Mother in law thinks I’m ugly

[DazedNotConfused1]

My mother in law has never outright said I am ugly, but she has never paid me any compliment on my appearance either. Conversely, she will constantly say how handsome her son (my DH) is and how beautiful her daughter is. I’m starting to believe she thinks I am not attractive at all and not good enough for her son.

Whenever I see MIL, I make sure to give her a compliment eg. “you look nice”, “I like your hair!”, “lovely bag” etc you get the gist as I genuinely do feel she looks good, and if she puts herself down I will say “no you always look good!” So she has plenty of opportunity to say something nice about me in return but NEVER has. I don’t want it to bother me but it does. She has complimented my DD saying how pretty they are, but whenever someone says my DS looks like me she looks uncomfortable and doesn’t comment. People say my DD looks like her father.

Is this just normal MIL behaviour? Has your MIL ever said anything nice about your appearance?

And yes before anyone says I know there are more important things than looks, but personally I would like to be thought of positively and not as someone who is bringing down their family’s attractiveness!

Am I being unreasonable in thinking my MIL must think I’m ugly?

My MIL isn’t interested in anything anyone says or does beyond herself, DH and SIL.

My MIL comments on my appearance but never positively 😅 it’s mostly that I’m too thin (I’m not, but she is very overweight) or that I’m pale or that I look tired 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t assume she finds me unattractive but I can’t imagine I would care if she did. She would definitely talk about DH being handsome 😂

Op, can I ask , how do you think you look? Do you think you’re attractive, plain, ugly ? How would you rate your appearance honestly?

How passive aggressive.

I'd have to say something to her, or get your DH to say it's unacceptable.

what is your DH doing come to think of it. It sounds like you have a DH problem if he doesn't have the backbone to sort out this awful behaviour.

How have you come to that conclusion.
I'd think it was extremely weird if my mil commented on my looks, it's unnecessary.

I can't stand it when someone says that "are you OK? You're looking very tired" - it's rarely if ever out of concern.

err cheers

Agree

My MIL had complimented me about what I’m wearing, so ‘that’s a nice dress’ type thing, but she’s never said anything about me personally. I don’t think its
particularly strange, but then she doesn’t do that in relation to other people either.

i wouldn’t read too much into it. You aren’t married to her, as long as you feel loved and appreciated by your husband, what she thinks doesn’t really matter.

Should a mother in law be commenting on her daughter in laws appearance?
Isn't that something that gets mil in trouble?
I can just imagine the thread! " mil always passing comment on my appearance. Aibu to cut her off!'

They are her children! Do you not see the difference?

Are your compliments genuine or are they something 'nice' to say? I really hate ingenuine compliments. Sometimes people who over compliment come across as gushing and insincere. Perhaps she thinks you're fishing by complimenting her so readily?

I doubt she thinks you're ugly, most people aren't. You sound really high maintenance though and as other people have said, lacking in self esteem to care what your mother in law thinks and conflate a lack of compliments with thinking you're ugly.

You sound insecure. She doesn’t need to think you are attractive any more than you need to think she is.

This!!!

I might hug my son and say ' oh look at you, you're gorgeous!" But if I did that to my daughter in law it would be weird!

I often compliment my friends and family. It's a nice thing for women to do for each other.
It's always genuine and I can't imagine never doing it!

Stop paying her false compliments with the aim of getting compliments yourself. Why would you do that? If you want to compliment her do it, but don't expect payment in kind. So she is smitten with her children and proud of their looks. Why would she need to feel the same way about you?

mines never complimented me either. Nor my own mum.

I mean other than the photos, I really can’t see what awful behaviour you mean.

For those saying your MIL has never complimented you, if you went out for dinner with them and you wore a new dress, or you had a new hairstyle would she not say anything? Or if she saw a family photo of you all, maybe at a wedding, would she not comment on what you were wearing (hopefully in a positive way).

When DS was little he was the spitting image of me, MIL was the only person who said he looked like DH (although had to concede he had my eyes as same colour as mine and nothing like DH’s colour!)

She probably doesn’t think you’re ugly.
All MILS in my experience are irritating. She could also be jealous of you now that you ‘have her son’

Good lord what am I reading? So all mils, which means every single woman who has a child in a relationship you think is irritating. How mysoginistic of you, and to say she’s jealous, is utterly ick.

I also think that must have come close to some kind of record for spitting that term out on a Mn thread. Any advances on third post in anybody?

Yes, but in this case, she has commented on how beautiful everyone else is. After a while you notice.

Op, she could be insecure of you. If anything it looks like she is not fond of you. Because even if say you are not objectively very beautiful, but if she likes you, she will compliment you sometimes. Like sometimes I tell my mum she looks nice when she wears something new etc.

Also, if she tells you how beautiful her daughter is, she is very shallow person.

Yes this. Even if it’s complimenting the clothes or the effort.

I think it’s laudable you comment on Mil looking nice Op. I’m afraid at this point I would be petty enough to be withholding compliments but that’s my failing not yours.

I don't know why you expect as an adult to be complimented on your looks? Surely it's normal she talks any her gd, and her son she is proud of. Does your own mother compliment you a lot and you expect others to do too?

I wouldn’t mind 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️