The trend of putting the boot in to the OP

[ZippyPinkUser]

I’ve seen it here a lot more recently, there will be a post where you can tell someone is genuinely struggling and 95% will be decent well intentioned responses and then bam someone comes along and seemingly goes out of their way to be unkind to the Op.

anyone else here think they’ve been seeing that a lot more lately

I've been thinking this too recently. Some responses are almost so over the top, mean or just so off the mark that it's peculiar.

I agree mostly with you - except for the ''No need to advance search anyone unless they say ‘as per my previous thread' which I don't ALWAYS agree with you about ( although I mostly do agree)

I don't do it as a matter of course - usually not relevant - and I don't ever go looking for trolls on the off-chance either. But on the odd occasion a post 'rings bells' but worded from a different point of view and I will go and have a look to see if it is the same poster and refresh my mind. VERY occasionally, a poster makes a post which entirely contradicts their earlier post and depending on the circumstances, I might call them out on it. People post replies on here, generally in good faith and it is very irritating if the OP is making things up

@Silvers11 - how do you look up former posts? and is it possible to look up our own linearly?

yes I think this is a shrewd assessment - as is ‘people who interfere (making nasty uncalled for comments counts) in the lives of others, have little control in their own’ - I see this irl often, antagonists easily identifiable, best avoided

Germaine Greer called it wounding for sport

I had it myself the other day. Most posters were respectful of each other, getting their personal views across, (which is surely what Mumsnet is all about?) even though it was quite an emotive topic, but one person seemed determined to have a go at me, calling me "uneducated" amongst other things, there was a real nasty tone to their replies. They couldn't just state their opinion, they had to keep referring negatively to "OP". I immediately called them out on it, saying they quite obviously had it in for me and they didn't even reply, they stopped posting, typical bully behavior of backing down when challenged. I often wonder how these people behave in real life, how do they cope at work or at home if someone dares to have a different opinion to them, do they resort to insults then too? Although, part of me suspects they are only "brave" when hiding behind a keyboard!

Yes OP I absolutely agree with you. This place is horrible at times.

I especially dislike the posters who when an OP posts about something regarding the DC, the shitty replies along the lines of "Oh your poor DC, shame on you"...for something that's really really not a big deal.

And god forbid an OP tried to defend themselves. I've seen some vile comments telling OPs they deserve everything that's happening to them because of their 'attitude'.

We wouldn't tolerate someone berating us in real life, why should we tolerate it on here. Some people think if you can't take abuse, don't post looking for advice. Although those posters obviously don't call it abuse, they call it straight talking or other such nonsense like this from upthread.

If you post for advice on here you need to be ready for what's coming, it's not for the fainthearted

The posters don't just tell an OP they're wrong though do they? They call them stupid and other insults. Ususally " Are you jealous OP" or " You don't seem to like your SIL, neighbour blah blah"...the person causing the OP hurt or taking advantage whatever the case may be. Literally gaslighting people.

I think it’s been this way for a long time

Always someone will find some obscure angle which provides an excuse to rip into the OP

You know – OP has been cheated on by H with her sister, someone pipes up to demand she explain why she’s being so passive, is she cool with it that she’s now harming her kids by breaking up her family, why hasn’t she answered xyz questions yet – etc.

No
A lot the time they are just being told they are wrong
Sometimes the observations are valid as well because jealously or clearly not liking someone will change your view and not give you perspective

It's also not gaslighting to tell someone they don't like someone when they slag them off ffs

I have been reading on her for a while and some things women have said are scary,
And the two faceness on here is unreal.
MN will deactivate a netter with the click of a button but will leave it days for a bad post to come down.
And does nothing with the bullies.

@SOxon At the top of every page, Above where it says Start New Thread there is a line of options in thin blue writing. The last one says 'Advanced options. Click on it and then scroll down to the option to find and enter the poster's online name. Yes - you can check your own ones there too by putting your own user name in

Agree, OP. I've been on here since about 2018 and it always happened every now and again, but honestly it now feels like at least 40-50% of threads I open that contain some downright nasty comments than are clearly just there to hurt the OP.

There was a thread yesterday in whichit honestly seemed like the first 50 posters just wanted to repeatedly kick the OP until she was prostrate with shame and humiliation. It got pulled in the end and I am glad it was.

Germaine Greer called it wounding for sport

That is exactly how it comes across - I may steal that phrase on future threads

I always wonder if all the posts of "simply telling you how it is" would say it in real life, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't 🤔

Please stop being so condescending to me. I know when a poster deserves to be told they are being unreasonable and when a poster is being unfairly treated. I absolutely have seen posters being gaslit. I have seen posters being victim blamed and verbally abused on here. I am not mistaken. I've been here donkeys years. Why do you think posts get deleted on here?

Well, of course not. Presumably if they didn’t want the frankness and indeed potential rudeness of anonymous people on the internet, posters would simply ask their friends and family whether they’re having an emotional affair with Pete from Accounts or if they should call their baby Medusa- Mae.

I wonder if the new-ish Thanks button has anything to do with it. People say something controversial, get a few 'you've been thanked' notifications and feel validated being nasty, other posters thank nasty posts like mean girls quietly sniggering in the playground but never put their head above the parapet themselves so don't get banned, thus the cycle continues.

I'm not being condescending

You didn't say "sometimes people gaslight the poster".

You made it sound like anyone disagreeing or asking questions was gaslighting. Which minimises what gaslighting actually is

I've seen, and reported, some hugely vile posts. I never said they didn't exist. But just asking if the poster is jealous or saying they have a problem with the person so maybe that's clouding their judgement isn't gaslighting or nasty

Well no, that's the point.

If you want real life advice you can ask your partner or your mum or your friend. They'll give you advice but also likely tell you what you want to hear. Many of us aren't willing to blow up a friendship in order to be honest when our usually lovely, sensible friend is being a bit of a dick.

On here, people will absolutely tell you (with varying levels of politeness!) that you are in fact being a dick. That's kind of the point. If you want dispassionate advice from strangers with an outside perspective, then post online. It may well be very enlightening and useful, but you have to prepare for the fact that it also likely won't be kind or gentle.

If you want sympathy, real life is a much better bet than the internet.

It's not just the OP that gets bashed on here though is it, other folk regularly get bashed in the middle of threads for daring to have an opinion different to the one that they hold dear, refusing to agree to disagree & then there's the last word freaks, you the type that will sit up all night just in case because "someone is wrong on the internet"

Somehow, no matter what the issue is, it’s somehow OP’s fault.

Nah, I bet they're women. Some of the nastiest people I know are female.

I think it's mean but I don't think it's anything new.

Thanks dear

Didn't realise trying to have a discussion was being a freak but ok!