just an excuse to date young.

I did say in my OP that it was a man who thought it was ok to date teenagers when he was in his 40s. He's now in his late 60s and was recently dating a very vulnerable young woman in her early 20s until she committed suicide.

But most men don't "accumulate status and resources" as they age.

I never said they did. However, those that do have a significantly more opportunities in the dating market.

It is remarkable what a different conversation you're trying to have than the one this thread is about.

Actually, you did seem to be speaking in general terms.

Women under the age of 25 have a great deal of power when it comes to dating. After than it diminishes over time. Conversely, as men accumulate status and resources, their power increases. These reasons are why as men and women get older, the typical age gap increases.

You were trotting out the old cliche about how women's 'power' in the 'dating market' is exclusively linked to their youthful looks, whereas men's is all about 'status and resources' which increase as they age.

The reality is that middle aged men are not attractive to young women. The 'dating market' is full of them, but women don't want them.

When I was 16 I had a 21 year old boyfriend. A friend told me that after we were introduced he took her to one side to ask if I was 16 and therefore legal. I was too young and naive to see how icky that was and he wasn’t a good boyfriend in any sense of the word. Now that I’ve got my own teenage dc I can see how sick this is. Thankfully my dc seem to have a much clearer understanding of what is an appropriate age gap and would be fucking appalled if a 21 year old came sniffing around.

I also had a boyfriend in his 30’s when I turned 20 which also seems icky now, although at the time I thought he was a good one. He used to tell me I was a spoiled brat and a baby all the time and I used to try to be more ‘grown up’ to please him. Even though I had no interest in talking about his boring interests or shopping for stuff for his home. I look back and cringe tbh. I was obviously far younger than him so wtf would be expect me to be mature?

Same, the shit I used to get coerced into doing with men when I was 16/17/18 actually makes me so angry now. One in particular was awful, he'd make me feel sexually immature and like all older women do anal ect.. Like he was doing me a favour by teaching me about these things!Just gross.. He was in his mid thirties, I was still in 6th form!
He lived with his mum and dad and I'd sit and have dinner with them, so weird, my sons 22 and I'd not for one second entertain him bringing a girl home of that age, Not that he has thank god. I also think that today's young people have a better grasp on what's appropriate.

@IcedPurple well said 🙌🏼

igomeow I totally empathise, was coerced when I was a teenager (am now in 70s). We don't forget these things, however life does go on and improves.

Then you can just ignore it. Or me. Either works 👌

You were trotting out the old cliche about how women's 'power' in the 'dating market' is exclusively linked to their youthful looks, whereas men's is all about 'status and resources' which increase as they age.

No, I did not say it was exclusively about their looks, nor did I say for men it was exclusively about status.

I said that that men compared with women chose partners on the basis of physical attractiveness and youth, and women compared with men chose partners on a variety of traits including status, health, kindness and intelligence.

Both of these statements are objectively true.

So, for the umpteenth time, can you stop wilfully misrepresenting my posts?

The reality is that middle aged men are not attractive to young women. The 'dating market' is full of them, but women don't want them.

That’s odd because MN is littered with posts by women who have married men with children. Somebody’s finding them attractive enough to marry and have children with.

I said that that men compared with women chose partners on the basis of physical attractiveness and youth, and women compared with men chose partners on a variety of traits including status, health, kindness and intelligence.

Both of these statements are objectively true.

Are they?

Most men I know do not only base their opinion of women on "physical attractiveness and youth". If they did, then they're going to have problems, because there are only so many young and attractive women to go round. Most men I know choose partners on a variety of factors, including those you attribute to women.

So I'm not sure this is 'objectively true' at all.

I don't know about 'littered' but you'll find all sorts of relationships described here if you're looking for them.

The fact remains that most women prefer men close to their own age. Women are not dating men twice their age in any great numbers at all. If that's the type of man they want, good for them, as internet dating sites are full of them.

And then to regret ...going by most of the 'blended family' posts.

