If money was no object would you leave?

[Springtime111]

DH and I were discussing a couple we know who are not very happily married. Of course, we don't know the intricacies, and they 'jog along' but chatting between us we wondered if they stay more for the nice house/business etc, as don't really seem to like each other very much from things they say to us, and regularly threatening to leave (but never do)

It got me wondering how many people would actually leave their spouse if they came into a large sum of money so there's no financial difficulties to encounter going it alone. I'm guessing a lot.

Would you?

No, I had to kiss a LOT of toads (I like frogs) to find my husband. If money were no object we'd have fun spending it together 😁

Thanks for replying.
Yes, and bills, but the mortgage isn't terribly high for our age. My partner could afford it himself. I am willing to leave the family home, but also don't see why I should.
He doesn't want to split up. I facilitate his life. All housework, do most of childcare, I even sleep on the sofa every night as he snores. He's got a pretty sweet deal out of it.

Just so many factors. Scared of loosing DD- my partner and ILs are capable of fighting dirty and gaslighting. DD adores her dad. Scared of him running away with her.
I have fragile MH and don't know if I can ever make the leep.
We've tried everything. Talking , couples counselling. Nothing works. Just lots of underlying resentment building up over the years that we both can't shake off.
X

I once felt trapped in a relationship like that. Then he got a serious illness and passed away. It's taken years to process the complicated grief/guilt. Would I have taken the money and left him? Yes. It's very tough, feeling trapped in a bad relationship.

Would I take the money and leave my DH now? Absolutely not in a million years.

Nope.

I think right now I would. I'm mostly staying in a not-terrible but not great relationship for the children (for me to still be with them and for them to have the stability and opportunities our situation provides).

It's a marginal call, but if it was enough money that I wouldn't need to work then I (and DP) could have enough time to have quality time with the children even with 50% access.

The children wouldn't be impacted as much as if we split with our current financial situation - because to split now would lead to the children having a lower quality of life and disruption (sell family home, more breakfast clubs / after school clubs, less extra curriculars etc).

No. DH enhances my life far more than he detracts from it.

My first thought is yes, I would leave. But I do wonder if I would have different feelings if the stresses that a lack of money brings to our life (we are not at all well off, life is a struggle) were gone, so I would stay for at least a year.

Sounds like they're both getting what they want out of it, then.

No.

I was trapped as a child. I made sure as an adult that I would never be in that position again.

Is it really such a bad reason to stay together? If you rub along fine, like one another, are friends, and there’s a bit of affection and intimacy occasionally, is staying together because if affords you an easier, more comfortable lifestyle, a bad thing?

Yes, the opening paragraph was about an unhappy couple. She refers to people staying in unhappy, unfulfilling marriages. She asks would you leave your spouse if money was no object. It's a no brainer to deduce that she means if you're in an unhappy relationship would you leave if you came into money.

Why would someone in a happy, loving marriage leave?!

No, I'd stay. My DH frustrates me sometimes but I've loved him for 30 years and my life would be very dull without him.

As it happens I out earn him x 4 and I'm likely to get inheritance before him. I'll be investing it to make our life more comfortable.

Exactly!

Why would someone in a happy, loving marriage leave?!
Not every one is in a happy or unhappy marriage.
I know quite a few couples over the years that just tick over. They stay out of habit and can't be bothered doing anything about it.

I would maybe leave if he then refused to move into a beautiful dream house by the sea!
Otherwise not.

Yes of course it opens about unhappy couples because they're very relevant and prompted the question... but the actual question asked was: How many people would actually leave their spouse if they came into a large sum of money so there's no financial difficulties to encounter going it alone?

Or: If money was no object, would you leave?

So if you wouldn't leave your spouse even if financially you can/could, you are included in the question. She's essentially asking how common it is, so people on both sides are relevant.

Perhaps she didn't mean to ask that, but she did, so until she returns to rephrase the question...that's what the question is. And that's why so many of us who aren't staying for financial reasons have responded.

My ex brings home 10k a year more than I do.

I didn't stay for money. Poor and free (and make no mistake I am definitely poor) is a better life than a gilded cage with a man who had no respect for me, no love for me, and no appreciation of all the shit I did for him and our son

Erm, no.

I out-earn my husband and always have. I could comfortably buy him out of our house and afford to run the house alone.

I stay because I love him.

Although I count myself among the ones who wouldn't leave (and financially I could; I'd have to make some changes but I wouldn't be destitute), I do think it's easier to imagine the reality of poverty and say you'd do it, than to actually do it. Having no money is one of those things that you really can't understand unless you've been through it, and it's easy to imagine that it's not as dreadful and constantly anxiety-inducing as it is. People have been known to take their own lives over unmanageable debts and money troubles. Money is the thing couples argue about the most.

It’s also not fair to burn the man’s time, even if they’re too selfish / stupid to leave.
But I bet it happens a lot

I'd leave work!

I assumed this was about jobs not husbands.

No, definitely not. But I love my husband, so it isn't an issue I have to contend with.

Job? Not sure. My job brings me a lot of purpose and satisfaction, even though, at times, it is stressful and inconvenient. I wouldn't leave without a plan. So the 'money is no object' scenario would have to involve enough money for me to enact a plan: retraining; setting ups business...

Well in those cases, the man often does have the financial means to leave and is also choosing not to. He may not know the relationship is unhappy but quite often he does and stays for the childcare, domestic work being done and contact with the children; his own benefits.

Some days, I would without a doubt and some days I think " he's alright "😉... I wouldn't be able to leave financially and that worries me at times.

Agreed. I won't leave until my kids have left to live their own lives. I get on with my husband fine, I just don't love him anymore. I can muddle along another 5 to 10 years if it means the children have a stable home. (I can't afford a house big enough for me and the kids)

And no, the kids aren't affected, I have a good life, I'm not unhappy, I don't have to.pretend, there is no bad atmosphere. I actually enjoy my husbands company sometimes! I just don't want to spend the rest of my life with him 🤷‍♀️