Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

@SabreIsMyFave Perfectly put 🙌🏼
I look at young people and I see kids, no sexual attraction at all. How it should be.

I know a man early 40s involved with a 20 year old. They met at work. He comes across as nice but irresponsible ( too irresponsible for me anyway) and at times she appears to be the grown up of the pair. They seem happy but I suspect she will move on in time. He previous partners have been his own age and it looks like a mid life crisis to me rather than predatory.

@MrsTerryPratchett ha ha that made me laugh a lot. Good one!

My age , im sure , was relevant - in the sense that he was aware there was a gap and people may talk etc . But he wasn’t interested in me because I was younger and I wasnt interested in him because he was older .

No , I wouldn’t . I can honestly say I have never been interested In anyone 20 years younger than me . But that doesn’t make him any kind of predator

I just don't get how all these 40 year old men, and yes they are almost always men, just happen to meet teenagers socially and consider them appropriate dating material. If somehow I met someone with that age gap in a social environment, it would simply never occur to me to consider them as a partner. And as you've said, neither would you.

Age is very relevant. Middle aged men don't just happen to date teenagers.

I remember reading recently that more girls become teenage parents than boys each year at a rate of around 4:1.

Which didn't make sense, at first, because how could more girls become teen parents than boys?

But then the research clarified: most teen girls become pregnant by adult men, not by other teen boys.

'Rough' doesn't even begin to cut it.

But then the research clarified: most teen girls become pregnant by adult men, not by other teen boys.

Lets be clear - teenage girls have little interest in dating teenage boys their own age. They are as much driving the choice behind dating older boys and men as the men are in pursuing them, if not more so.

As a man, when I got to my mid-twenties, I was surprised to find I was actively sought by teenage girls, around 16 or 17. Girls will lie about their age.
I did kept away as they were 16/17 and most men do. MY point is not to justify men generally, but point out that that get mixed up.

No, YOU be clear: that doesn't matter.

She may have been "asking for it" (because that's precisely what you're saying here) - that doesn't mean adult men were right to give it to her.

This is impregnation, not dating. Men should know better.

Not always...and surely its up to the older man to say no.. considering hes supposed to be the mature one?
Yep i was interested in older men but...they should have known better and i didn't throw myself at them.

Half the blokes age, plus 7 is meant to be the maximum age gap according to some

Playground bollocks. I can't believe that adults still quote this 'rule'

Who decided it?

This exactly. I dated a man in his 40s when I was in my mid 20s.

I was well educated and mature for my age, but I didn't have the life experience to see through all of his manipulative bullshit. It's only when I look back now that I can see how controlling the relationship was.

Yes, I know at least a couple of men who ditched their wives in their 40s and started trying to date women in their 20s (only to find that young women weren't interested!).

I think that there's been a cultural shift though. Things that were acceptable 'back in the day' when Mr 40+ was growing up, aren't considered acceptable to young people today. I've noticed a big generational difference in what is and what isn't acceptable. Young people are much more likely to interpret certain behaviours as harassment for example. Especially post 'me too'.

I was coming to say exactly this 😂

That’s NOT what I said AT ALL.

I remember being a teenage girl and early 20’s

men in their 30/40’s hanging around us we were naive, as young people should be and they took full advantage

it’s not an equal playing field never had been never will be

older adults should just leave young adults alone and let them find their own way in life in relationships

Like Vincent Cassel who met his wife when she was 18 and he was 48? Grim!

You kinda did.

@Pomegranatecarnage That picture of that middle aged man (Vincent Cassel,) and that young woman makes me feel nauseous. You are right. Vile. Utterly vile. She is physically gorgeous, and he is physically unattractive. If he was a plumber or a bank clerk, no WAY would a woman 30 years younger than him go anywhere near him! 😖

Depends what you mean by grown men and teenagers. When I was an older adult teenager I had a relationship with a 'grown man', he was 10 years older and his friends didn't approve but it was fun and consensual. There wasn't a power imbalance and I wasn't manipulated. I've never regretted it although in the scheme of things a bit of a fling, have been happily married to a man my own age for most of my adult life

Vincent Cassel is a creep

they have separated now maybe she has become too old for him

but I actually didn't, and that's what matters.

It may be the done thing here to deliberately misrepresent someone's post in bad faith to make a point, but I didn't make that point, and don't believe it.

The point I was making is that for the most part, teenage girls are the ones who do the choosing when it comes to dating, and they mostly chose to date men who are older. To be clear I'm talking about a couple of years older, not the outliers who date 40yo men, which I agree is creepy to say the least.

In other words, it's typical to see a 16/17yo girl dating a 19/20yo boy, and it's very rare to see a 19/20yo girl dating a 16/17yo boy.

Women under the age of 25 have a great deal of power when it comes to dating. After than it diminishes over time. Conversely, as men accumulate status and resources, their power increases. These reasons are why as men and women get older, the typical age gap increases.

According to wiki, it was French, and was originally the ideal age for a man to marry, rather than the minimum.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships#"Half-your-age-plus-seven"_rule

Ideal age makes it very creepy

I don't think there's any "rule" that can define these things well. Adults dating teenagers is wrong as its like the man is taking advantage of idealism/naivety of a teenage girl. I just don't understand how you could have anything in common