To not want my boyfriend telling his mum about all our arguments?

[DenimDuck]

Every time we argue my boyfriend tells his mum about it.

He says he has to because when she calls she knows he is upset and he won't lie to his mum so he tells her.

I worry that she won't like me because of this

Today we argued because we are supposed to move in together soon, looking for apartments to rent and had a disagreement about splitting bills ( he doesn't have a good job at the moment and is looking for something better,I originally agreed to pay most rent, but changed my mind and I want to get cheaper and do half each which upset him and I do understand that)

he told his mum when she called

I told him I don't like it and can he please stop telling her- he said a few things

"No I won't lie to my mum to make you look better"

Omg what an unnattractive broke ass mummy's boy! I suggest you look at the lyrics of the songs No Scrubs and Bills Bills Bills because the songs were made for him. You really have had a lucky escape just a shame you couldn't have dumped him. He is gas lighting and manipulative and cocklodger and mummy's boys tend to be worse husbands because the want you to take over the role of being a mum to him. Please do not be sad. He reminds me of my exh. Be happy you don't have to carry him because the weight would be too much. This is the best scenario

Saying they can’t trust your word when they’re frustrated for not getting their own way is classic manipulation, as they’re attempting to make you waver because being untrustworthy isn’t a good thing.

You have definitely dodged a bullet! Horrible man.

I don’t think it’s an issue talking to his mum, people should be allowed to speak to family and friends and lean on them for support and advice.

The other issues don’t sound good though, perhaps not compatible

I think there is a big difference between confiding in a trusted family member with something you really need support in and running to that family member with every single argument or grievance you have with your partner.

jfc what a loser. I bet you called his bluff and now he’s trying to devastate you by taking away your chance to subsidise an unemployed cocklodger 😂 you’re well rid

Mummy’s boys don’t change. She will doubtless turn into a MIL from hell.

If you are already arguing a lot, I’d probably reassess and maybe not move in together.

Nope. Imagine when you get married, would you still want it to be like this ? Run now

It was a very lucky escape for you. And if Mum thought him wanting a free pass on the rent was acceptable, you were in for a very bumpy ride with that pair. You would always be the third wheel.

Find someone who’s going to make you his number one ❤️

I feel sorry for whoever ends up being his next girlfriend!

May be he dont want his girlfriend telling the internet about him or your augments.
Your broken up now so move on with life good luck.

I tell my mum this kind of stuff. If you don’t like it unfortunately it’s not something that can be changed ( from a mammy’s girl/ woman child aged 43!!!)

1. if he needs to talk to his mum for his wellbeing, you can’t really stop him.
2. How old is he? Is he very young. It seems like he is?
3. If you have valid and fundamental disagreement on something so sensitive as splitting costs, because he has different expectations and affordability to you, maybe it’s not time to move in together. I wouldn’t do it.
4. if his mother is sensible and wise, she will see that what you are saying is fair and it’s perhaps her son who is in the wrong, for expecting you to take the load. If she dislikes you, then to me that’s a flag.
5. he is being unkind with what he is saying to you, and frankly childish too.
6. marriage in this situation sounds like it could get messy.

Oh dear - I'd get out of that relationship and fast! I'm sorry to say this, but If he's bad-mouthing you to his mother he clearly doesn't see a future with you. If he's that close to her then he knows how important it is for him to be with a girl she likes so why would he's paint you in such a bad light.

Run 🏃‍♀️ doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship and moving in/ bringing money into it it’s only going to exacerbate this. I get the impression he’s sort of ‘telling on you’ like a child would and then bringing to your attention that he’s told his mum rather than the way some people have taken it weirdly like you don’t want him to confide in his mum which would obviously be a million % fine. I really have the ick for you time to move on X

If this was my son I’d be horrified that he expects his partner to bear the financial weight in the relationship, especially when he’s on the fence about long term commitment/marriage to you.

Honestly, you tried to implement a sensible equitable boundary and he threw a strop and went running to mummy.

