My husband has plans , I need his help , backstory

[tiedinnotts]

My husband is the father of our two children , works hard , generally good and involved when home , definitely not the worst so I know I'm lucky

This weekend is the week before our eldest starts her GCSE . His parents are visiting for the weekend and staying over in a hotel . They can be hard work but I've agreed on condition I and eldest are not expected to spend the whole weekend with because of upcoming exams / study time . I also changed my plans to go out so we could go for an evening meal all together .

Dd got into some trouble st school , a stupid decision to take a photo of a friend who was goofing about after PE
has led to an exclusion . She is really upset and I am too because she's had a v difficult secondary experience with friends and is now doing great . School are v supportive but have to impose sanctions .

So back to the weekend my husband planned to go back with his parents Sunday evening and meet up with other family on Monday . Because of exams and so he can see his parents have some time I'm staying home with children Sunday evening / bank holiday Monday .

The letter to reintroduce Dd back to school came yesterday , meeting is at 8:15 on Tuesday after bank holiday . She won't be allowed back in school until meeting . School have given least serious sanction and want her back in school as it's start of her exams .

Our other Dd is 9 , her school opens at 8:30 . I can't be doing reintegration meeting at 8:15 and get other Dd to school .

So I've asked him to change his plans and come home on Monday night or early Tuesday to take youngest to school . He says no .

Opinions please

The school really aren't as supportive as you think if they wouldn't rearrange the meeting time, due to you having to consider your other child.

Although I suspect you probably didn't insist upon it.

Haven't even read the rest but this yardstick OMG 🙈🙈🙈

"definitely not the worst so I know I'm lucky"

Please can we start valuing ourselves more and move away from this bulls#it.

Bring 9 yr old to school late.
she can wait during meeting.

why is this a MN issue?

Your dd with GCSEs comes first. Yes the meeting could be rearranged but make everything as smooth as possible for her. 9yo could be with a neighbour, go to school with a friend or just have to sit in senior school office with a secretary while you have your meeting then be a bit late for school.

That said, ideally dh should be home but not worth causing tension during GCSEs for your daughter's sake.

@WhateverMate OP didn’t get details of reintegration meeting before Saturday, but for any suspension they should ideally be held before the child goes back into school and it wouldn’t be lawful for the school to increase the length the child is off school before that meeting is held.

Oh come on, they can make the meeting 20 minutes or half an hour later in order to enable the parent to attend.

What would happen if OP was a single parent with a hospital appointment?

It's got nothing to do with legalities.

I'm really surprised some posters are suggesting that they would ask for a reintegration to be moved, delaying a start back to school in an exam week.

I'm not someone who thinks parents should be martyrs to their kids but this is definitely one of those occasions where the kid needs to come first.

Oh come on, they can make the meeting 20 minutes or half an hour later in order to enable the parent to attend.

Maybe the teacher involved needs to be doing something else at 9am in a school...

@WhateverMate I said ideally they should be before the child comes back into school. But they can’t delay the child coming back into school, so if necessary the meeting can be later. That bit in the school’s letter is wrong.

School do meetings before school or evening before return when teachers arnt teaching

This isn't a LTB post . It's a request asking for opinion which I have .

It's all good though now . He's going to be here

@tiedinnotts

Could you contact your 9 year old's closest friend's Mum and ask whether they could help on Tuesday morning by dropping her off at school with her friend? In the circumstances, most people would try to help you if they could.

You could always say that you'll collect them both from school in the afternoon and drop the friend off.

There are clearly other aspects to your question, of course. You are obviously worried about your other daughter's suspension and exams and feeling let down by your husband.

A lot of skewed priorities here.
GCSE time is a time for kids to be in school, not at home. Sounds like your DD had an error of judgement and did something silly rather than dangerous or harmful. Them being heavy handed is helping nobody and may well set her back for her exams with the stress if she is very upset.
any chance your younger child can go to school with a friend? Or breakfast club?
DH is indeed being selfish.

I think I would just take youngest with me to the meeting and late to school. Say you had an appt and you'll just have to get her there as soon as you can. I wouldn't want my husband missing something he was looking forward to.

Exactly what I said further up the thread. Frankly even ‘good dad and husband’ should be the bare minimum and we shouldn’t be feeling lucky about that because it’s what should be expected at the very least.

You could easily manage this on your own. No need for suggestions as you have clearly decided only him cancelling his plans is the only thing you want

And those calling for divorce - ridiculous!

All a bit of a storm in a teacup.

@StormingNorman but why was it all down to the mum to sort out.

Tbh this is such a non issue it wouldn't have occured to me to ask him to change plans. He may have wanted to, as he'd probably want to be at the meeting too, but it is very manageable with 1 parent.

Either ask a friend to take them, or take them to meeting and drop them to school late. If he doesn't see his family a massive amount I can't see this being an issue.

They live two hours away not in Timbuktu

However he has changed plans so all good now

If it’s like the school I’m in they remain in isolation until the meeting takes place. We normally arrange for 9 to allow for other drop offs.

I'm glad he's changed his mind - he should put his kids before getting pissed with his friends/family.

Edited to say: Now read update, but it shouldn't have taken pushing to get him to this stage.

Your husband is an absolute dick, frankly.

HIs own children should come first here and you can't be in 2 places at one time under stressful circumstances.

Of course OP can't change the appointment at this stage in the game, it's mid-weekend!

He needs to come home or I'd tell him not to bother coming back at all, frankly, as I would be beyond furious at his lack of taking responsibility for his own children and dumping it all on you.

Not great for the person working on a Saturday morning to type the letter out either, is it?

When I've worked unpaid overtime to deal with the consequences of teenagers' actions, I'm certainly not giving up even more of my bank holiday weekend to be dealing with parents of said teenager then wanting things arranged to suit them.

The other child will have to be late for school.

It’s just one evening

and to be fair to him, you don’t really plan your kids getting excluded when spending time with family.

The letter was sent on Friday . So no issue with guilt at overtime working . I worked in education so I know how hard teachers work . Im not going to make it harder by asking for a time change . It's far easier for my husband to adjust his plans step up to the plates !

He can just be a stubborn arse and my post was largely venting in frustration

He is doing everything and seeing everyone he planned to see . Tbh I thought I was being more than fair agreeing to him disappearing on bank holiday . But as it's revision Im happy to do a quiet one .
He's more sociable than me and has serious FOMO . I'm more calm and easy on my own .