The trend of putting the boot in to the OP

[ZippyPinkUser]

I’ve seen it here a lot more recently, there will be a post where you can tell someone is genuinely struggling and 95% will be decent well intentioned responses and then bam someone comes along and seemingly goes out of their way to be unkind to the Op.

anyone else here think they’ve been seeing that a lot more lately

I've noticed it. I think on some threads the first page is vile and then the tide begins slowly to turn. If I were in charge, I'd ban that lot. Robust debate, ok, but there's just no need for that level of nasty. And it does so often happen when the OP is in crisis.

I could pretty much guarantee it’s nasty women.

See what you did there

Oh well apparently if the OP doesn't like the responses they can just get the thread deleted. On one this morning with lots of useful info and myths busted but because the OP wasn't happy about being judged for being judgy, it's gone poof.

That definitely didn't used to happen.

I also feel for posters when a thread gets taken over by people rowing amongst themselves. When an OP is clearly feeling fragile, posters start being argumentative with each other and the OP disappears.

If people have alternative perspectives to offer: great. Offer them. No need to start sneering at those who see it differently. “The xxxx brigade will be here in a minute”, “OP ignore the idiots telling you to do xyz” .

It’s rude and arsey.

An upset OP doesn’t want to be dragged into a bar room brawl with people proudly ‘calling each other out’. Ugh

Exactly. That’s what said, and the majority of the other replies I saw. It’s a supportive thread with people pointing out that the way she’s framing her own interventions suggests internalised misogyny and self-blame rather than recognising she had an incompetent partner, that she wasn’t the problem.

Similarly, in other threads sometimes the OP needs a brisk shake. There’s a current thread from an OP saying she wants to apply for a new job but is ‘too shy’. Initially ‘You go, girl!’ responses, until the OP’s responses revealed that it’s not a matter of ‘shyness’, it’s that she’s a self-congratulatory teetotal Christian who has never slept around or clubbed, but ‘kept herself decent’, and thus won’t be able for the sexual banter she imagines will be forthcoming from the ‘worldly men’ in the new workplace. Sympathy has ebbed.

I don't think it's changed - I've been here for a decade under various names and there have always been unpleasant posters who are quick to stick the boot in.

I actually think people are more likely to call out the nastiness these days. I've seen a lot of threads where someone has been unpleasant and a load of posters will jump on and say "hang on, stop being so nasty".

There was a thread on the doghouse yesterday where someone was needlessly sticking the boot in to the OP who was clearly really upset - and lots of people stood up and said "hang on, what are you playing at? Stop being so unpleasant".

They didn't appreciate being called out but the OP really did need people to stand up for her.

Totally agree with this.

I had a post on here recently and have been on and off MN for about 15 years and it does seem much nastier of late - just automatic passive aggressive put downs that contribute nothing. Lots of plain speaking advice though which is tough but necessary. It's a fine line between the two.

I suspect the troll types who post provocative unpleasantness are actually bots. There's no doubt that AI bots start threads here to provoke argument. You could spot them more easily before AI became slicker. When you think about it, the few spaces (either real or virtual) that are female-dominated and try to be cooperatve and mutually supportive must be a tremendous challenge for regimes that are working hard to sow binary thinking and dissent throughout the world. It's definitely pricklier here than it used to be and I wonder if that's why.

I've just read this thread - it's universally supportive of the OP.

I just noticed that

It's the same as a trend in
OP makes a post where they are clearly unreasonable
Posters proceed to explain why they are unreasonable, some also offering advice as how to best approach it
OP doubles down on why they are right actually
Posters continue to point out that they are unreasonable
OP comes back with "I'm a first time poster and I won't be back because its vile here"

I often think they are men trying to ruin mumsnet

The golden rule on here is that OP is ALWAYS wrong. This is why people write reverses. If somebody posted ‘I’m considering an affair with a married man’ the responses would be ‘you are a vile human being’, yet if somebody posts to complain about OW the responses are ‘don’t blame her, blame him, she’s technically done nothing wrong’.

YANBU. Some people are unhappy with their lives and themselves and therefore, cannot seem to help inflicting misery and unkindness onto others. You can be assertive without being unpleasant.

Yes, always been the same though. I honestly don't know how some posters sleep of a night. People seem to forget there is a real human being posting behind the threads and words are powerful.

It’s why I very very rarely post any threads anymore. You could post something about your finger hurting and there is a 90% chance that someone will pipe up with something snidey like, “What are you telling us for? We’re not doctors.”

Well, a lot of OPs are ‘wrong’, in the sense of misunderstanding something, or misinformed, pushing for a wildly unlikely interpretation of some minor event, taking needless offence, taking the blame for something visibly not their fault etc — surely their status as OPs doesn’t grant them immunity from the average quota of wrongness?

And I agree it’s always been the same. I’ve been here for well over 10 years now and it’s the same as it’s always been.

I was originally going to reply that kicking someone when they’re down has always been a thing on MN (or has for as long as I’ve been on here which is over a decade) but actually, the above specific example is something that has increased in recent years. I don’t think it’s CoL related, I think it’s the site being used more and more by some nasty, right wing types. The type that bang on about snowflakes and “liberals” being weak and shit.

Agree but some (a lot) of the responses are wildly over the top

A decade plus here. It was always forthright which was refreshing, but there always have been people who'll pounce on any thread ready to give a good kicking. Some usernames become familiar for it although they change around more than they did.

Definitely less humour; there was a weird phase quite a few years back where trigger warnings seemed to be needed to warn people that a thread was dangerously "light hearted" and it seemed to quench a lot of the lovely silliness that lifted the site. I've noticed more threads recently that I've felt a glow of it being a "proper MN thread" that lightly gambolled along with humourous irreverence.

The user368053257 glitch where new users couldn't personalise their names seemed to affect the sense of community, and data breeches. You can tell when there's a big election in the air. Plus the Brexit and Covid eras. Shudders.

Yes, definitely used to be more left wing and had less benefit bashing.

It’s not going to deter the hardcore wankers. But if they say that they always prosecute and may close the accounts (on signs in banks) of customers who are abusive to staff, then it may well make some people think twice about kicking off. And the signs serve as a reminder to everybody about the shite that people on retail and customer-facing service industries have to put up with.

There's been an increase in posters with a very male rights agenda of late I think, and they are always quick to kick at struggling women, because they enjoy it, or are scratching around for a reason the woman is to blame for the situation, and to frame any man in the scenario as the real victim. Often inflating a small misstep on the part of the OP to hide the abusive male behaviour she is seeking advice about.
Hopefully OPs see through these posts to the agenda behind them, and focuses on the moderate balanced responses.