DDs Classmate smashed a Window today - Would you expect the School to tell Parents?

[Lemonandlimez]

Damage was done on purpose during lesson, Classmate was angry / upset and purposefully kicked and smashed the Window. All class evacuated quickly to another room. Class Teacher spoke to them all as a group after and told them to tell their Parents about the incident. Would you expect the School to also contact us Parents or not? DD is 7.

Ps I hope your daughter is OK, I understand that this must have been really upsetting. Unfortunately things like this are increasingly normal in schools now as a result of severe lack of funding and lack of special school placements.

I’ve never been contacted about incidents like that and I think that’s fine . I would only expect to hear if my child was hurt in the chaos.

A local school had students setting off fireworks on their field during lunch break (the very same day they had done the Firework Safety video). Parents weren't told.

If the school wanted to inform parents they would most likely send out a letter rather than a text or email. The admin behind sending school wide letters is time consuming as it takes a ridiculous amount of time to stuff envelopes so if they did inform you I would expect the letter in a day or two.

Older as it was secondary but we had a fair few "incidents" at school which AFAIK were never reported to parents back when I was at school

Had a couple of incidents in primary too actually... Mum never mentioned them so either they never said or she just left it to see if I'd say anything

What level of aggression/violence would there need to be for you to feel that informing the parents was appropriate?

Screaming at teacher?
Upturned tables and chairs?
lashing out and hitting a pupil accidentally?
Hitting a pupil deliberately? With a fist? With a weapon?
hitting teacher a weapon?
What about if a pupil uses their Judo skills to put the thug on the floor?

it is actually shocking that schools have become inured to this level of violence and still think that they are capable of keeping children safe.

@OligoN all of those apart from attack with a weapon are run of the mill events in lots of schools and happen every day.

I would expect them to tell the parents of the child who broke the window. Not sure why they would tell the other parents?

What the teacher meant is that they are all fed up of the consequences of the child's behaviour but can't do anything about it unless parents start to complain. At which point they might be able to start the application for extra funding/EHCP/1:1 for that child, or getting SLT to take it seriously. Getting your child to tell you about it is getting that message across the long way round.

We once got an email alluding to an “incident” that had taken place in the classroom, just in case any child was upset, but the email didn’t state what had happened (slightly alarming email to get in the middle of the working day, but ok).

parents were unimpressed tbh. All it led to was speculation and then everyone talking in the group chats etc about the behaviour of the little boy at the centre of it. If they’d said nothing, no one would have been discussing it.

I probably would expect some brief communication from school, just so parents get accurate account of the incident, rather than the creative version they might get from a child. I would if course not expect them to name the child who did it, although your child will probably tell you. It was probably quite scary for all the children, so it would help parents to support their child through any emotional consequences of the incident. They are not obligated to tell you, but it would be helpful I think.

When a child in my daughters school set the fire alarm off in the school, they emailed us to inform us what has hapenned.

What?

If fists are being thrown basically daily then schools are utterly failing those children exposing them to that level of violence whilst supposedly acting in loco parentis.

Exactly. Yes it's not great but teacher have enough crap to do without sending out a memo every time one of those things happens in class.

Definitely get in touch with SLT. Nothing much is going to change unless the parents express concern otherwise its just another day in the classroom.

I'm a teacher and a sendco with children if a similar age to yours. I'd expect an email/parent mail stating there was an incident which has been dealt with in school and that the child in question has been supported. To reiterate that there are policies and procedures and these were followed and XYZ will be put in place to further safeguard all involved.

There have been a number of incidents in my son's class, where one particular child has caused damage to property (the most recent saw him throw paint all over the book corner, ruining a number of books and making the area inaccessible to the children for a while). We were not notified. I trust that the reason is because my child was safe, despite the commotion.

I work in a school; children who have these moments are quite common, it seems, but we don't send home notifications unless another child was injured (which, with children in crisis, has thankfully never occurred).

Also my daughter’s class in P1 was evacuated so often that she stopped telling me about it in the end. It just didn’t phase her any more.

It's not nice and far from something every child will see but I'm surprised you're surprised. It's no secret there is a massive shortage of special school places, a massive lack of school funding for extra staff and a massive lack of early intervention work happening. Pretty much every mainstream school across the country will have children who are capable of smashing a window.

Also, I often advise the children I teach to discuss things with their parents if they want to. I want to make it clear all communication lines are open and don't want them to bottle things inside if they are worried.

@OligoN yes, and teachers often get hit in the cross fire, I was accidently punched several times splitting up fights and at secondary with students much bigger than me. Technically you aren't meant to put yourself in danger and meant to wait for staff trained in restraint but I couldn't let students be beaten up in front of me.

This could have been my child. At that age he flipped a table in the classroom and I could absolutely imagine him breaking a window in this scenario. But we were crying out for support from school, while school denied there was a problem. They wouldn't even let me speak to the SENCO. Anyway, I would have been beyond mortified if all the parents had been told and were judging us too.

I think this is how it should be handled. But in my experience the school will say nothing, and I wouldn't email the school either. As long as my DC felt safe returning g to school I would be happy the school had dealt with the situation appropriately. However, if my DC was at all wobbly I'd raise the issue so school could help them. I would expect a very open conversation if my DC was at all unsettled.

No one was injured.
The children were removed safely.
You do know about it.
How would you feel if it was your child? Would you be OK with the school sending a letter about what your child had done to a whole class's parents?
Have a bit of compassion.

Schools are discouraged from suspending and expelling students (OFSTED pressure). There’s no special school or PRU places for pupils with consistent bad behaviour so they are “stuck” at schools that can’t deal with the pupil. Waiting lists for diagnosis are years long and social services are overworked so investigating possible family issues doesn’t happen.

I think most parents would be surprised unless they have experience in SEN or it has hapenned before. No parent sends their child to school thinking 'my child is going to witness a child smashing a window in today'. Just as I didnt expect my child to go to school and get hit, punched and head smashed into a table by a child with SEN.

This is in no way blaming the child with additional needs or the school who tried their best. But every child has a right to feel safe at school, and the impact of these incidents on the children without SEN is so often underestimated/ignored as its seen to be ableist as 'the child can't help it'. I know they can't (I work in a SEN school) but that doesn't mean it doesn't flipping hurt when my daughter was hit every day. Or it wasn't really scary to see classmate smash a window. These children are probably witnessing violent outbursts on a daily basis and it's really harmful as they come to normalise violence as part of their day to day life. If a child was witnessing violence at home they would likely be removed due to the risk of psychological harm. But they witness or experience violence at school and somehow thats fine and parents dont need to be informed. It's crazy!

Primary yes, secondary no.

My children (5 & 9) would both be really shaken by witnessing that level of violence and I would want to know so that I could reassure them about it.

At secondary I wouldn't expect to be told because a) shit kicks off too often to be sending emails home about every incident, b) kids will be older and more resilient.

No I wouldn't expect to be told. What would the purpose be? Its the teacher's job to manage the situation. The last thing they need after a difficult day is hassle from parents.