What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

[2under2blah]

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

Sibling closeness completely depends on personalities and how much family members value spending time/effort on each other. My mum had me when she was 17. I'm 28, I have a 14 year old sister and we have always been very close, she even co slept with me as a toddler! There is a 6 year gap between me and another sister and we barely see each other. I am closest to my sister who is 18 months apart however this was not the case until we were about 15. As children we really didn't like each other and hardly ever got along! Our second baby is due when the first is 4.5 and we did it that way for the sake of our relationship/mental health/hobbies and work.

just over 12 months between mine, loved it, wouldn't change it, they are v close, all good. Do what works for you

I tried to link but it wouldn't work here is a screen shot

I have 3 under 4, but I really don't believe there is an obsession with 2 under 2.

Everyone just chooses the setup that best fits their personal circumstances.

We have a 3 year 7 month age gap. Oldest was at pre-school, out of nappies day and night, no dummies and could be relied upon to listen and not run off etc.

I could never have intentionally done 2 under 2. It just wasn't for me.

DD1 absolutely adores DD2 and vice versa. I do think nearer 3 years might have been better for them to be interested in similar things and if I had my time over probably would have started TTC #2 about 5/6 months before we did but I had just changed jobs so had to wait.

Like a previous poster said I was also older so wouldn't have left it any longer than I did x

Personally, I think a larger age gap (3 or 4 years) is better. Its helpful if the first is in pre-school when the second child arrives. When our second was napping, it gave me a chance to get on with stuff and I knew my eldest was having a great time at nursery in the mornings (less guilt). When I picked him up, we’d be out in the afternoons for walks, the park etc with our newborn having a second nap in the buggy. It just felt like a nice routine. 2 under 2 would have felt very stressful and I dont think there’s many parents that wouldn’t say it was ridiculously full on.

I only know one person with two under two and even she thought she was insane doing it. So it's not the norm/ideal everywhere. A 2.5-3 year gap seems to be the norm around here, to avoid paying double nursery fees for too long.

I have an 18 month gap and didnt think it was anything unusual, i had one baby, decided to have another and was lucky enough to not have secondary infertility.

They are either bff or tearing each other's hair out but i would reccomend the gap.

Obviously uni will be a ££ few years but im lucky enough for that not to be too much of an issue. I will have gcse/a levels one year so may regret it then haha

I’ve just remembered about the 2 girls in my sixth form who were sisters and so close in age that they were in the same school year. Both lovely and very different - one tall, one short; one blonde, one brunette; one sciency, one artsy

10 years between mine and I can see the advantages of two so close together but there are also advantages to big gaps.

ive heard people say that it’s to get the baby and toddler years over and done with asap…and I just think if something is that hard you want it over and done with asap why bother in the first place!

Honestly I don’t get it!

can anyone explain? Thank you!

I don’t get it either. Ds is 4 years and I wouldn’t have wanted another child yet. He will likely remain an only, but a larger gap if we ever have another. I can’t see how I would enjoy have two at a close age both needing help with everything from toilet to feeding, carrying, entertainment

Something being hard doesn’t mean it isn’t enjoyable. And sometimes hard things reap great rewards in the future. There’s a two year seven month age gap between mine - I’ve no dog in the race but having an under 2 is very intense and I can sort of understand accepting three very hard years in return for easier ones in the future (hopefully.)

Lots of kids in DD1s class at nursery now (almost 3) have siblings roughly the same age as DD2 (6 months) - we had 2 year 4 month age gap and I was about to say it’s really not that bad and clearly quite common - but as I typed it, DD1 tried to pick DD2 up and put her in her dolls pram 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I am a bit frazzled but thought that was just parenthood tbh (although I am back to work FT which probably doesn’t help!). There’s 8 years between me and my siblings and I love them but we’re not close in the way they’re close with each other.

I also think the gap is going to look different for everyone as it’s so dependent on individual children’s personalities - one family with a 3 year gap is going to have a totally different dynamic to another!

I would have thought people were having bigger age gaps to avoid two concurrent sets of nursery fees, which costs way more than most people's salaries

Currently preg with my 2nd and my DS will be 2 when new one arrives

super stressed about it.

but grateful.

didn’t want to wait much longer because of my age not the concept of 2 under 2. Was much more about me being an older mom than anything else.

I had two under 1 when the youngest was born (about 10 1/2 months between them - slightly shortened gap because I don't carry pregnancies to term apparently - should have been just a year).

Took 6 years to conceive DD1 so we just decided to leave it to chance regarding any number 2... and that phrase about waiting ages for a bus comes to mind.

If they'd been born at a different time in the year they could have been in the same school year, and they were in the same school class (mixed year group) one year - but they are incredibly close, there's a lot of overlap with friends groups and they still bicker like buggery and are very different individuals. As they get older they tend to hang about together a lot more I'm finding.

Childcare wasn't a cost as I stopped working when DD1 was born, but it did mean I could get back into training and career change sooner and not have to break that career trajectory again for a second child.

Costly 2 in nappies. I had a difficult birth so there bit gap 4 yrs. But whatever suits. 2 yr gap is very hard and energy wise too

This. Certainly hard work at first, but the (unplanned) 15 month gap worked very well for Dd’s two elder (G/B) - good friends from very early on, no jealousy, played together, enjoyed the same activities.

I have 3 under 2. I obviously didn’t plan on having twins but I knew I wanted another child and it wouldn’t happen if I got out of the baby stage and waited 3+ years.

I had 2 under eighteen months and it was total chaos! They get on fine though (adults now) and always did. Having said that my DH had a huge age gap between him and his DB and they got on well too. I think it is less to do with age gaps to be honest and more to do with personalities whether they get on or not. I wouldn't advise anyone to choose a particular gap for that reason, but I definitely wouldn't advise a very small gap like I had as it was ridiculously hard work.

Mine are just over 2 years apart and we planned it for various reasons. Close in age so they would hopefully play together and have similar interests (they do) get it all over and done with quicker (nappies, pushchairs etc) and because we wanted a baby when we did.

We didn't have to worry about nursery fees since I worked evenings and weekends so we just went with it.

There were some very hard bits, having both in nappies wasn't fun, neither was potty training but all ages gaps bring their own challenges.

I had two under one (just under 11 months apart) and it was hard work sure, but I was still in 'baby mode' when my second arrived. They've grown up very close (now 6 and 5). I think I'd maybe struggle a bit more now I'm ever so slightly older, I was 26/27 when mine arrived and I was slimmer with more energy!
There's no right or wrong though is there, however far apart your children arrive you make it work!

I had a 5 year gap between my first and second - except my second was actually twins so I had two under two and would not recommend!