To ask you why you had children?

[fluffyjacketpotato]

What made you think you'd be a good parent?
And what made you want to have a child?

You think couple without children cannot be 'united'?
That is wrong on a number of levels

I never said that. Please reread my post

You certainly managed to imply you thought that. Would you care to explain what you actually meant?

I was sure my husband would be a decent parent. I like children. So we have 3. And very are a joy to parent

I envy people who got the urge. I never had it and I don't wish I had kids but I worry a lot that one day I'll wish I did 🤣

Simpler to just be moved by the chromosomal urge!

I didnt have any children i knew from an early age it was not something I'd want.
I have been asked you might regret not having them in the long run.
But no i would regret having children i just dont have than mum instinct thing what ever it is.
And some people dont understand it.
I look at little ones i dont think oohhh so cute i want one i think thank god its not mine.
I can't keep a plastic house plant alive so what would my parenting skills be like😆.

It is much easier for the non birthing partner to get excited with having a baby- they don't have to go though pregnancy and birth, it's not their body they changes, they won't lose out financially, career wise and pension wise!

Why did I have children? Because I think it's the best adventure in the world to have children and be able to care for them, be a teacher and then a guide and introduce them to this world that is rich with loads of amazing things, like love and beauty. Tdlr ...I expect I'm full hippy under this conventional exterior.

I never doubted that I'd be good at it. I expect it's baked in.

I suddenly started thinking babies were adorable and smelled amazing and had an inexplicable drive to have one of my own.

I assumed I’d be a mother similar to Julie Andrews in the sound of music or maybe Mary Poppins. I pictured a family life in sepia tones.

My big babies are adorable but you have to squint to see now with the stroppy preteen! I was way off with the rest.

Thought I'd probably be fine at it, but never really wanted to.

About 4 years of hormones around 36-40 got me thinking more about it, but since I could basically identify "No, it's just the hormones", I didn't make a decision based on that.
Turns out I apparently can't get pregnant anyway, so just as well really.

The fact you're worrying about being a good mum, in my experience, typically means you're going to be amazing. The fact you care enough to worry - and post - shows that.

Absolutely normal also for a mum to worry about being a good mum when pregnant - I'm currently stressing about our decision to have a second and our ability to cope/the impact on our first. Pregnancy doesnt hit dads in the same way, sit with your feelings and process them. And be thrilled your other half is showing so keen and committed already.

Sounds like kiddo to come has two amazing parents, who are ready to mindfully do their best 🩷 baby doesnt need anymore than that 🩷

I wanted to have a child and as corny as it sounds it makes me want to be a better person to look after her. I wasn’t overly maternal beforehand but I felt love and a bond to her and she is the best thing that ever happened to us. I am not perfect but I try my best and it seems to work.

Biological imperative. I've wanted kids ever since I can remember and still love being with young relatives.

This, I have wanted my own children since I can remember. I love children.

Simply biological drive and longing to be a mum. As soon as I got married it was like a flick switched. Purely biological. First baby late 20s.

Ffs.

I got pg at 22 and although I knew it wouldn’t be easy, I didn’t feel that I could have an abortion. If I could go back in time I probably would make a different decision there.

I didn’t get that from the post.

However, having children with someone is a monumental and life changing event. May I ask what’s so wrong with that being something that if it’s right brings two people together in a way no other thing can?

parenthood is one of those things that you cannot truly understand until or if you become one. With that in mind if a child is born into a healthy respectful and truly loving partnership what the poster described is surely a possible outcome?

Pregnancy is challenging, the hormones can make things feel more intense. Don't feel bad if you're feeling scared or unsure. It's a big change to have kids.
I just always wanted to have a family, I didn't have a motherly instinct and I'm still not good with any child except my own as it doesn't come naturally to me. But it's different with my kid, it's just about her needs and it's easy, we learn together slowly.
Nobody knows exactly what to do, it just comes over time with trial and error.

Biological imperative.

After that, it was that my child was so ace I wanted more amazing people like him
in my life, so we ended up with three.

A good mum surely wouldn't be doubting if they can be a good mum?

Quite the opposite in my experience, OP.

The ones who bulldozed their way through without self reflection or thought weren’t nearly as good as those who thought about whether they were doing it ok, and engaged in it.

I had no idea whether I’d be a good mum. I wanted to be, and I have tried my best. I have made a LOT of mistakes and done loads wrong. But I’ve also done loads right, and I’ve stepped back to think about what we’re doing and why, changed course when we were getting it wrong.

Mine are young adults now, and I can honestly say I am in awe of the interesting, remarkable and lovely people they have grown up to be.

I wish you as much joy in your child as mine have brought me.

Because I thought I was supposed to.

After my one, I was done!

I always knew I wanted children since I was a teenager. DH was the same. We both enjoyed spending time with other people’s children and felt the biological urge to continue the human race. Accidentally pregnant at 19 which was terrifying but, when we came around to it, we were both so in love with her. DD2 was planned and I was still terrified when I found out I was pregnant. DS was another surprise with yet more fear at the thought of a third child. He’s 5 weeks now and we’re all so in love. I think fear is normal.

I like to think we’re good parents on the whole. I know there are things we could do better but our children know they are loved, they’re looked after to the best of our abilities and we prioritise their needs over ours.

If you’re worried about being a good parent, the chances are you are one. Shit parents don’t care.

I wanted to raise a child, it's as simple as that. I wanted all the positive and fun things that being a parent brings and the negative things don't outweigh that.

I knew I'd be a good parent because I can offer a stable home, emotionally and financially. I believe I'm a good person and can balance fun and giving them exciting opportunities with keeping them in line to become a decent member of society.

FOMO pretty much!

Got pregnant accidentally while on antibiotics. Panicked. Was married with our own house, great jobs we both enjoyed, great social life, weekends away. No plans at any stage to have children. Had a great childhood with a fantastic extended family but just never had any maternal urges or feelings. Had a rough pregnancy with hyperemisis. Didn't bloom. Husband and family excited. Had DD ( now 28) . Didn't feel a rush of love. That took a long time to come. I coped very well but she was an easy baby. Had good help. Slowly I fell in love with her. That's perfectly natural too. Second DD was so different. Sailed through pregnancy, 15 min labour and an initial rush of love. There is no such thing as a perfect mother or a perfect child. Just do your best, try to relax and enjoy your baby