DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

I know, right? It must be because the man wants to shirk his responsibilities to go out drinking.

He couldn't possibly have finally just got pissed off with carrying whatever the female equivalent of a cocklodger is for THREE AND A HALF YEARS.

No, he has a penis, so of course he must be in the wrong.
🙄

Honestly. Some people.

Jesus is it "a woman's place is in the wrong (as usual and particularly if a man doesn't like what she's doing" day?

If you read the OP it says he has become dismissive and shouty because it's not yet turning a profit although she is drawing a salary. It also says his main gripe is not having the weekends to himself because she's on a jolly. But she's not. She's not booking into a spa every weekend and just because she's doing something she enjoys it doesn't mean it's not work.

A few of us - remarkably few it seems are trying to point out variables beyond "OP is a selfish twunt" to try and help her with her problem. Why does everything on here go to absolute extremes all the time? Sisterhood my arse - more like Handmaid's central today.

Getting a cleaner after you have been home all week.......WTAF!

I hope your DH is getting his ducks in a row!

Cocklodgers don’t earn 12k a year and run the household.

I don't think anyone would be unhappy with the little extra income brings in but the question is whether it's worth it given the sacrifices that everyone is having to make for it and the fact that there's prospect of the business growing unless they take out further loans or the owners put more of their own money into it (because if you're not making a profit, you don't have any cash to invest in it).

I'm not sure why anyone will be unhappy if a business didn't bring a big profit after only three years, working on it for six months a year, two days a week!

Because it means the person working full-time spends six months of the year never getting a break from work and childcare, while the "business owner" manages to get five days a week, every week to themselves.

"It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable".

God grief, how much time do you need?! You should be turning over a profit by now, or at least breaking even. I'm with your DH.

There's absolutely zero evidence that she's running the household, and if your partner was bringing in only 12k a year (and we don't know how long she's been paying herself a salary for, what with the business having no profit) while doing nothing but going on a work jolly every weekend for six months I'm sure you'd have something to say about that.

Yes, exactly. If it was about money, OP could earn 12k a year working in a supermarket or a cafe, or even as a TA or something at a school, without giving up every single weekend for months on end every year.

He’s stropping because he has to look after his own kids on the weekend for 6 months of the year. He thinks he’s entitled to weekends off while OP runs around after him.

A wage of 12k a year for 52 days of work a year is a great wage! OP wrote this year she's expecting more profit. How much money do you think she should earn for working 52 days a year?

You can’t earn 12k as a TA working 26 weekends a year. Any of jobs you suggested may require childcare that would wipe out the salary.

I should have said no prospect of it growing!!

Quite.

I don't think it's fair at all and I would never accept my husband spending many weekends away from me and my kids for 12k a year.

Her DH is out at work apparently, who do you think is running it? Why are you so preoccupied with insulting the OP?

If my partner found a way to earn 12k for 52 days work I’d be impressed.

What’s behind the aggression? Are you unhappy?

Team Husband.

OP won't be paying 12k a year in childcare fees for two primary aged children.

OP is spending the other six months of the year looking after the children, why isn't it fair? OP spent all her weekends looking after her small kids up until they went to school. It's his kids too, not only her kids.

If my partner found a way to earn 12k for 52 days work I’d be impressed.

So would I - as long as it didn't decimate family life and leave me as the solo parent for 26 weekends straight every year, which is what's happening here.

Would you really tell a mum in the DH's position that she should be impressed and just get over it?

No she's not - her kids are in school 30+ hours a week.

The cost is your husband’s happiness and not spending quality time as a family. Is it worth it?
I would be getting ready for divorce if I was him.

She doesn’t work at all during the other 6 months!

Shall he pay someone to fan her with palm fronds while he’s at it, or is just having the cleaner enough?

OP spent all her weekends looking after her small kids up until they went to school.

Did she? On her own, without her husband? Where did she say that?

Totally agree, no wonder your OH is unhappy OP, he’s put up with it for over three years, you sound utterly spoilt and selfish, it’s not all about you!