The trend of putting the boot in to the OP

[ZippyPinkUser]

I’ve seen it here a lot more recently, there will be a post where you can tell someone is genuinely struggling and 95% will be decent well intentioned responses and then bam someone comes along and seemingly goes out of their way to be unkind to the Op.

anyone else here think they’ve been seeing that a lot more lately

Yes it’s really horrible ! X

You didn't try and have a discussion, stop lying. You ran and told the teacher and got my comment deleted.

Mostly sad little incel/MRAs. Easy to spot.

What?

No. I didn't. Someone else must have felt it needed reporting.

And if MN upheld that and deleted it then your comment must have been inappropriate

Funny how you instantly accuse me of lying and call it "telling the teacher" when you're the one also criticising posters for being "mean" which is why MN self mods

Oh please
Everyone who disagrees and gets called vile is not a man

Stop trying to use that as some sort of insult or shut down!

Someone has posted this or similar every 6 months for the last 5 years.

I was actually quoting another poster in the comment that was deleted. Listen we all know how easy it is to get comments deleted on Mumsnet. All it takes is one poster who disagrees with it and they get it deleted. But you know that don't you?

You were quoting them but calling me a freak by reference

I actually find it quite hard sometimes to get comments deleted unless they are really harsh (like the other day when someone started calling another poster a peado lover for no real reason) and that MN will leave comments up that a lot of the time

But again I DIDN'T REPORT YOU

You might find a read of this thread interesting OP:https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5065678-to-think-so-many-threads-are-fake-because-actual-people-are-too-scared-to-post?reply=134932790

I think that some people ARE just horrible for the sake of it, however some folk also don't like hearing a different perspective than theirs/the majority.

I used to ignore the first 3 posts.
Now its ignore the first 3 pages.

People who actually want to help or give advice take a moment to think about what they're posting.

Those looking for the thrill of hurting a stranger will just leap for the jugular.

That's my take anyway.

Sometimes the first three posts are the most honest answers, and they are also not jumping on the bandwagon of other's opinions.
I feel like some people are just here to be horrible, but there are still a lot of nice folk out there.

thank you !

I agree. Personal attacks are invariably deleted if people take the trouble to report them.

Yes, I report personal attacks too, and MN are pretty good with deleting them.
I do think some posters shout 'attack' when really it's just someone disagreeing with them. Respectful disagreement isn't an attack.

Respectful disagreement isn't an attack.

Agree, but the OP is asking about threads from OP's who are visibly struggling and about responses that are not respectful. It doesn't take that much longer to tailor a disagreement so that it comes across as supportive, vs disagreeing in a way that is obviously going to leave the OP worse than you found them.

On that I think there are a lot of posters who, perhaps, do not genuinely realise (or care?) how harmful they are being. It doesn't take a personal insult to harm - even multiple people calling you smug or judgey is going to hurt if you are already struggling.

That's what I object to. By all means tell an OP you disagree. Tell them you think they are wrong. Tell them you think they would do better to change. But phrase it in a way that makes it more likely the OP will benefit from your POV, not be harmed by it.

(I mean the general 'you' - not you specifically )

I asked for advice yesterday, had 40 lovely responses and 2 absolutely vile comments that left me very upset and I ended up asking admin to remove the entire post. So many of the users were genuine, helpful and lovely but the two nastier characters left me in awe. Sometimes I do wonder if people are ok, they must be really miserable to feel the need to attack others!

I do honestly think people look for opportunities to be offended much more now. Perfectly good threads get derailed because of someone's offhand word or reference, usually not meant in a malicious way. There's an 'issue' at the moment which you can almost guarantee will turn into a pile on which is taking over from the trans issue, if you can believe it. Posters just roam around the boards just looking for people to scold. 'At last! There's something I can take offence at!'

I don't know about the OP but the same posters always go out of their way to put the boot in to the disabled.

What's the issue?

Language really matters, so does being mindful that we really might not know much about a poster other than their current post (and perhaps a few previous posts). For that reason I try to be mostly kind in my responses - I say mostly kind because some posters bring out the worst in me with their horrible comments/replies/nastiness (though even then I do try to be kind, admittedly I don't always succeed).

Sorry that happened.
I expect there are quite a few trolls and/or folk with ongoing issues of some sort.
I hope the more pleasant advice was helpful.

germinate it, in fact !

What issue? I'm wondering if it's what I've noticed or not.

I do report anyone who’s being unpleasant, too. No shame. Even if that’s all I do on that thread.

I’ve posted on here recently - admittedly to excess - as I’ve been struggling with anxiety throughout the first trimester with my rainbow baby. Feeling a lot better now but still have my worries now and then. There are a couple of users who pop up on all of my posts with spiteful comments along the theme of, ‘you again, you’re always posting’. I don’t know what they think highlighting that is going to achieve. They can just ignore it, but they don’t.

I saw a thread on here a while back about a lady who was unhappy with her family and wanted to go no-contact, she seemed in a really lonely position and there were comments suggesting she was the problem. Staggering!

To balance though there’s a load of good.