To ask you why you had children?

[fluffyjacketpotato]

What made you think you'd be a good parent?
And what made you want to have a child?

I love my husband and want a family with him. I'm 39 yrs old and due to give birth in 2 weeks.

The fact you are worried about being a good mum shows you probably will be - if that makes sense! 😊

I really wasn't a maternal person but when I had my own baby it just came so naturally to me to love and protect this little thing with my every fibre. I still don't like other people's kids 🤣

Unplanned pregnancy at 18 one and done. (I had the coil fitted at the time)
Hes 20 now and im free.

I always wanted children I'd babysit and play with babies whenever I got the chance. It never occurred to me not to marry and have children. They were both accidents though 😂

I always had an overwhelming maternal instinct. Even as a child I used to dream about being a mother. Pre-kids I used to mother my friends. I just couldn't help myself! I really needed to have children so I had somewhere to channel that mothering instinct. I knew I'd be a good mother in the sense I'd be very loving and attentive. I'd let them know how loved they were each day. Now I am a mum I feel I'm a little too soft at times but generally doing a good job.

I wanted to be a mummy from a very young age. It’s just something I have always wanted. I am very maternal, I love children. I honestly think I would have been devastated if I couldn’t have kids. Even when dating at a young age I was open, if the guy had no intention or interest in kids I wasn’t going to date them it’s a non negotiable for me.

I just sort of fancied them but I didn’t have a huge urge particularly and we were very much done at 2. I didn’t enjoy the baby / toddler years looking back but I was a good mum then and we were a very happy family. Now they’re older (8 and 11) i absolutely adore everything about parenting. I’m not massively maternal (although I do like children), but I’m very maternal with my own and they make life more fun, exciting and just better in every way. I genuinely love spending time with them and the hard bits are really few and far between!

I wouldn’t worry OP, I’m not maternal at all really. I don’t have the energy for most kids, only my own!

I wanted to give a child the life I didn’t have as a child. Dad abandoned us in early years, Mum was pretty absent, my siblings and I were raised mostly by my grandparents. I tell DD I love her several times a day, she is always shown affection and told how much I love her and how proud I am of her. That’s something I never got as a child. I only have the one but I wouldn’t change it.

I just don't know what it's like to not want children or to be undecided about having children. I would have been utterly heartbroken not to have children. BUT I'm slow to warm up, I know this about myself and I knew I'd be the same with my children and not to panic and I'd love them if I was just a little bit patient.

Well I had mine in my twenties I was married and I just seen it as a stage of moving forward with life or I would be getting to the point of my family getting older being dead or dying , it sounds a bit miserable .
Of course I seen as being a good parent there was so much to look forward to doing with a new family , or life would be bleak .

Now I'm pregnant and I think reality has hit me, have I done this for the right reasons?

Always wanted kids and DH was of same mind - yet first pg was thinking this and had huge doubts.

Looking back the messaging round me was very negative to mothers - from friends who didn't want any - fair enough and totally valid choice but me having them wasn't acceptable somehow - to ones who though we were too young very late 20s early 30s - from a vocal family member who hated motherhood - my life was over was said few times.

In actually it's been great - not without work and challenges and did cause huge changes to my lifestyle. I think also it's an irrevocable step you can't easily go back on it's not uncommon to think what have I done.

Oh please stop with the mummy smugness and faux naivety.

Nobody said there’s anything “wrong” with having a child bringing a couple together. People are challenging the idea that it’s the most/greatest/never seen elsewhere way as there are plenty of things that bring couples very close and an enormous amount of relationships are made way worse or ended by having children.

parenthood is one of those things that you cannot truly understand until or if you become one.

What a horrible thing to say, especially when it’s aimed at a poster who couldn’t have children. Really vile.

OP, for me it’s just something innate that I know and want and I’ve spent the last 5 years building the foundations to have a child (career, great marriage, family home). It hasn’t happened for us yet unfortunately but I’m absolutely praying it will.

I knew 100% I wanted to be a mum and wanted my children before 30 - I had 2 and they are the light of my life.

I try very consciously to be a good mum, in particular to give lots of encouragement and to be caring. I want them to have a better childhood and relationship with me than I experienced. My job also impacts how I parent and how I try to be child led to a degree. I say 'yes' when I can, so when I say 'no' they accept it and know I mean it for example.

I don't get it right all the time, I'm tired and sometimes depressed but I try.

Same here.
I didn't know if we were going to make good parents or not with the first as unfortunately babies don't come with instructions ( or an off button ) but we muddled through somehow.

I got to thirty and my hormones took over. I did always want kids though. I was very happily done after DC2 arrived. I'm glad I had them. I'm a better person because of them. Still not a great person, just less shit than I was before.

Why would you come onto a thread about why people go on to have children simply to police the language and reasonings people employ to frame their decision? I don't see why a person cannot state plainly and truthfully the answer to the question without having to dance around the feelings other people might have about that reasoning?

Yes, someone might find it hurtful or even just annoying that a poster might believe that they have ascended up some kind of love hierarchy in having a child but, if that is what they believe, I don't see how it is any business of anybody else to tell them that they should express it differently.

@fluffyjacketpotato I originally agreed to have children because it became really important to my DH also not that maternal and struggled to keep a house plant alive!
Your wobbles are completely normal! I would also say its also normal not to instantly fall in love 1 minute after giving birth!

The fact that you care about how you will be already shows your a good parent.
It's not easy and honestly the first 6 weeks I was wanting to run out the door and back to work. But I absolutely adore my children, they have made me a better person and honestly seeing things through their eyes has given me a new found view of things. Just how excited they get with simple things.

Keep talking but also to your midwife if anxiety is increasing too much etc.

Adding children to families does re-energise families . I was a late baby to the youngest son and the family were all getting on , the family get togethers got a bit samey and had an old folk home vibe to it . That is until a few of us decided we had had enough and decided to shake things up a bit . Staying in the past with just people getting older is a bit dull .

Why are you taking someone’s personal experience as a general criticism or comment? Do you like to look for offence where there is none?

Obsession with having them and overwhelming desire to have a babe. Made me sob! Forced myself to wait until nearly 30 and everything was stable.

Natural step from falling in love and marriage. Life was full of uncertainty but the decision to have a child together was almost a given.

I have never been particularly maternal and couldn’t picture myself with children at all.

Then I met DH.

He wanted children and was open about that, and I realised that it was something I was keen on as well. I knew he’d be a good father and that we could offer a happy home to a baby, so we went for it. I was terrified deep down but equally felt completely ready. It was more fear of the unknown of whether I’d be a good mum I think.

We’ve now got a 3 year old who I absolutely adore, he’s so much fun and I see a lot of myself in him. DH is keen for another but I don’t have any of those broody feelings any more, I feel very much done and thankful for the child we have. He’s enough for me!

because this poster and a couple of others have come on this thread just to look for an argument.

I thought about being 60 years old.

Option 1. No kids
Option 2. Kids

Decided Option 1 looked grim so went for Option 2.

If you are talking about me, the OP contains the question “what made you want to have a child?” I don’t think that the fact I couldn’t have them makes me unqualified to answer that question, that was why I initially posted.