To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

Really not cruel at all, absolutely do not budge one inch on that class.

Id reiterate that she can stay home if she likes or she can join you but those are the only options for now. Ignore any other moaning.

Unless there is Any chance DH could drop DD on the way to football and she only has a 15/20 min wait in the clubhouse and comes home with you? Saves her getting up at 7 I suppose?

At 11 she's finest be left for 15 mins. Does she goninto town with friends or walk home unsupervised? If she's old enough and wants to do those things then she can do 15 mins at home. She will probably just be in bed or watching TV. Good for independence.

My ds didn't like being in the house alone at that age either. You're compromise of taking her to DL seems to have been a success if she has made a friend to do classes with.

Ah yes I see she is 11, which was the “ crossover “ age I was thinking of.

And that dad is an hour away, which is a bit tricky.

Yanbu op. Maybe look at how you can build her confidence being home alone. See why she's nervous and how you can all help.

At 11, I left myself in from school everyday and had the house to myself for an hour or two. I used to love it. Still love having a peaceful house to myself.

I don't think you did anything wrong. You need time to yourself and good on you for getting up to go to an exercise class.

You have a partner problem, not a kid problem. Given your later post suggests he's a bit of a sexist twat I think it's even more important that you show your daughter the example that mum's get to do things for themselves and are not there simply to serve the family.

She walks to school on her own (at her insistence). I’ve explained to her that from September she’ll be making her own way to and from Secondary school and may well come home to an empty house on occasion as although I WFH most days I occasionally have to go into the office.

Oh and DP can’t help with any of the proposed solutions that involve dropping DD or DS anywhere because he refuses to drive🙄 He has a full license and is on my insurance but won’t drive. The reason he has to leave the house at 9am sharp is because he takes DS to football via a long bus journey when he could drive him there in about 20 mins. That’s a whole different thread.

At 11 not unreasonable at all. My nearly 11 year old would absolutely not come but would be more than happy just to stay in bed.

Keep doing your class and I agree with what you did.

Your DP is a dick.

Your DD has two perfectly reasonably choices.

I definitely think you (both) need to work on her resilience around being at home alone for short periods of time.

Well there lies your problem really.

I’ve never considered myself a morning person but can honestly say this early start on a Saturday actually helps my energy levels. It’s true I’m up earlyduring the week to do the school run and work so a lie in on Saturday sounds appealing but in reality I find I end up having a really sluggish day, doom scrolling online and feeling a bit crap if I stay in bed on the weekend. I sleep a lot better now as I’m properly tired Saturday evening but not the ‘exhausted, fatigue from inertia’ tired if that makes sense.

Anxiety and over thinking appears to be at the root of dd, df and dh

I think a DP who can drive and refuses would give me the ick. He could be making family life a lot easier if he drove.

How far away was your DL class from the restaurant area/play area? Does your DD know what to do if someone approached her?

You clearly have a DH problem and if he is that concerned then he can do something about it. Otherwise he can STFU

But you aren’t growing. Sleep is important for children and dd will need a lot more in the next few years as she hits puberty.

The class is in a studio on the first floor and the restaurant and racquets area are on the ground floor.

I’m surprised people think there is a risk in her being left there. It’s 7.30am in a David Lloyd’s club house..Obviously children can come to harm in any setting - I’m not saying it doesn’t happen in ‘nice’ surroundings - but I think it’s quite unlikely in a place where you have to be a member to access the space and DD would not wander off with a stranger. I can’t imagine a scenario where she would leave the venue either willingly or under duress. The other kid she played with was unsupervised as well and the instructor who takes my class has a young daughter (around 12 I think) who waits for her downstairs as well in the Adult Lounge.

She was given a choice of two things.
She made her choice
You crack on

Then she can stay at home and sleep. She was under no obligation to come to the gym. Hopefully as she gets older she overcomes her fear of staying at home alone. I can’t reorganise things around the nervousness of DD. She is not 5 years old. I’m aware that might sound harsh but I don’t think I’d be doing her any favours by cancelling my class.

Because she has to tag along for one class a week? Mothers are important too.

You sorted it, DD made choice , everyone else needs to but out ,

I have an 11 year old DD, a football playing DS, and I'm a David Lloyd member so can envisage the situation well. You're absolutely fine OP, the ideal really is for DD to stay by herself for the 15 minutes and you could/dare I say should, work on that. But having to have breakfast at DL while your Mum does a class isn't exactly a hardship.

Out of interest, what class is it? I love my classes, don't give up!

Yanbu
Going with you or staying home for 15 minutes are the logical choices.
Why do the males think that what they want to do trumps what you want to do? It sounds like dd had a great time with the other girl.

At 11 she's either at secondary or going to be going this year and should absolutely be able to stay at home alone for short periods, especially if she's got a phone should she need to call you. Most kids this age are playing out alone which is seen as perfectly acceptable, and I think she's arguably safer in her own home than in the cafe at a gym or out somehow on the streets.