AIBU to hubby of 20 years over a sandwich

[Mumto5kiddies]

I do the shopping, hubby very rarely does. On the way home today from an appointment with one of the kids I asked if he could nip to a supermarket and get some toilet roll(to add he’s the one in the house that spends most of their time on the toilet). He grabbed the toilet roll and came in with a sandwich for him and DD.

I know I’m tired and have a lot going on health wise but I got annoyed that he didn’t even think of calling me and saying do you want a sandwich as I’m buying for myself and DD.

So he’s come in and I’ve said it’s annoyed and upset me that I shop for everybody and make sure I buy for everybody but I didn’t even cross his mind which prompted the child in him to storm into the kitchen and dramatically throw the sandwich away instead of eating it, it wasn’t opened so I took it out and put it in the fridge. He then asked me what my problem was and he can’t do anything right.

If I shop and see something I think he would like I always buy it for him but he pretty much eats anything whereas I’m a picky eater.

Would you be annoyed/upset or AIBU?

prompted the child in him to storm into the kitchen and dramatically throw the sandwich away

The fact he would prefer to throw the sandwich in the bin rather than offer it to you says a lot.

Because I can read minds and knew he was buying lunch?

I'm just going to leave these two links here...

https://mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

No I do always answer calls and texts from him
or DD 14 who was with him. Not always immediately but if I had missed it due to dealing with DD 13 months old that would be different.

Of course he was selfish and all those trying to justify his behaviour are just being arses. In a family unit it is normal to behave kindly to all members. What he did was selfish and unkind.
OP your husband is also an arse.

Folk round here don't like "hubby" (Or "hub" or "bubba" or "bubs")

Must admit I kind of agree.

I was completely thinking that you were right to be annoyed and upset until you said about being a picky eater. Now I don’t know: he could have been being thoughtless and selfish, or he could genuinely be doubtful about whether you would want one or not.

Uh oh, the “you didn’t ask” phrase is used a lot in this house😂.

But I’ve been with him 20 years so he knows what I like to eat. When I say picky I mean I will eat vegetarian sandwiches like cheese and onion but I’m allergic to eggs so can’t have those, which he knows.

But I’ve been with him 20 years so he knows what I like to eat. When I say picky I mean I will eat vegetarian sandwiches like cheese and onion but I’m allergic to eggs so can’t have those, which he knows.

Folk round here should find another site if they like to police language.

Oh, this is my first post. I wasn’t aware it was offence but I felt see you next Tuesday maybe too harsh.

I must admit sometimes I get a sandwich for myself if I am in a shop and don't ask DP if he wants one because he is such a picky eater I can't be bothered to search forever for something he will eat.
In my defence though I do 100% of cooking at home so I think I am entitled to the odd ready made sandwich while he makes his own.

You didn't have to edit. I don't mind being told to piss off!!

Not worth the deletion!

We don't have to all agree, but at least own it. I certainly wouldn't feel the need to report it.

Yes he was selfish for not grabbing you a cheese sandwich, and he was even more unreasonable for having a tantrum and throwing his own sandwich in the bin in response to being asked why.

I've got teenagers who behave better.

I would have just let it go, its just a sandwich, not a huge takeaway meal. you knew he was at the shop, and you asked him to get loo roll, you didn't ask for a sandwich. Yes he could have rang to ask if you wanted one when he got hid but equally you could have mentioned it to him if you were hungry. Just a lack of communication on both sides here.

I do nearly all the shopping unless I’m too unwell then I have to send a picture list of what we need, I do all the cooking, I pay all bills, deal with all appointments for us and the 5 children, deal with the SEN children’s EHCP’s and tribunals, book parents evenings, book and top up the children’s lunches, sort the car insurance, servicing and repairs, sort home repairs etc. He was works full time.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable, aside from the fact you constantly think of his and your children's needs, it wouldn't have taken much for him to ask or get you something.

As a one off I'd let it pass. If he's consistently thoughtless and selfish then I'd be upset.

Not a one off sadly but today I had a go and got the above reaction so I thought I would ask on here to see if I was BU.

But I didn’t know he was getting lunch for himself and DD.

How could he offer it to the OP? It had egg in it and the OP is allergic to egg.

I'm sorry to hear it's not a one off. So there are bigger issues in your relationship then?

My immediate thought about the sandwich was I'd never think to buy a sandwich for someone who was in the house. I feel like supermarket sandwiches are quite horrible, made in a factory and just not very appealing. I only ever eat them when absolutely desperate! If someone was in the house I'd assume they could make a much nicer sandwich themselves. If I was buying something more interesting (like a take away or a nice pie from a bakery etc) then I'd always ask DH if he wants one too. But a supermarket sandwich when he's in the house? No way - not when there's nice bread, cheese and ham at home!