DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

It sounds to me like she’s got a cleaner on the weekend so he doesn’t have to do any additional cleaning not because she’s not doing it during the week.

Oh the man doesn’t like it, in that case everything must change.

Let’s say her business grew, became really successful and she ended up out-earning him - then what?

Good on her for getting off her arse to set up a business.

We see all the time on here parents stressed to the gills, relying on expensive wrap around child care, trying to work full time jobs and the answer is always "it isn't forever, keep calm and carry on". Why dies that not apply here?

Because in that situation, both parents are generally in the same boat trying to juggle full-time jobs, school runs and childcare.

In this scenario, OP only works two days a week and has five days a week to herself (and for six months she doesn't work at all) whereas her DH has to work full-time year-round and provide all the weekend childcare for six months. He also has to pay for a cleaner because apparently OP can't do the housework during the five days a week she doesn't work or do any childcare.

The cleaner comes on a Friday when OP isn't working.

@Mirabai lol this is such BS, I am a raging, angry feminist, but you are talking our your arse, there is no way if the roles were reversed you'd be saying "good on him for getting off his arse and setting up a business". You'd be calling him a freeloading shirker not stepping up for his kids and partner.

On Friday then - she explicitly said she booked them so DH has no clearing on the weekend. Doesn’t mean she’s not cleaning for the rest of the week.

And even if she isn’t she’s not so what, I’ve always had a cleaner.

The cleaner is there on one of her 5 days off.

her husband doesn’t get any time off for 6 months of the year because she is playing at a business with no consideration for anyone else.

What? If he set up a viable business that took a while to get going but was ultimately profitable - good for him, why would it be any different if he were male.

🙄 It’s not about ‘the man’, if the situation was reversed then my opinion would exactly the same. This isn’t about men versus women. This is about this specific situation.

Are you deliberately missing the point or just being difficult?

I would be very unhappy if I were your DH to work all week whilst you swanned about at home and then do childcare all weekend.

When does he get a break? He appears to be doing 7 days a week so that you can play at being a businesswoman, when really it appears to be a hobby you enjoy. In addition you have 'arranged' a cleaner for Friday afternoons.

Presumably his salary is paying for this? Why aren't you cleaning on Friday afternoons? You appear to have 5 days a week to yourself whilst the children are in school.

So? There’s no law that says you have to clean if you don’t like cleaning. Men are abundantly aware of that one.

As for ‘playing with a business’ twaddle. Ocado has only turned a profit in 3 years of 22. Is that a game?

I’m not the one missing the point.

You keep telling yourself that.

OP, is it breakeven after paying all 3 of you £12k per year. If not, the loans effectively funded the salaries!

I think you need to look at what income you will draw from the business going forward and will you be taking the additional profit as salary.

It's probably a viable business for 1 person but not of it has to find 3 of you.

What are your projections for years 4 & 5?
Is it scalable?
What's the maximum forecasted income as full capacity?
Is it being run as a business or a hobby?

I'm kind if with your husband based on what you have posted so far.

I wouldn't allow this if it were my DH doing it. Out of action every weekend for half a year with kids wouldn't be acceptable.

Based on your business plan (which I hope you have), when are you projected to deliver your first profit?

Then, amend the model based on a reduction of your hours where you would work only one day of the weekend. When does your model then project your first profit?

This will help you - and him - understand the value of your working both days of the weekend. You can then have an informed conversation about whether this set up is worth it, whether it's worth you reducing your weekend hours, etc.

If there's 3 of you, are you all needed every weekend? We really need more info, could two of you manage? Could any work be done on a Friday or Monday?

OP, is your business scaleable?

I agree with your husband to a large degree. At 3.5 years with no profits it's hobby not a business.

Your husband is a saint to have put up with this so far.

What is it with troll hunters and grammar.

Exactly @Greywitch2 .

There are often threads on here from men who are "working on their businesses" and using it as an excuse not to be around at weekends - they all get told they need to get proper jobs and stop fucking about.

I agree with you.

I'm not sure why anyone will be unhappy if a business didn't bring a big profit after only three years, working on it for six months a year, two days a week!

I had no idea about Ocado, but I think is a good example!

Same with having a cleaner, there's nothing wrong with having a cleaner. It doesn't make a woman automatically lazy.