Page 6 | AIBU to hubby of 20 years over a sandwich

UnctuousUnicorns · 08/05/2024 01:36

Soulmatesneverdie · 07/05/2024 07:22

You are not unreasonable, it’s not about the sandwich. The other day when we were coming back from the park my DW got hungry and asked me and our 4yr DS if we wanted McDonalds. We both said no. She parked and asked me again if I really didn't want anything, not even fries, to which I said no (again). She goy herself a Happy Meal and as she opened the box I suddenly got hungry and ate her fries. ( we were already on the way back home). When challenged that I said I didn’t want anything I replied: because I didn’t at the time, you should know, I’m a woman, I changed my mind. And the next day when she was grocery shopping she got me a chocolate bar she knows I like and said “Im never going to come back to you empty handed from the food store”.
She could have argued about that McDonald's situation, pointed how I was unreasonable, and win in any court but instead she chose to understand the deeper meaning.

😲 If she's got any sense, next time she'll eat her McDonald's meal in the carpark , rather than first driving you home while you scarf half of it. My DH would never dream of eating something that I'd bought for myself!

Icantpaint · 08/05/2024 02:53

I love how he’s been called abusive (bingo!) but those posters saying they would and have done exactly the same as him… silence

Soulmatesneverdie · 08/05/2024 07:51

UnctuousUnicorns · 08/05/2024 01:36

😲 If she's got any sense, next time she'll eat her McDonald's meal in the carpark , rather than first driving you home while you scarf half of it. My DH would never dream of eating something that I'd bought for myself!

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Well, that’s not the point if your husband would or not, it’s between me and my wife, and the fact that if you’re preparing food/buying food you should always include others, even if they didn't ask you to include them and sometimes despite the fact they repetitively said they dont want anything.
Btw, I’m also a wife, so why say “My DH wouldn’t ever dream of eating etc.” Why don’t you say instead: “I would never dream of eating sth he bought for himself”. Just don’t understand why I was immediately treated as a husband in my story with all that associates with being a husband: lazy one, doesn't have a clue, no mental load to worry about and on top of it eating wife’s McDonald’s. Shocking! 😆

UnctuousUnicorns · 08/05/2024 11:50

"Btw, I’m also a wife"

Yeah, I got that, thanks. 👍

How about - neither my husband, nor I (wife), would ever dream of scoffing food that the other had bought for themselves, unless they had first asked and been given consent to, or it had been offered to them. In our relationship of 28 years so far, that's just what we consider mutual respect. But you do you. 🤷‍♀️

Summerlovin24 · 08/05/2024 18:17

YANBU
Selfish
I used to be the main food shopper and cooker when kids lived here. If DH was out i made dinner and put on 4 plates so he had some when he got in. The odd time i was put or back late from work he would have fed the kids something easy eg pizza or pasta. Left kitchen a mess and not left me any...WTAF when I cooked 99% of time and always left him some. His response when I challenged him? I didn't know if u wanted any...
Unreal. I had been at work or out at my sport so likelihood is I wanted food. To not even ask and completely ignore me made me feel a non entity, a non person and showed such utter disregard for me. Funnily enough he is now my ex DH. 6 years on that still baffles me and angers me
So YANBU at all

Summerlovin24 · 08/05/2024 18:20

littlecats · 05/05/2024 18:13

I’m with you. It’s weird. It doesn’t mean he’s generally a thoughtless person or a bad husband or he doesn’t love you but it was a thoughtless act. I had something similar recently with my husband. I do most of the cooking in the house. We usually both work from home. I finish between 5 and 5:30 whereas he doesn’t usually finish until after 7 so I just cook dinner as that is what makes sense. A couple of weeks ago I had to go into the office for a change so wouldn’t be home until 6pm. He needed to go out in the evening at 6:30 so I wouldn’t have time to cook dinner and for him to eat it before he needed to leave so I suggested he go to the supermarket at lunch time to buy pizza that could be heated up quickly in the evening. When I got home he was just putting the pizza in the oven. Just one pizza, enough for him. The kids hadn’t been fed and I needed dinner too. It hadn’t occurred to him to buy more than just what he needed. I calmly queried it as I wouldn’t have considered buying myself a pizza and not thought about what the rest of the family would need, but he just snapped at me that he does enough work around here. I don’t disagree that he works hard at his job plus does a lot of housework and house admin. It was just really inconceivable that he could buy himself a pizza and not the rest of us, especially when he knew I’d be back from
work later than usual. Plus we can definitely afford it so that isn’t a reason. Good people can make odd choices and sometimes react in weird ways when challenged, probably because they know you’re right.

Exactly this
Not participating in family life as a partner

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 08/05/2024 18:36

@Keeper11 that's a really arse about face way of thinking of things.

