DDs Classmate smashed a Window today - Would you expect the School to tell Parents?

[Lemonandlimez]

Damage was done on purpose during lesson, Classmate was angry / upset and purposefully kicked and smashed the Window. All class evacuated quickly to another room. Class Teacher spoke to them all as a group after and told them to tell their Parents about the incident. Would you expect the School to also contact us Parents or not? DD is 7.

I was head of an independent prep and if this happened by now I would have received half a dozen requests for a meeting tomorrow morning.

If it happened in my daughter’s class I would want to know what was in place to protect the children during outbursts.

It's weird that the kids were TOLD to tell the parents. No, I wouldn't expect to be told necessarily, unless my child was very upset about it or scared.

I see no reason why the parents should know? Except for the naughty boy's parents obviously?

This. My son is only 5 and he has outbursts. I can see this being him in a few years. He has never smashed a window but he has thrown things. He is not getting sufficient help, and I am trying EVERYTHING.

Or very dysregulated, struggling, distressed boy 🙈

What would you even put in an email/send an email about?
I wouldn’t expect school to tell you. I would only expect to hear from school about an other child’s behaviour if they had done something directly against my child or which resulted in them being hurt.

Personally I wouldn't expect to hear from the school- there's going to be children who exhibit more challenging behaviours, especially at that age where they may not yet have certain diagnoses and therefore more appropriate support in place. Unless it directly affected my child and was directed at my child then I wouldn't expect to be informed as that's for the school to follow up with that child's parent or guardian. I can't imagine getting lots of parents potentially riled up over something like that would be particularly helpful for anyone. Your school should have a behaviour policy in place and I would read through that and then assume that is being followed unless something directly affecting my child proved otherwise.

He will have had a genuine reason for what he did, most behaviours at this age are a form of commuinication/trauma/unmet need. But that doesn't lessen the negative impact on the other children.
As someone else said, we don't let children see violence on TV as they don't have the emotional maturity to process it. But they can witness violence in person and parents not be alerted to the fact that their child is likely to need extra emotional support. That's neglect!

People are saying that they would only expect to know if their child had been hurt. But hurt is not just physical, emotional trauma can be equally if not more damaging in the long term is not processed in an age appropriate way

Sodullincomparison
Children having outbursts is sadly quite common in the vast majority of schools. Children will see and hear or know about
Kids being violent towards staff
Kids swearing
Kids kicking doors and punching walls
Kids throwing things
Kids crying and shouting
Kids vandalising property

Kids refusing to move or leave classrooms
Kids hiding under tables or locking themselves in toilets

This doesn't mean that the school are not dealing with things. It is part and parcel of life in a mainstream state school.

Why have you decided the child is a boy?

Clearly it could be either but statistically it is more likely to be a boy (cf percentage of boys on SEND registers, percentage of EHCPs given to boys etc.).

@Bushmillsbabe but the emotional side of things was dealt with by the teacher who took the pupils aside and spoke to them as a group following the incident. Some parents I'm sure would have reacted appropriately but I'm also sure other parents wouldn't have acted appropriately as evidenced by this thread where the child has been labelled 'naughty' etc. So to my mind it's best dealt with by the teacher who has an understanding of the full context of what happened. I'd imagine that if any child was particularly distressed or continued to be particularly distressed then that would be followed up.

I opened this thread expecting to think you should leave it to the school to deal with.

But I'm not so sure. Incidents like this shouldn't be ignored. The child at the centre of it is likely not getting their needs met, and the others absolutely should not become inured to routine violence.

It is a shocking incident. It can be dealt with with empathy, but there must also be empathy for other children and staff.

It mustn't be ignored because if isn't OK.

It is when the child is 7 years old. I can see how ringing 30 parents is time consuming so perhaps a message on the school app "serious incident". My DS attends a school where there's lots of SEN kids and we have never had anything like this. I thought OP was talking high school kids!

It isn't a 7 year olds responsibility to liase!

Absolutely not. The children are 7! They may well have found the incident frightening and distressing and should be support both at home and school.

Yes, clearly it could be either.

Just weird a few people have assumed that's all.

Depends on the school. DC at v middle class primary and they informed all parents when a child threw something. I work in deprived area and I don't think our school would inform a parents unless their own child was hurt.

If you were at work, and one of your colleagues got in a rage and smashed a window, and you knew that person was going to still be in your office the next day, and you might end up sat on a desk next to that person in the future, and there was nothing you could do about it - you couldn't see HR about it, or talk to your manager because you'd be told it wasn't any of your business, you would be handing in your notice by the end of the fucking day.

We expect children - small children still young enough to believe in Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny ffs - to simply deal with this kind of thing and not even have the support of their parents to do so because apparently the parents don't need to know, they can just deal with it on their own.

Utterly shameful.

And yes, if a child was witnessing this level of violence in the home it would be classed as abuse by most MN posters. But because it's in a classroom it's fine? Bullshit.

Well the reason is so that they are aware of the violent outburst their child witnessed and may be very upset by. So they can, you know, parent them effectively without being in the dark.

it’s astonishing people on this thread wouldn't have an issue with not being informed their 7yo had witnessed this.

No I wouldn’t expect to, not unless my child was actually involved or harmed.

@Notquitefinishe @TwattyMcFuckFace FYI - It was actually a Girl.

my db is a teacher who left a school due to appalling behaviour, including a child seriously assaulting him in a temper

Girls can be viscous. In my case was also a girl. A different girl tried to attack another student with hair straighteners (plugged in) on a residential. Another 2 went for another girl with hockey sticks, straightener girl had a prior for trying to use a netball post like a battering ram to break down a door.

I’m wondering why in the hell does a school not have safety glass at kicking level? The only glass a 7 year old could kick through is plate glass. Schools are required to follow U.K. safety glass regulations.

The school may not be contacting you because they would rather not have the conversation.

The easiest way of finding out is if there is a safety mark on the pane of glass. The manufacturer’s logo and name should be on the glass, with a reference to a relevant product standard. For toughened glass, this is BS EN 12150, and for laminated glass, this is BS EN 14449. If you can see this on the pane, then you know that it is made using safety glass.

If it was something the school wanted the parents to know about eg to support any children that may have been frightened, I would have expected them to notify the parents themselves, rather than through a 7 year old.

Even the most honest of children may not give the best version of what happened when telling a parent so that they find out what they need to know. Things the parent doesn't need to know will be left out and a child may go into great detail about something not relevant.
If it happened late in the day so no email could be sent by the time the children were leaving, and they were late out, then I can understand that the children were told to say why they were late, but a brief email to explain basic info, that no one was hurt, and what to do if a child was upset by it may settle any concern and save multiple emails/parents asking what happened.