DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

And where did you see “solo” in my post?

@SparklyGreenKoala what sort of business is it op?

Because working in a school is really low stress. 😂

Still no idea what the business is though

There's two ways to look at it. She's given up on career progression and pension to sacrifice herself to childcare and allowing DH to work or she's a lucky person, able to not work for years even when kids are at school all possible as DH is working fulltime in a job he hates. Some people one will apply and some the other.

As for now he's slogged fulltime at a job he hates so she could stay at home for years and now he's expected to carry on the slog plus do the solo parenting at weekends. When does he get a break? Maybe he'd like to give up work and earn £12k a year doing something he loves. Would the OP go along with that?

I didn't - you're entirely missing my point (again).

You were saying he'd still have to do childcare at weekends if OP got a weekday job (which is true) but it wouldn't be solo parenting every weekend for half the year on top of a full-time job. They'd split it and both get breaks away from the DC and to do their own thing.

So it wouldn't remotely be the same as what's happening at the moment.

I didn't say it wasn't, but at least you get things like sick pay, pension etc. all included and you don't need to worry about your business folding or your staff not turning up etc.

Who’s talking about hating his job or are you talking about yourself?

@Mirabai The OP says he hates his job in the first post

It's in the OP

I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

If I were the husband, I think I'd have become frustrated long before 3.5 years were up.

OP, how would you feel if the positions were reversed?

if your so confident that he is stopping your business from scaling and you know that it will scale and provide you with a future leave him.

however you won’t because you know your business won’t scale

Beat me to it 👌🏾

TA is a tough job for shit money with no real prospects unless you retrain and certainly no chance of increasing profits and expanding.

And TA was just one of several examples (which seems to have been conveniently missed or ignored). There are lots of other jobs that pay 12k a year for part-time hours out there.

He shouted that in argument so I took it with a pinch of salt. If it’s true then he needs to change his job - and that is the real problem here not OP’s job.

me too! I've calculated the time spent on accounting, taxes, etc. (i'm in the states, have one international bank in a country where I do business, and believe we have even more complicated taxes in my country than others) and I often make business decisions on how much I lose doing it myself vs. paying someone else...but then getting an accountant up to speed and feeding him/her all my data points still seems like such work that I just do it myself instead.

@Mirabai But the OP has no chance of increasing profits or expanding at the minute as they're breaking even.

They were all minimum wage jobs.

Pretty much this, I'm afraid

What's the problem with that?

Except he says he wants his weekends to have time to himself so he is expecting her to solo parent 24/7. Also, businesses take time to build, despite what tiktok says most take several years to excellent.
I stand by my original opinion. He's a dad not a babysitter.

Its not that easy just to change job.

The guy deserves some time off at weekends and I'm not surprised he's fed up after 3 years of this. OP is being unreasonable.

He can't just change job, he's supporting a family of (at least) four people including an adult who stays home all week without working.

I'm retired so definitely don't hate the job I don't have.

Maybe read the first post where OP says this, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates. She also says I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

Big discrepancy there which any reasonable couple would work on resolving, pretty selfish to have the weekdays to yourself and a job you love at weekends while your partner spends weekdays in a job he hates and weekends on childcare.