Don't you ever grab yourself a little treat from the shop and think you'll get one for your partner as well? And it was a treat, because of course he could have just made sandwiches at home, couldn't he? He had enough thought to buy one for his daughter, but not his wife.

And yes, it's petty. But when you're constantly an afterthought, it can easily build to be the straw that broke the camels back. Which it clearly has here.

BirthdayRainbow · 08/05/2024 19:57

Soulmatesneverdie · 08/05/2024 07:51

Well, that’s not the point if your husband would or not, it’s between me and my wife, and the fact that if you’re preparing food/buying food you should always include others, even if they didn't ask you to include them and sometimes despite the fact they repetitively said they dont want anything.
Btw, I’m also a wife, so why say “My DH wouldn’t ever dream of eating etc.” Why don’t you say instead: “I would never dream of eating sth he bought for himself”. Just don’t understand why I was immediately treated as a husband in my story with all that associates with being a husband: lazy one, doesn't have a clue, no mental load to worry about and on top of it eating wife’s McDonald’s. Shocking! 😆

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It was obvious you are a wife too. You are still in the wrong. Very silly to say someone absolutely must make food for someone who repeatedly says they don't want any. What a waste.

Nanaof1 · 08/05/2024 21:31

AbbyBradley · 08/05/2024 01:15

As far as I can make out, the child was with the father.
The father treated himself and the child that was out with him to a sandwich each.
The wife then spoiled the moment because she hadn't been included in this father/child lunch.
That's how I've read the post.

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Thank you. 😊I misread it and thought that the OP was with her DD and the DH brought home two sandwiches and was not with DD.

Who's on first? 😉🤔

AbbyBradley · 13/05/2024 01:30

Nanaof1 · 08/05/2024 21:31

Thank you. 😊I misread it and thought that the OP was with her DD and the DH brought home two sandwiches and was not with DD.

Who's on first? 😉🤔

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Who's on first? 😂😂 ~ 🌧️🧔🏼 ~ 😆

So much to read here, can easily get the wrong end of the stick. No harm done !

Take care ♥️ x

neilyoungismyhero · 13/05/2024 01:36

I've got one like this. Complete toddler tantrums about this exact stuff and he's 70.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2024 01:40

WormHasTurned · 02/05/2024 07:28

I think the phrase I can’t do anything right is possibily the most passive-aggressive turn of phrase someone can use. XH said it..a lot. Somehow it twists things so that if you complain about one thing, they imply that you’re overly critical about everything despite how hard they try. It stops any arguments from being resolved because it diverts away from what you’re complaining about to making you defend yourself for being critical. PP accused you of ‘nagging’ - there’s anothe thread where someone asks if they were a nag. Lots of people joining in saying nagging is a misogynistic term and saying nagging is essentially having to ask multiple times for someone to be done. XH used to say ‘stop nagging me’. I said ‘if you’d do it the first time I asked I wouldn’t have to “nag” and ask you repeatedly!’. Note he is an X for many reasons, but his passive-aggressive attitude meant we never resolved anything. He constantly flipped the blame on to me. I asked too much of him apparently. Life is far more peaceful without him living here.

I see your 'can't do anything right' and raise you 'men can't even talk to women any more'. These phrases are always used by wankers. We need stock responses.

"Well no you can't" ironically works for both.

HereToday99 · 13/05/2024 02:06

Mumto5kiddies · 01/05/2024 12:24

I do the shopping, hubby very rarely does. On the way home today from an appointment with one of the kids I asked if he could nip to a supermarket and get some toilet roll(to add he’s the one in the house that spends most of their time on the toilet). He grabbed the toilet roll and came in with a sandwich for him and DD.

I know I’m tired and have a lot going on health wise but I got annoyed that he didn’t even think of calling me and saying do you want a sandwich as I’m buying for myself and DD.

So he’s come in and I’ve said it’s annoyed and upset me that I shop for everybody and make sure I buy for everybody but I didn’t even cross his mind which prompted the child in him to storm into the kitchen and dramatically throw the sandwich away instead of eating it, it wasn’t opened so I took it out and put it in the fridge. He then asked me what my problem was and he can’t do anything right.

If I shop and see something I think he would like I always buy it for him but he pretty much eats anything whereas I’m a picky eater.

Would you be annoyed/upset or AIBU?

Assuming this was at a normal meal time when he knew you would be home when he got there, I would be very annoyed by this.

GoldDuster · 13/05/2024 16:21

neilyoungismyhero · 13/05/2024 01:36

I've got one like this. Complete toddler tantrums about this exact stuff and he's 70.

May this be a portent for your future OP. I personally wouldn't spend a lifetime watching a man throw sandwiches in the bin like a poorly emotionally regulated preschooler, but we all have our choices to make.