Exactly! The vast majority of men over 45 who are so desperate to date a woman, (and preferably a much younger one,) have fuck-all 'power and resources.' 😆 As has been said, most of them will be dishing out money to the ex, and their children. If he has never been married/has no ex and children, then you have to ask why.

Most of these single middle aged men (and some who are married!) are pretty repugnant, yet the really think they are the bees knees. They are mostly boring, balding, and out of shape, and they are lazy, and have zero hobbies. And as a pp said, many have an addiction to porn, and are misogynistic. The vast majority are a terrible catch.

I have a friend right now - she and her DH are late 50s - and she said she would leave him if she could afford to live alone, and was 10-15 years younger. He is boring and dull and lazy, he never lifts a finger in the house, he has zero hobbies, and he never leaves the house except to go to work (3 days a week he does!)

AND she knows he talks to young women online as she can see him doing it! (He doesn't know this!) He does it on Twitter and Facebook. He 'likes' most pictures of attractive young fit 18-25 y.o. women, and comments on them, saying things like 'you are hot babe!' and 'wish I was that chair!' when a young, almost-naked woman is straddling a chair/has her legs wrapped round it. When you meet him, he is a nice, happy-go-lucky, pleasant, friendly, affable chap. But underneath, he is a creepy misogynist pig who lusts after women 30-35 years younger.

They haven't had sex for 14-15 years because he had issues (erectile disfunction,) and she really isn't fussed - and assumed he wasn't. Yet he seems to lust after it with much younger women. (Younger than their daughter.) Dirty fucking pig. I can barely bring myself to look at him, or speak to him since she told me this the other week. 😖

Women don't do this... Trawl the internet for pictures of random men 30-35 years younger, and try to engage in conversation with them, hitting on them, posting sleazy comments, and 'liking' all the photos. What the actual fucking fuck is wrong with men?! I'm not even saying SOME men, because I believe deep down, that all men (45+) have it in them somewhere. (That sleazy 'I wanna fuck a hot young girl between 16 and 25 who is wearing stockings and suspenders and high heels!' thought.) Vile. 😖

🤢

I have always been confused as to why so many men think that so many woman are charmed by them especially when years younger

often we are just being polite having a normal conversation but it seems to many men we are telling them we want more

it would never ever occur to be because I get on well with younger male colleagues (as I do all my colleagues) that they find me attractive they don’t why would they ffs

it happened so often when I was young and I could never understand what I had said/done to make these men think that I was in anyway interested but of course I hadn’t they were deluded

AND she knows he talks to young women online as she can see him doing it! (He doesn't know this!) He does it on Twitter and Facebook. He 'likes' most pictures of attractive young fit 18-25 y.o. women, and comments on them, saying things like 'you are hot babe!' and 'wish I was that chair!' when a young, almost-naked woman is straddling a chair/has her legs wrapped round it.

Classy guy. I'm sure young women up and down the country wish they could have him all for themselves.

😆

I feel like this is something that made sense back in the olden days when childbirth mortality rates where high and women didnt have the vote or any real autonomy but these days it just sounds skanky and wrong!

Exactly mens egos are crazy, do they not see that young women have all the young men to pick from. Why would she be looking at a potato with eyes.
Can't imagine lusting after a 20 year old and thinking he would be into me.
Society and the film industry doesn't help

@SabreIsMyFave You are like me, it's so nice to see someone talk so passionately and with such disgust at it. I've got rid of someone from my life who behaves exactly like that and he doesn't understand what the problem is or why I've gone. They genuinely can't see why it's vile. This is just a friend btw who was once something more a long time ago. But I don't even want male friends who act like that.

I'm not even saying SOME men, because I believe deep down, that all men (45+) have it in them somewhere.

I have to say that whenever I hear of the latest high profile man caught with a very young woman, I do wonder how many men would do the same if they had the chance and thought they could get away with it.

I am a small survey of one, but I was weirdly more attractive to the far too young than more sensibly aged women. Including women who were (aside from being far too young) very attractive.
I did not go down that road.