If money was no object would you leave?

[Springtime111]

DH and I were discussing a couple we know who are not very happily married. Of course, we don't know the intricacies, and they 'jog along' but chatting between us we wondered if they stay more for the nice house/business etc, as don't really seem to like each other very much from things they say to us, and regularly threatening to leave (but never do)

It got me wondering how many people would actually leave their spouse if they came into a large sum of money so there's no financial difficulties to encounter going it alone. I'm guessing a lot.

Would you?

I left exH knowing I couldn't keep the house and would have to downsize to a flat and one income. He would have been happy to continue as we were.

House would be £1m+, but when a marriage has problems, you can put windows and doors around it but it doesn't solve the issues.

Not talking about all relationships.

This thread was about unhappy people in relationships.

Why would happy people leave if they had enough money?

I asked, basically: If someone is unhappy and they stay because money, aren't they selling their life?

People happy in relationships don't even factor into the topic or my comments.

Not now, but there was a time when I would have. I used to fantasise about winning the lottery so I could leave. Our marriage is in a much better place now, and that has taken work from both of us. I'm actually in a position now where if I wanted to I could afford to leave, but so far, I don't want to!

Yes, I thought that response was weird. Thread is about unhappy relationships.

Been the best thing I ever did. Money was an object, and I still found a way to leave. I'm thriving financially and personally in a way I never would have been able to if I was still married to him, he was borderline financially abusive and absolutely held the purse strings, I'm sure that was no accident.

I know plenty of couples who feel trapped together financially, but whether they would find another reason to stay together if their financial situation changed who knows.

That's not really true. OP didn't limit it to unhappy relationships. She said that she suspected many people in unhappy relationships stay for financial reasons, then threw the floor open to ask us if we would leave if money made it possible. A lot of us have said no.

I think it's easy to say you'd rather a life alone in poverty than together but miserable, but it's rather missing the grey area. Lots of couples aren't blissfully happy but aren't totally miserable either, and there's no guarantee they would be happier single/with someone else. Also, living in genuine poverty is probably going to be far worse for many than comfortably off in a "blah" marriage! That's like people who say money can't buy happiness when they are sitting pretty on a decent salary in a nice house!

I do think there are people who say they can't leave for financial reasons when in fact, they are just very scared of making the leap into the unknown. And I think this is very justified to be honest, leaving a known (even when it has its issues) for a total unknown is scary. You know how you can cope with your current situation, you don't know if/how you would cope in future. It's big stuff!!

But surely the question only applies to people in unhappy relationships?! As pp said, a couple who are happy but hard up aren't going to split up if they come into money. They would simply become happy and comfortably off.
The question is: would you leave your unhappy relationship/marriage if you had the funds to do so?

Yes. I know I am wasting my life but the thought of struggling financially makes me feel miserable and I would be concerned with what my husband would do if I left.

This isn't the life I imagined I would have.

No, she didn't make that specification. She said:

It got me wondering how many people would actually leave their spouse if they came into a large sum of money so there's no financial difficulties to encounter going it alone. I'm guessing a lot.

Would you?

And then added:

I wonder if a lot stay in unhappy, unfullfilling marriages because of the fear of going it alone financially.

Perhaps she didn't mean to ask that and will come back to change the question, but at the moment, she's definitely just asking if you'd leave if you had no financial worries about it. She seems to be trying to get an idea of how many people are in the situation of an unhappy marriage, so it makes sense for people who wouldn't to respond.

Exactly the same here.

Yes.
We've been together 12 years this summer. Unhappy for the last 5 or 6.
He won't leave.
I can't afford to.
I don't have the kind of family or friends who will help me at all.
It's very hard.
for the others on the thread who've said similar.

I agree, the example OP gave is of a 'not very happy marriage' and she also supposes that a lot of people would leave their marriages if they came into money. So she's asking about people in unhappy relationships.

If people in happy relationships would leave their partners just because they came into money then that is really weird. Especially as if they're married they'd have to give half the money to their partner anyway.

No. I'm quite fond of him.

I could leave anyway. I'm financially independent and haven't mixed finances. Always thought that a daft idea.

This is sad. Is it the mortgage that would be the concern?

Plenty of couples can't afford to divorce, it's very sad.
It is always telling to me how many women with self made money or inherited money choose to live alone...

There was no amount of money that could have ever got me to leave my late OH. And I'd burn everything I own to the ground for one more day with him.

I know some couples who would take the money and split though, but I don't see the point in wasting life with someone you don't love. It's too short.

Yes, in a heartbeat.

Yes

Absolutely not. After much trial & error, I finally found the right man. We are not married & childfree by choice. I am financially comfortable and I have a good job, so I could easily leave if I wanted to but I have no intention of doing so. Fortunately for both of us, he feels the same.

No.

Your post assumes people stay for the ' nice house' which is quite judgy.

For many its about not so much about ' staying for the nice house' ( that house is not longer nice if you are living with someone you don't like - its no longer a space of comfort, is it?) its more staying to avoid dire financial destitution, and upheaval for kids to live in a deprived area. Not many want to drag themselves or their kids into that. For some its a choice between shit and shit options.

There is a view on here that leaving will always result in a happy ever after. Not all are in a place to rebuild a stable financial life after leaving and many would have to uproot their kids, or face losing custody to the father if the father can afford to stay in the marital home and they cannot. Not all have husbands that are competent to raise the kids if they gained custody but could not prove this in court.

Some women face really hard choices and hard lives not matter what they do. That situation is made worse by knowing others will judge you as 'staying for the money'.

No, we’re two peas in a pod and yet somehow manage to make up for where the other falls down (I think he feels the same lol!!)

No but I know a couple who are more a mutual dependency than a marriage. All she wants is the house and he’s so dim he relies on her to do everything for him. Everything

No