The trend of putting the boot in to the OP

[ZippyPinkUser]

I’ve seen it here a lot more recently, there will be a post where you can tell someone is genuinely struggling and 95% will be decent well intentioned responses and then bam someone comes along and seemingly goes out of their way to be unkind to the Op.

anyone else here think they’ve been seeing that a lot more lately

There are some horrors! And people who would argue a black crow was white just for the hell of it!

Theres a thread at the minute where the OP had a shit husband and feels she should have been a doormat to avoid divorce, a worringly high number of replies are people being horrible to her for using the word nag. Some people just enjoy being unpleasant.

I agree with this.

There are the regular threads like this, suggesting that MN has become nastier but it just isn't the case, and I've been on her with one name or another for 20 years.

Not saying there isn't the odd poster who needs to learn some manners, but whenever I've seen an attack on another poster, I report it, and MNHQ are very good at taking down those posts.

What I do see, is far too many posters who seem to think anyone not agreeing with the OP is "being nasty" to them (or bullying or whatever other terms are used). Too many people it seems struggle to grasp that a discussion will have different opinions. What some people call 'a pile on' is often a thread where the OP is being incredibly unreasonable, and the overwhelming majority will say so. To me, that is people answering the question they have posed, whereas there are a few posters on here who actually seem to think we should all agree with the op, just because they started the thread

If this is the same thread in on, I don't see it that way at all ( so far anyway!) The posts are being supportive to the OP and rather nicely saying hang on a minute, you are not the problem, he is. Don't call yourself a nag, he is the problem.
It would however be a thread that some men may take slight at. 🤷‍♀️

It's how they express that though, and I have also been guilty of overstating the case when someone has been rude and nasty.

I don't think so!
Once one starts they all pile in

If it's anything like school and office workplaces, it's usually a bitch or two in the midst.

There used to be orchestrated attacks on Mumsnet, I think the culprits were F4J and some football message groups. Mumsnet also gets mentioned in incel groups, it's not beyond belief to suspect some stirring by those red pill types.

That said having being at the receiving end of some appalling behaviour from other women, I don't have a lot of faith in the "sisterhood". I know a few women in real life who would relish putting the boot into someone vulnerable

The responses are often far worse than on any other social media forum I have posted on.

@Pantaloons99 I must be used to this place now but when I first joined I felt the same. I don't find reddit that bad tbh (depends what sub you go in though I suppose) so I'm always surprised when reddit gets brought up as being toxic or whatever. But for sure there's no kid gloves here😆

I was going to say pretty similar to your last paragraph

It does seem like sometimes either the OP or a "do gooder" type poster will start calling out bullying and nastiness and say the replies are vile when all the replies are doing are telling the OP that their unreasonable behaviour (which OP insists on doubling down on being OK) is unreasonable and why

There have been some truly vile comments but MN does generally delete them quickly when reported

And this is all too often rolled out as well
Calling posters "men" because they don't follow the "expected narrative"0

I've been on here for 12 years and I do think it has changed. The nastiness has definitely increased, but what I really miss is the wit and humour. That has definitely decreased.

I agree. And the posters who seek to call out what they see as bullying or mean responses have becoming increasingly aggressive….and bullying and mean in the way they do so. I think that reflects a general cultural wave, though. People are feeling they need to fight what they perceive as aggression, with aggression. We see it everywhere.

Id also add that what might feel like a pile on is often just the nature of the game. Millions of people use this site. A person asks a question that thousands of people will see. Hundred might reply to it. If many hundreds or even tens of people feel the same way, they’ll say the same thing, one after the other, in a list of comments. That will read like a pile on - but it’s just many people saying the same thing one after the other, largely independently of each other. Very few threads are composed of posters who have read and choose to build on previous posters’ posts from start to finish. I don’t really think many posters actively seek to “pile on”; they just want to have their say. To not pile on would require self-censorship from hundreds of people. Most days, it would be a miracle if even one poster on one thread self-censors!

Some people are just complete and utter cunts.

I find the tone of the thread generally goes off the first few comments. If there are nice and kind replies first, the thread tends to stay that way. If the first posters are cunts, then more people pile onto the OP.

I think another angle is people writing about problems perceived to be 'elite' eg Should I make the Nanny wear purple and green striped pinafores? are perceived as trolls and responded to as such.

Other OPs may be genuine in the angst they feel about a decidedly first world problem eg increasingly expensive handmade Italian leather shoes. In those instances, empathy and support is unlikely to be gleaned from those awaiting an eviction, living in a homeless hostel, wracked with pain, being beaten regularly, or unable to feed themselves as well as their kids.

In summary, I think there are a lot of troll threads along with many tone deaf ones which result, naturally imo, in incredibly blunt responses.

I've been here since it was all fields and it definitely feels different.

I think a good lot of that is due to a general lack of empathy, brought on by the rise of social media (keyboard warriors/trolls) and covid etc.

It's not just social media. I'm in NZ so maybe it's different there but in the shops here there are always signs asking people to not abuse the staff. This was not a thing five years ago.

You are being unreasonable OP. Maybe the intentionally cruel posters are just stressed. And anyway, without knowing what you had for breakfast, the state of your sheets and your toilets, and your opinion on black holes, what do you expect posters to say? Don't drip feed!
:)

That's rather amusing in a way. Like, if you're the type to be giving abuse to staff, you'll see a sign and think, oh, I had better not 😂

I don't men are capable of some of the poisonous vitriol that flows so freely on MN tbh

Because we have a ton of MRAs on here and a lot of them aren't honest about being men. I don't know if the place has become less empathetic with their influx but it's certainly become a lot more whiney.

Oh, they absolutely are, I assure you. There are nasty women, definitely, but don't kid yourself that a man isn't capable of saying horrible things. This reminds me of the "men get on so much better than women" stuff...yeah, read a history book.

I agree OP. I once asked something on here, it wasn’t a great idea and I acknowledged I’d taken everyone’s advice and decided not to act on what was essentially a thought very early into the thread. but it was such a pile on and so many assumptions made about all aspects of my life (and my DC. )

Ah the irony of agreeing people are more nasty whilst calling people the C word....a word considered so offensive that MN is one of only few places where it can so freely be used as an insult and usually by people saying others are vile, horrible or otherwise

This.

Been here years and noticed it too.

If I search for a topic and open an old thread and the tone is friendly, kind and supportive, it's more often than not pre-2010.

AIBU is the absolute worst though. I think it's a shock to new posters when they come to a parents' site for advice and support and get awful, nasty replies. It shouldn't be that way.

However there are many areas of MN which are lovely and supportive.. I have found it a lifesaver over the years and still do.