Restaurant row who is at fault?

[Polishedshoesalways]

Out with friends in a restaurant last night - six of us in total. Two of my friends were light heatedly disagreeing about gender politics between them. They were not bothering anyone else.

Friend x suddenly shouts at them quite aggressively and loudly to ‘shut up’

Loud enough for the tables around us to stop and stare.

Would you think this is rude? She was not part of the conversation at the time.

The table sat in stunned silence after that. It’s now really awkward. She hasn’t apologised or acknowledged that shouting or shutting a conversation down like that isn’t cool. The friends in question seem offended.

What do you think? Do they have a point?
Are you okay with being told to shut up?

she leant across the table and said can you just shut up, for a second. It was the most bizarre moment. And then she said she wanted to talk about x, y and z.

That's a bit different from what you implied in the OP - that she just shouted 'shut up'.
Still abrupt but not the same.

This thread has reflected the opinion of the group! Everyone can see a different side.

Well yeah she had probably been screening them out. It's clear you don't like her. Yes she shouldn't have shouted but you're refusing to see that the others were probably rehashing something she's heard them waffle on about 1000 times before

Yes very different.

Yep, that's nothing like the situation described in the OP.

I have to be careful not be outing. Basically friend x said shut up. Rest of group sat silently afterwards, and she started talking about something else, that is what happened..

Hereyoume · Today 08:35
Well clearly your two friends discussion was bothering at least one person.”

In which case, ask them to change the subject because you find it uncomfortable or boring. Don’t just yell shut up.

It was the volume and ferocity that was the issue - more than the actual words. If I can be explicit.

But in your OP,you said she was shouting aggressively - now you're saying she leaned over and said for them to shut up.

They're two very different things.

I’m with shut up woman

Your shouty friend was at fault. If she felt the conversation your other two friends were having was in some way in appropriate, she should have simply said ‘hey, any chance you can change the subject now, please?’ Shouting in a restaurant, upsetting other diners as well as the people at your table, was unacceptable.

@Polishedshoesalways it's AIBU, home of the deliberately obtuse. If you'd been posting from the angle of defending Shouty Friend, you'd have had loads of people saying the exact opposite.

Your shouty friend is at fault. I wouldn't want to go on holiday with someone like that. She is disrespectful.

Its definitely not ok, but sounds as if there's more going on with your shouty friend. Could you have a quiet word with her and see if she's ok?

How do you know she hasn't tried to change the topic if you weren't even part of the conversation and we're talking to others about a different topic?

She obviously noticed what they were saying and had been trying to zone it out but got to the point where she couldn't?

Leaning over the table to tell them to shut up is also very different to just randomly shouting shut up at them as described in the first post.

Do you actually even like this women?

So she didn't shout?

Maybe she was just so bored of them rehashing the same opinions and just had enough. Some people just like the sound of their own voice and maybe this was just breaking point for her. I have this with my parents opinions and I tolerate it for a while and then snap as enough is enough.

She lent across shut up at full volume. Loud enough to silence surrounding tables. It was aggressive.

she then added for a second more quietly and then switched the conversation to what she was interested in. It did feel pointed and unkind. Like she has the power to close down what she likes. It was really uncalled for. Yes I do like her, but thought this was out of order.

She did shout, yes.

and then switched the conversation to what she was interested in. It did feel pointed and unkind. Like she has the power to close down what she likes.

Genuinely - how is that any different to the two friends taking over by talking about what they like?

Agree with this. Its just draining to hear the same thing time and time again. I'm sure she just snapped as enough was enough.

It’s different because we were chatting separately, not as a group. She waded into a conversation she was not part of and told them to shut up.

It’s possible.

It's difficult to say with a one sided snapshot that would culminate to a friend shouting which leads me to think there's been a bit of a build up/friction in group.

She was out of order. She could easily have engaged in conversation with you or others? Not sure if you said how many of you there were, but even if it were just the 4 of you she has no right to speak to anyone like that!
Imagine if you had posted this exact scenario but it were a male member of your group 😳
If you were teenagers maybe? but you're not! I'd have to say something to her away from everyone else.