He then tried to make you seem unreasonable. He may not be horrible to you, but that also doesn’t mean he’s good to you.

I also noticed you said you’re the one finding places. Sorting the budget etc. this is meant to be a joint venture?

Honestly OP I’d be fuming that he’s running to mummy and I’d be fuming at his expectation that you should carry the financial burden.

Are these really traits you want in a long term partner? As it’s unlikely he is going to change

🚩🚩🚩🚩
"Why would you do what you do and expect people to like you "

have you seriously written that out and not thought “this is not a nice guy at all”

LEAVE! Do not move in with him!

This would make me so mad! My now husband vented once to his mum about an argument we had and it wound me up even more. I feel they Everyone needs someone to vent about their parent too and it does sometimes help, but it should be a friend as they will offer advice/support and normally non judgemental. Parents (rightly) only want best for their child and to be told of every argument is going to make the parent dislike their daughter in law

Oh my goodness RED FLAGS.

he doesn’t wanna get married but wants you to fund him.

You stood up for yourself and he threw a tantrum and told mummy???

get out of that relationship. You are wasting your time with that one! Seriously, get out. Now. Or at least look at how hard it is to break the lease!

RUN. You will find better.

Thanks for being a good and reasonable mom/parent.

i grew up with an excellent mom. And that posters bf’s type moms exist I have only been recently made aware of, and they scare me.

very lucky escape, OP!! My cousin was the bloke in this scenario and his poor gf stayed and married him - she's had no end of trouble from my aunt (her MIL), who thinks she's entitled to an opinion on everything that happens in their relationship and sticks her oar into literally everything they do. My stupid cousin now really regrets involving her (he's grown up a lot since those early days) but there's no stopping her now!

My parents act as a sort of refuge for the poor wife, but it's pretty hellish for her having such an overbearing MIL with no sense of boundaries.

You've definitely done the right thing sticking to your ultimatum. Now run away as fast as poss and don't look back!

Don't move in with this guy. This whole situation is a walking red flag. He's crying to mummy because you expect him to pay rent? You think this is going somewhere?

I mean, you should be talking to each other about these things, not his mum, but I'm not going to lay all the blame on him like a lot of other posters are. You changed the agreement the two of you made. There seems to be this idea that arguing is normal and healthy. It isn't. Our NDN are always arguing and have a terrible relationship - we know because we hear everything - if you talk to them about it there's always excuses about the "rough patch" of 4+ years they're going through. My point is, break up with him. I don't think you will make each other happy in the long run.

He is being horrible to you in the way he’s acting and you’re blinded/not seeing it. He’s a man child and as other posters have said, it’s not going to end well unless you bow to his way of doing things, so you need to question if you’re willing to put up with his disrespect.

This guy is priming to be the worst decision you ever made.
These are all classic controlling statements. No he shouldn't lie about it but also he's no need to air out everything that happens in his relationship.
That last comment about doing what you do and expecting people to like you isn't just a red flag. It's a burning dumpster fire that can be seen from the moon.
Back away. Don't stay with this guy. Once you tell him it's not working sit back and watch him turn up the manipulation and abusive statements.
We all disagree and sometimes we don't like our in laws but he's already trying to manipulate you and he's using his relationship with his mum to do it. Having a good relationship and talking through issues is a necessary escape for us all. The fact he's weaponising it isn't good.
He isn't going to end this cause you're on the back foot but you need to.
Walk away and don't look back. He's not going to change. Take the L now and find someone else x

I don't think there is anything wrong with confiding in others about relationship issues however I think it is important that the conversations reflects both sides and the truth otherwise he is only looking for sympathy and validation.

My partner used to be terrible for giving only the information that did not show him in a negative light and used to leave out crucial information of the argument, adding arms and legs which in turn would paint me as an awful partner. Due to this I have very little trust in him and have anxiety any time we fight worrying he is going to change the narrative to others.