It's a Plane Etiquette one!! Was I AIBU?

[Belladonna90]

Night flight back from the US.
Cabin crew do meal service at around 4am (UK time) around 11pm (US). I'm hoping not to go to bed when I land (so can beat the jet lag and not stay in US time!). In economy class and have the blanket over my head so I can sleep (need the 'room' to be as dark as possible'). I had my seat reclined in the belief that chicken or beef would not be served at this time. How wrong I was! Cabin Crew passes me with meal trolley (happily doesn't disturb me to ask whether I want a meal...at that time absolutely not!). However, when she is asking the passenger behind me she reclines my seat back up which startled the life out of me as I was jostled back up!! I was so annoyed as I was fast asleep. I can understand for a safety related issue if she needed to do that for example for landing but for a service related issue it seemed completely rude of her. Was I wrong to challenge her and ask why she did that?? She told me for service all seats must be in the upright position....

Yes, I did think of that but I was half asleep!

Totally agree which is why when I'm flying I don't eat at all on board. Really they should segregate us from such ghastly people.

I'm with you OP. What a ridiculous time to serve a meal. They could have at least announced at the start of the flight that they'd be doing it.

I think reclining chairs on flights should be banned. They will always inconvenience someone and cause arguments. They only recline a tiny bit so don't even aid sleep that much.

@Cailin66 Ha ha! As soon as I realised American Airlines staff were pretty generous with the free pour wine I was in there.

I was cabin crew for over a decade. I would guess the crew member would have asked you to raise your seat back and you may have not heard or they thought it was the lesser of two evils to do it for you. Leaning over another passenger possibly two and putting your hand down between the armrest and a person's leg (assuming this is where the recline button is in economy) while the other passengers are possibly eating and drinking isn't something I would personally do lightly. I would have either wake you up or asked your husband to do it.

YABVU in challenging a crew member. Cabin Crew are there primarily for safety and should be complied with. Many times dealing with passengers can be akin to dealing with small children. People travelling can be stressed, tired and only concerned with themselves. Getting the outcome you need with the least amount of aggrevation is a skill.

Imagine what you looked like to the crew member. A grown adult with a blanket over their head.

To the poster who thinks all female BA crew treat her differently/ badly because she's a woman in business class. I would like to tell you that this is true and there is a picture of you on every crew room wall in every base and your name is flagged on the manifest but unfortunately it isn't. Why do you think they would do this? Is it your beauty, intelligence, finances or business prowess? You may perceive it as bad treatment but it could be that they're just doing the minimum required to deal with you if your opinions show. We are trained to judge passengers but not on their socio-economic status, on how likely they are to be of help in an emergency.

Cabin crew are mostly very sociable people and want a easy flight, most enjoy talking to passengers and I can't think of a time a crew member has deliberately antagonised a passenger (unless upgrading another pax to resolve a situation of their doing like in the example a pp has given earlier).

I do think it’s unusual to serve food this late on a US-UK flight to be fair. It’s normally pretty quick after you take off so if people need to sleep they can. I would have waited (and been annoyed) as they do serve food. I would have tried to nap upright then reclined once food had been cleared.

But mainly airlines fault for serving so late. It is difficult to eat though when seat in front is reclined. I had no idea you could force someone’s seat up! I thought they would have to do it.

90% of seats are reclined after meals on overnight flights, but ok, they’re all dicks 🙄

Make sure to pack a hair shirt for your next flight.

@backinthebox is correct with everything they posted and worded much better than I did!

Given the input from cabin crew on here I think OP may be mistaken with her timings on the meal being served a whole three hours into the flight. I've done JFK to London many times on BA and don't recall such a gap.

I never understand why people are difficult on flights. I find the best way is to behave like a small obedient child at an important family occasion. Follow instructions, say please and thank you, accept what you are given and sit nicely.

Flying isn't great, so mentally I find it is best to make peace with the fact someone else is in control of your life for the next few hours, no point in kicking against it.

@exomoon I stand by my view. They are dicks, especially if they do not check with the person behind them before reclining.

In premium economy on a night time 6 hour flight recently, Cabin Crew didn't disturb someone who was reclined and sleeping when they served a meal to the person behind them. (I didn't eat and neither did my front/rear neighbours).
Couldn't the person behind have reclined their seat too, to gain the extra room? Yes it's more comfortable to be upright to eat but if you've paid for the seat doesn't that include all the space it comes with, including the recline? I totally get where you are coming from on wanting to sleep to counter the jet lag.
I've flown a lot and have never seen someone disturbed while sleeping during service. This thread is a bit of an eye opener.
I would get yourself a good eye mask.

Why would someone ask the person behind if it’s ok to recline outside of meal times?

If they say no, then you have to be uncomfortable for the rest of the night.

I think it’s unreasonable to recline on short flights but reclining on long haul is part of the service.

Strange time to serve a full meal.

YABU. How did you expect the person behind you to eat their meal comfortably?

Yes, particularly because if there's turbulence and you don't have your seatbelt on the outside of your blanket so the cabin crew can see it, they will wake you up to check.

Eye-mask and wax earplugs or white noise in earphones for me every time.

I only drink Châteauneuf-du-pape myself. Grand Cru naturally. The American's don't know how to make wine or serve it properly so I try and avoid American Airlines. I also hate it when airlines serve Prosecco instead of Champagne.

It's simple - you don't recline your seat until meal service is over.

Erm, I'm going to hazard a guess that it's less to do with you being a woman and perhaps more to do with your attitude?
Every flight attendant I've ever met has been friendly, polite and professional. But then, I'm respectful and polite to them too.

Just fly first class then you won’t have any problems sitting with the plebs who want to eat and drink on a flight.

I think you are being unreasonable/selfish and I'd imagine you'd be complaining at the end of the flight if you didn't get a meal as well. But I have been on Singapore/Emirates recently and they didn't make people put their seats up - which is bad because it makes it very annoying for everyone else who is trying to eat.

Got to love a seat reclining thread - it's up there with shoes on/shoes off and bogbrushes for vitriol.
Thank fuck most of the people I seem to fly with don't apparently contribute to batshit threads on MN.

As ex-ba cabin crew I’ll try not to be offended by this 🙄

It’s completely standard practice on every BA long haul for there to be a meal service regardless of the time. I find it hard to believe it was 3 hours after take off though as it’s always started as soon as the seat belt signs go off and is usually done by 2 hours after take off… if you’re in business then you can go to sleep and no one will disturb you but you were in economy so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Seats always have to be upright for the meal service for the person behind you to eat. I would imagine the cabin crew member didn’t want to tap you and wake you up so adjusted your seat herself hoping not to wake you.

Sorry OP you are being very unreasonable and sound pretty entitled to be honest.

Yours were great too.

There will always be people who’ve had to travel a long way to the airport/have been delayed/only just made the flight/had no time to eat beforehand.

And are hungry!

You come across as having a massive chip on your shoulder and ‘I have. money now so am entitled’. Fundamentally there is something called class and it shows itself by being polite and respectful to fellow passengers and crew.