To think this isn’t that common? Or do people keep it to themselves?

[Kevsap]

My friend has been gifted 100k in the last two years. Eight years prior to that she was given 15k. Every few months/ a year she has around 1k gifted. I consider her to be from a wealthy family and I don’t know anyone else who has this sort of money given to them? Are people just not saying it? I will literally never receive sums like this unless I won the lottery!! My friend seems to think this is pretty average.

I agree with this, it's to do with wealth being tied up in property.

I know at least 4 well off people who given their kids the deposit for a home, car (complete with tax and insurance ), paid for grandkids private schooling /set up trusts or savings accounts for them. All the youngish couples who have really nice homes, cars and holidays that I know of, have been gifted substantial amounts of money from parents and/or grandparents. I can understand that many recipients wouldn’t say anything to their friends, as the unfairness at having such an advantage that you haven’t had to do anything to get, would be so obvious to those they know who aren’t as fortunate, and a possible source of embarrassment, guilt, envy, resentment etc. Oh the difference money can make eh.

Friend 1: Parents gifted them 20k house deposit and sold their old house to them with a discount
Selling property at below market value can leave you exposed to investigation for avoiding stamp duty.

My grandmother’s care home fees are over £90k a year. The odd £1k here and there makes absolutely no difference whatsoever.

If she does make it to 100 which is looking increasingly likely she may not have the funds to stay there without local authority help. But given she will have spent over a million of her own money on it (which is outrageous really) I don’t care if the state now has to help.

My grandmother arranged her finances many decades ago when my grandfather died so that she didn’t own all of her house, only half of it. So there was at least some to pass on. It was completely legal although I don’t know exactly what was involved as I was young.

DH has been given similar large amounts of money from proceeds of an old family business wound up decades ago and then put in trust for his mother : we have never mentioned it to anyone (I think people just assume he earns a lot more than he actually does as, similarly, we never discuss income with friends but they can see we pay for private school and multiple overseas holidays etc). What’s different, however is we certainly don’t think it’s average or “normal”.

A few people I've known about have ' trust funds ' set up to avoid things like care home fees or been able to buy out their parents homes and all kinds of dealings ( no idea how it works)
I've been told that these can be investigated, but the ones I've heard about probably won't be I bet ( they seem to be very savvy at avoiding the worst of the tax laws)
If you know the ways around things you'll be ok it seems ( or the right people or tax advisors)
Money goes to money , it's an old saying and seems to be true for many

And I think it’s pretty gauche for your friend to mention it to you - just why? Unless you’re in exactly the same position it’s hardly going to make your day better.

A friend of mine and his 2 sisters got similar amounts.

Their father was an accountant with his own firm. He sold the firm when he retired. It was an Inheritance Tax avoidance scheme.

Not normal in my circle of friends.

How can it be the norm, when far more people in the UK don't have anywhere near the means to do this for their children? The lower paid working classes are still a sizable majority and are not dropping multiple thousands on their offspring. No matter how privileged your friend is, if she really thinks this is average, she isn't very intelligent. I'd be more inclined to believe its a faux naivety though, that's a kind of snobbery/bragging 'oh that old £100k? Surely that's normal...?'

have received very generous gifts but would never discuss even with very close friends and I don’t think anyone would be aware. I think it happens more than you think but most people are self-aware enough not to discuss it particularly if they know the other person isn’t in similar circumstances

Gifted is not a verb. Hth.

No idea, wouldn’t talk about it. My parents gave us 10k after we bought our house/as a wedding gift (both happened around the same time), and my husband and I were absolutely shocked at the size of the gift. My husband actually couldn’t speak 😂 if they gave me 100k I’d think they’d lost their minds. And I certainly wouldn’t be advertising it.

It happens in my circle. We have been the recipients of a gift for a house deposit. My parents' view is they'd rather see us use the money now then wait until after they die (and yes, they have kept money aside for care homes if they need it).

My husband and I have both inherited money. Not millions but enough to pay off the mortgage and completely renovate.
Now my parents are fretting about IHT and we each (4 of us) get £100 on our birthdays and at Christmas. They also paid for our new driveway (didn't ask them to, they insisted it was a housewarming gift). We've never spoken about any of this to anyone.

I don't think it's commonplace but I suspect it's not unusual either for comfortably off families once the older generation starts thinking about IHT ramifications. My parents were definitely not generous like this when I was younger. I'm not suggesting they should have been!

I have been gifted large sums of money for specific purposes. once was for a car which was out of the blue. Another was to pay off the mortgage on my house for which I am eternally grateful. we don’t really talk about it. I feel like people can be a bit snobby about it like ‘oh you can’t afford your own life so your mummy and daddy helped you out.’ But it wasn’t like that. We didn’t ask for the money, my parents approached us and said we want to do this for you. I later found out they had already done it for my brothers years previously, but that’s another story. Their attitude was like this will make your life better, but we’re not just going to give you a bunch of money to do with us please.

I know quite a lot of people who have been given or inherited vast chunks of cash. Or who get things like private school fees/dental care /cars etc paid for by their parents. Or parents pay for several nice holidays a year...

And then they work part time or are stay at home mums and think they are better than mums who need to work

Loads of my friends were given generous house deposits as a minimum, some had their first starter home bought for them.

These are quite normal people too. I think people do just keep quiet about it as they like people to think they are standing on their own feet

What. Yes it is https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/gift_2

I don't think many people openly boast about being gifted money, at least among people they know are less fortunate. Unless they're pretty unsubtle. So your friend saying it's 'average', well maybe amount other people with rich family or partners? Most people seem to keep information like that pretty private, I mean, even asking someone's salary or the value of their home is rude in British culture? Rightly so of course.
But if you could politely explain she's fortunate and among the general population it's probably far from 'average', I doubt she'd appreciate your feedback.
If she brings up another 'windfall' just laugh and say, 'ah, drinks are on you tonight then!'

It's quite common among my friends. I'm sure it's standard among middle class families where the parents are in their 70s plus with good pensions. Parents give them a few grand every year in some form or another - pay for a holiday or towards a car. Lots of my friends had big inheritances from grandparents because their parents didn't need the money.

I've never inherited but my parents give us some money here and there - they like to give us money for the kids so spending money for holidays, for their new clothes and hobbies. It's at least a grand a year and I'm very grateful. When I was younger they paid for rent deposits, for example, and for my Masters. They can afford it and they know I am sensible with money. I don't tell friends unless it comes up, which it often does as we're quite open about money.

I was given £50 when I went off to university. That's it. I lost a lot of respect for my friend when she phoned sobbing and very upset because her dad had bought the wrong car for her birthday. She was 36 at the time .

My heart breaks for her. The cruelty!

OMG did she not get a pink pony either?

I don't think it's uncommon - maybe not quite so regular, but in my social circle (I'm in my 60s), most people are giving money to their children, and if their parents are still alive they are receiving gifts from them (in addition to inheritance I mean). So one friend in her 50s received £15k as a gift for a holiday which she told me was fairly regular (once or twice a year, from an elderly parent) and then went on to receive enough inheritance to retire, all within the first quarter of the year.

That's a fairly indicative example. All the friends in question would consider themselves working class and middle to low income (!)

Fairly normal in my friendship group too to varying extents. We had help with a house deposit, a sibling had a free place to live for years and a house deposit and free childcare, friends have things like extensions paid for and fancy holidays. Pretty sure one friend's house was bought for them in full.

Personally I think it's worth being open about because, while you might feel jealous, it's better than feeling like you're inadequate because you're not doing as well as other people when they have a massive advantage.