Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

He is now with yet another gorgeous woman about the same age.

He is definitely a creep. I remember reading an interview where he went into great detail about the type of women he prefers, seeing them all as racial stereotypes. And this was when he was still married to Monica!

He also thinks that men are 'naturally' cheats and women should just put up with him. He was sort of hot, in a 'joli laid' sort of way, when he was younger. But those days are long gone!

Conversely, as men accumulate status and resources, their power increases.

But most men don't "accumulate status and resources" as they age. Your average middle aged man is not wealthy or high status, or anything close. And as I said above, there's a good chance that an available man of this age has already been married and divorced, so supporting his other family will take a good chunk of whatever resources he has.

The idea that middle aged men have 'power' in the dating field is laughable. The internet is full of them, desperate for younger women. If they were so attractive, they should be getting snapped up. But they're not.

Completely agree. The single men I know who are 40+ are just fat and bald. Most of them have a porn addiction and few hobbies. Maybe football or rugby. More likely to be over drinking and boring people about why they left their wife (usually to do with her not giving him enough sex or in one case she was spending too much on the kids). All of which doesn't thrill the average 20yo who wants to be exploring the world and learning. Why do so few men want to travel or grow in the same way women often do?

The decent men don't tend to divorce, funnily enough, their wives want to keep them.

Martinssparecalculator, it ain't the emotional or mental capacity they're interested in !!!!

Grotesque.
Men do not get better looking or get more status, they like to think they do but it's very rare.
Most look like rugged skinned potatoes with eyes and pot bellies. They are deluded. Far more women make more effort with appearance, personality, being an interesting person who tries new things and wants to better herself. I've always been bisexual but more tilted to men, as I get older it's going the other way which I know is quite common.

These pics of Vincent Cassel are so creepy...he looks like he could be her grand-father. Vile.

'@IcedPurple

Conversely, as men accumulate status and resources, their power increases.'

Nonsense.

The majority of middle-aged men are just regular, boring, balding, beer-drinking, football loving guys with average jobs and more than a few have a porn addiction and misogynistic views.

There are not business tycoons or film stars.

Go on any dating site and you will find that the majority have little to offer to women of any age and none of them would have pretty teenage girls giving them a second glance.

These days women work, have their own resources and don't need a man to prop them up financially.

I think it is mixed.
A much older man looking for very young women is often sleazy.

There are a minority of young women who much prefer older men and they have a pretty poor selection, as they still want the man to be fit (retired from rugby at 40 and now only do undignfied boxing sparring), attractive and successful. What can happen is men in these shoes do not realise it is only a minority of young women with these tastes.
I am a pretty average man, I have an OK job (160K pa), wn hair etc and in shape, but also only 5'10". You would not expect me to get much attention. As a single middle aged man, some of the young women interested in me was frankly bizarre.
The decent men don't tend to divorce, funnily enough, their wives want to keep them.
I am divorced. I married a woman with whom I shared regular dates, good sex life, we could talk disagreements through and I would often learn from it, she helped with housework and worked full time. Real stepford wife stuff, then we married and all of that stopped immediately. Many of the best people I know are divorced. Marriage takes two to work and the idea that it only takes one to be decent is misleading. I am now happily married, but it was a while as I did not think I would ever marry again.

The majority of middle-aged men are just regular, boring, balding, beer-drinking, football loving guys with average jobs and more than a few have a porn addiction and misogynistic views.

There are not business tycoons or film stars.

There seem to be lot of middle-aged business tycoons and film stars who are boring, balding, beer drinking, football loving guys with a porn addiction and misogynistic views too. It's not the exclusive preserve of the guys with average jobs.

There's a real cliche around that all young women are slim and gorgeous, and all middle aged men are rich, and this is the source of their 'power', so young women and older men are a 'natural' match.

However, in reality neither is true. There are lots of overweight and unattractive young women. Most are pretty average. Few are gorgeous. Most middle aged men are not rich at all, and don't have any status to speak of. Besides, as others have said, these days women earn their own money so don't need to marry a man they would otherwise find unattractive just because he owns his own home in Basingstoke.

Women prefer men they find compatible and attractive. Which usually means men about their own age.

@IcedPurple Exactly, thankfully most people I see in life are with people their own age, anything else is a rare anomaly.

Why thankfully? Does a difference in other people’s ages negatively affect you in any way?

To avoid any doubt, perhaps all single people should wear an age badge. Like the ones you seen on birthday cards.

@focacciamuffin Yep. I don't like seeing it, especially as it's usually only one way around.

Anecdotally pretty much everyone I know is within 10 year age of their spouse. These large gaps must be quite unusual

I think very large age gaps are. The only one I am aware of is my sister who met her husband when she was barely 20 and her husband was 40. They are still together almost 30 years later.

There is a 13 year gap between me and DH and that doesn’t seem so unusual. At least, not the circles I move in.

11 years between DH and me.

Anthropologically speaking (if not biologically) men and women look for different things. A 40 plus woman is very unlikely to be looking for shagging material in a teen boy. Her needs are different.
Men both biologically and socio-anthropologically speaking still have a reproductive goal - even if not consciously, til much later in life.
Even setting that aside, youth and vitality are important often in instinctive sexual attraction (for the reason of choosing a fertile mate).
If you consider men and women different fundamentally, which I think most of mumnet do then one cannot argue that we are the same about that. Or that is cognitive dissonance surely?

Women under the age of 25 have a great deal of power when it comes to dating. After than it diminishes over time. Conversely, as men accumulate status and resources, their power increases. These reasons are why as men and women get older, the typical age gap increases.

@HelmholtzWatson only the man manages to retain his looks, which let's face it, the majority of men over 35 don't. Men I know in their 40s who tried to date women in their 20s had a rude awakening.

Even for men who do manage to date younger, it tends to backfire once the women gets into her 40s and wants someone who can match her energy, instead of a doddery old man.

@randomchap @IcedPurple

Interesting. Why am I not surprised that a man came up with this 'rule'?

I also note that it's from 1903, long before women could easily support themselves independently.

(retired from rugby at 40 and now only do undignfied boxing sparring)

😀

Men do not get better looking or get more status, they like to think they do but it's very rare.
Most look like rugged skinned potatoes with eyes and pot bellies. They are deluded.

@Disturbia81 and science actually supports the view that they are deluded. Studies show that men tend to rate themselves as more attractive than other people rate them, whereas women tend to rate themselves as less attractive.

I had a relationship with a 31 yr old when I was 17 that went on until I was 22. I only realised how repellent it was when I reached 31.

And I would have hoped we'd moved on since then, but I still hear it being mentioned by both men and women.

Where it came from originally isn't that important, it's recognising that it's an outdated and sexist rule that is important

We don’t know that one did. The article says the provenance is unclear.

Save me clicking through 12 pages and tell me the rule you're taking about please 😅

It was on the last page