To ask you why you had children?

[fluffyjacketpotato]

What made you think you'd be a good parent?
And what made you want to have a child?

My first was an accident but I knew as soon as I found out that I would give them everything I never had.

Had quite a crappy childhood, so I think that was my main motivation, to be able to give a child the life and love they deserve.

Biology/innate drive. There's no rational reason!

Pure curiosity. I hadn’t planned to, and at 39 I thought it might be interesting, if I was still capable of conceiving. It has been interesting.

Yeah, this ^^

My first was also an accident and to say I panicked was an understatement. The maternal line in my family isn't very maternal, and I was pretty certain I'd ruined this kids life before it was even born just by it having me as a mother. But somehow within a few weeks I started to feel more zen about it, and marvel at what my body was achieving.

Have had loads of therapy to try and combat my shit natural instincts as a parent and make me better at it. I still lose my mind sometimes but it's been a very healing journey and the making of me tbh. I don't think I'd have done it if it wasn't already past the point of return when I found out. But I'm glad I did.

Biological clock went nuts at 29/30. I was indifferent before then. Assumed I would have kids at some point but in no rush. The instinct became overwhelming. I don’t even like babies and I became obsessed with them. My brain didn’t stand a chance. I had been married for several years and we had our own house so it was about time.

I always wanted to have children. I like children.

I had a good childhood and didn't have any worries that I'd be a bad parent. I didn't particularly think about whether I would be a good one, though I suppose I probably did that classic thing of judging other people before I had my own kids, so I clearly thought I would be better than them!

I worked in close quarters with a foreign couple for a while. They had a 10 year old son and it united them in a way I've never seen in couples without children and it was beautiful.

At that point I was 30, divorced and had never wanted children, but it totally changed my perspective

It was an overwhelming feeling of something being missing with my 1st. To the point where I couldn't see what me and DH were working for if we didn't have children. Nothing rational about it.

The 2nd one (currently pregnant) was a very much talked about, pros and cons list type of discussion for years. Even then it boiled down to, I feel like I'm not finished.

I don't think I ever considered whether I'd be a good parent! It didn't really occur to me. We just wing it the majority of the time. She's doing alright.

I saw it as a cop out to life, I had undiagnosed ADHD and autism and learning disabilities and really struggled in the work place.
I was quite suicidal before I met my husband.
I had my first in my teens and my last in my 40s.
I didn't see any other way out so I became a sahm.
I've never been on benefits because my husband works.
I love being a mum, it's given me a purpose in a world I didn't fit.

I thought it would be fun to have some little people around and watch them grow up and develop. And I wanted to have that parent-child relationship and to grow my family. Its been amazing so far, although of course its also tiring and I get stressed out by the mental load etc. But wouldn't change them for anything.

Accidental pregnancy

I wanted to, I guess innate biological drive. I wanted my baby in my arms.

I knew I'd be a good mum becuase I cared about being a good mum, I knew I would always do my best and I try really hard to be a good mum.

Undeniable biological urge. Never felt anything so strong.

This awesomeness couldn't be contained

I didn't think I wanted dc and nor did dh, but a couple of years ago he had second thoughts and I had a panic that I was approaching 40 and it was now or never so we decided to go for it.
I told myself you only regret the things you don't do in life.
It didn't happen at first, I spent a year or more peeing on sticks and finally started to think it was never meant to be anyway and came to terms with that.

Now I'm pregnant and I think reality has hit me, have I done this for the right reasons?
Can a non maternal mother suddenly be a wonderful mum?
Was it just a last chance panic?
To make things worse dh is thrilled and has enthusiastically bought everything a baby will need until he's at least 5 and built all his furniture.

He has no idea I'm having a wobble, it's been such a roller coaster of emotions from not wanting to, to trying and trying and getting nowhere to coming to terms with that to being pregnant.
A good mum surely wouldn't be doubting if they can be a good mum?
Some days I feel exited especially when I feel him move but then I look in the mirror and think you aren't mother material.

I never wanted any, until at 40 I suddenly did. Fortunately I was able to have 1 at 41.

It was inexplicable really.

I wanted children, partly because I wanted to be a mum but also a big part of it was FOMO, all my friends and relatives were having babies and I felt left behind/left out. In the event I wasn’t able to have any. Totally at peace with it now, life is good.

Sounds a bit like depression, I'd speak to the midwife about how you're feeling.

I was adamant I never wanted any right up until late 20s and then it just hit me. Uncontrollable urge to have my own baby. I wanted to be a good mum and give a baby/child a childhood I never had. It was the best decision iv ever made. I have 2 children now and they have made me the best version of myself and I'm so proud to be their mum and watch them grow up into the ppl they are.
Sorry waffled on there! I'm sure you will be a great mum, everyone has worries and doubts especially something so big as bringing another human in the world. Enjoy your pregnancy, congratulations.

@fluffyjacketpotato If I can do it then you can. I am not maternal and small children give me heebie jeebies but when it is your own the be assured that biology kicks in. I'd never even held a baby until DS1 turned up. He is nearing his 30s now and I think we did a pretty good job with both of ours. Don't be taken in by the insta everything is shiny and wonderful view of motherhood and that you should be wafting around baking endlessly and having perfect children. A friend said to me 'it is the best of times and the worst of times' and that is very true.

We are all different. Some people have a rush of love from the minute baby arrives for others it is more muted and then kicks in a bit later. What I would say is that there is no love like it and you will become a lioness. It is great your partner is so enthusiastic- build on that. Child father bonding is essential via trips, taking them out, camping trips when older, all the learning to drive crap. This all saves your sanity.

I bottle fed for a variety of reasons but mainly because I hated, loathed and abominated bf and it didn't make me a good mum. You do YOU and don't be anhiliated or beholden by the perceived social norms of 'good '. Motherhood. Above all things, talk and read to your child and incite their imaginations. That is far better parenting than putting them in smart clothes or every club going from teeny.

I went back to work full time (don't think my mother ever recovered from that one) it didn't make me less maternal but it did save my sanity and my coffers. Good luck. You will be brilliant as will your husband.

I didn't want children, I was 100% certain about it until just over 2 years ago (I was 39) my mum wasn't maternal, I didn't think I had a maternal bone in my body. I gave birth 4 months ago and I can honestly tell you so far it is the best thing I have ever done, and I am so maternal, I will protect my gorgeous boy with everything I have. God help anyone that ever tries to hurt him.

I always wanted kids. I wanted a family to love and look after. Nothing makes me happier than seeing kids running around on a playground together or a big house full of noise and chaos. I basically knew from experience with kids in my own family that I could be a good parent. That was it really.

My first was an accident. Before that I had zero desire to become a mother. I was very worried about what kind of mother I would be and if I was capable of being a mother. My own mother was no way maternal or nurturing.
A wiser woman than me told me the fact that I was worried about this showed already how much I cared about the baby and wanted the best for them.

You won’t be the ‘perfect’ mother, none of us are but children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who love them and are ‘good enough’.

Sometimes when a partner is overly enthusiastic and positive about a big joint decision it can cause the other partner to balance those emotions with the practicalities/downsides/potential obstacles. It might be worth having a proper chat with your DH about the challenges of parenthood. Perhaps you could watch something like The Letdown on Netflix together to kick off some talking points? It's hard when you're pregnant with your first child and you don't know what to expect.

Most people have worried about being a good parent at some point. It doesn't mean you won't be! It means you give a shit.