My husband has plans , I need his help , backstory

[tiedinnotts]

My husband is the father of our two children , works hard , generally good and involved when home , definitely not the worst so I know I'm lucky

This weekend is the week before our eldest starts her GCSE . His parents are visiting for the weekend and staying over in a hotel . They can be hard work but I've agreed on condition I and eldest are not expected to spend the whole weekend with because of upcoming exams / study time . I also changed my plans to go out so we could go for an evening meal all together .

Dd got into some trouble st school , a stupid decision to take a photo of a friend who was goofing about after PE
has led to an exclusion . She is really upset and I am too because she's had a v difficult secondary experience with friends and is now doing great . School are v supportive but have to impose sanctions .

So back to the weekend my husband planned to go back with his parents Sunday evening and meet up with other family on Monday . Because of exams and so he can see his parents have some time I'm staying home with children Sunday evening / bank holiday Monday .

The letter to reintroduce Dd back to school came yesterday , meeting is at 8:15 on Tuesday after bank holiday . She won't be allowed back in school until meeting . School have given least serious sanction and want her back in school as it's start of her exams .

Our other Dd is 9 , her school opens at 8:30 . I can't be doing reintegration meeting at 8:15 and get other Dd to school .

So I've asked him to change his plans and come home on Monday night or early Tuesday to take youngest to school . He says no .

Opinions please

I get this is resolved but I am so confused about this reintegration meeting.

You got a letter on a Saturday, to tell you you must attend a meeting the next day school is open. Before it’s actually open?

If that was me and the school told me I had to go in tomorrow morning, I couldn’t. I need to be at work at a meeting that can’t be rearranged. As a single parent, there would only be my dad that could attend. How are schools expecting people who work full time to be able to just do that?

You say the meeting can’t be changed, but then that you just don’t want to ask. I can’t believe a school would not allow this to be changed and work around it and work with parents. Yes teachers have to work and have difficult jobs. But so do parents.

tell him he needs to look after his family / dependents first.

Really !!!
I can't ask my husband to adjust his plans because his Dd has revision and an important meeting is dropped on us .

Without this meeting she will not be allowed back in school , she starts her gcse on Friday
but it's more important he gets to stay out and not come back the night before ? . He's working in the morning and all I ask is for him to be home to drop youngest off .

He sees his family whenever he wants usually

Those that think this is controlling need to wobble their head
And yes I would do it . Because I'm a parent and sometimes you are required to compromise . Or is it only women who do this ????

The main problem (apart from your DH) is that exam sessions tend to start at 9am. If your DD1 is scheduled for an exam that morning there is no way to reschedule the meeting. I hope you get everything sorted, and Good Luck to your DD1.

She's not. The early meeting is to try and get her into school the same day.

I don’t think your husband should change his plans for a Tuesday morning drop off. Surely between two functioning adults you can figure out a workable plan with minimal impact.

Seriously this is the minimal impact plan

Honestly when people say the bar is set too low in relationships , with woman accepting too little then contradict by saying by asking a few adjustments I'm being controlling .

MN really is a strange online world

He went away and did everything he wanted to with some adjustments , and some replies say that's unreasonable to ask for .

The getting DD back into school is because they have exam preparation lessons all week , that's Tuesday / Wednesday/ Thursday and school want her in to try and limit impact on exams . I appreciate and agree with that .

Maybe DH's next lesson might be to learn that what goes on in his own house always takes priority (the 4 of you) over everything else - and everyone else outside his own house has to work round it not throw a bomb in it & disrupt everyone else 👍