Feel like it's so hard to find anyone even at 33

[CoralWasp]

Well I'm 33 in about 2 weeks. I was supposed to attend a single's night last night that I'd paid £20 for but I ended up with a dodgy stomach, just my luck.

I've only been single for 5 months, but I'm feeling the age-related pressures, if I want to have a child. I'm not even 100% sure I want a child, or even immediately, but I know I don't have forever.
If I were under 30 I wouldn't care about finding someone.

My last relationship ended after 4 years because he didn't want commitment. Still friends and I'm still sad but definitely did the right thing.
A couple of months back I liked someone, it seemed he did too but then went funny literally from one day to the next, I do think it's more him than me but it did knock my confidence.

I joined a dating app and I've recently been let down by 2 flaky men who clearly just wanted a penpal.
I do parkrun but men there either turn up with their girlfriend or finish the run in about 6 minutes so by the time I've finished they're long gone.

I do art, went to a drawing class but the average age group was twice my age even though they were lovely.
The ones I like at work are either taken or look in their 20s, so I'd just seem like a predator.
The other women in my team are largely under 25 and essentially just have to exist and that's all it takes.

Of course this sound like a boast but I get told I'm beautiful, pretty, nice figure and so on and I get my fair share of pervy men so I can't be that awful surely.
I don't think my personality is that terrible either. Everyone else seems to have someone around me and nobody's got the 'perfect' personality, not that there is such a thing.

People say I'm funny, I think I'm smart, I speak other languages, I have a lot of hobbies, I suppose I am quite geeky. People say I'm 'sweet' which I'm not sure how I feel about.
I'm not really into drinking, pubbing and partying tbh. I think I'm good at one-to-one or small groups and there are certain people I can talk to for hours.

I live where the uni halls are and keep seeing 20-something girls with gorgeous boyfriends! There's a lovely man at work but I'm too scared to ask our mutual friend if he's single without looking creepy.
Anyway, rant over. Feel unattractive and unwanted. Any advice pls?

I didn’t meet my husband until 35 - came out of a 10 year relationship the year before as I just couldn’t settle with my lovely ex boyfriend so I took a big risk here considering I wanted children.

Got married at 37 and had my son at 38. I wish you the same success ❤️❤️❤️

True...but there's also reasons theyre divorced in 30 etc. I don't think we can win here. If a guy is widowed the women swarm. .there is minimal decent older guys that are single. Ive given up

I'm loving the conflicting advice of the OP needing to be suddenly shorter because men will find her intimidating whilst simultaneously needing to date shorter men. Like how does that work?

Never mind the somewhat racist idea that she needs to go for men other women aren't going for like "men of other ethnicities" 🙄

OP those who have given you sensible advice like treating dating like a job, being ruthless with your criteria and making sure you are going out a lot because you will meet men you might like in your wider social circle, for example my DH went to school with one of my friends so I met him at a wider social occasion

I did recently talk to a man of another 'ethnicity' but he was one of the flaky ones who had no intention of meeting.
Honestly I can think of two couples from uni who are still together, most relationships that start in early 20s don't last that long, but it might just be my own situation!
I'll give the apps another go tonight.

Hi OP. Dont panic! I would keep an open mind and do what you are doing. Keep on going on dating events but I would wait until you find someone who you really like. I think the worse thing you can do is to get into a serious relationship with someone and have children with them and realise it was a mistake. I think the options to have children on your own are there and I would look into IVF on my own in a few years rather than have a long term relationship with the wrong person.

ps. the majority of my friends met their partners in their thirties.

Honestly I can think of two couples from uni who are still together, most relationships that start in early 20s don't last that long, but it might just be my own situation!

That's good because at least some of them must have met new partners somewhere - so ask where - maybe it was OLD - so they may have tips there - I suspect rest will be work or mutual friends.

I agree. Go out. Meet friends of friends. Do stuff that really interests you, for its own sake, not to meet a man. Because energy and passion are attractive.

A friend asked me to come out one a really horrible January night. I had a work deadline and said no. She nagged me. I agreed. That's when she introduced me to her oldest entirely platonic male friend, my DH.

And chat to people about things that interest you. DS met his partner on Twitter! They had an interest in common, got chatting on a thread started by mutual friends, found out they would both be in the same city at the same time one summer and agreed to meet up. Friends for a few months then fell madly in love.

Honestly 99% of my friends met their partners on apps! I've just not had any luck with them so far. Some people refuse to date colleagues sadly.

Where friends of mine have recently met the loves of their lives:
at work
at a running club
at a shared interest adult ed class
OLD
Twitter
volunteering

I had a boyfriend throughout my university years but I left when I was 21. I really couldn't imagine being with the same man I was with at 21! Even if I had been single, I did a humanities course where a large number of my colleagues were either female or gay men, a small number I liked who either weren't single or I just didn't have the confidence to approach!

You have to be ruthless with the apps. Most of my friends met their person via them but it took anywhere from a few months to a few years to find the right person...and they treated it like an after work job, albeit with a very no bs / no time wasting approach. Don’t go on endless dates with someone just because they kind of seem ok even if you’re not that attracted to them / feel no connection etc. Just move on to the next. I think (assuming you have a decent gut instinct) you should absolutely know after one date whether someone has decent potential to work with you or not. I don’t buy that it takes months to work that out!

Have you tried being a nice person?

Ooooh your the kind of man who thinks he's a "nice guy" and why don't women go for him

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yeah I get why you would want women to lower their standards. But the OP would be better off going it alone with a sperm donor than with the kind of man who posts "hoe math"

Oh honey, it's not your age that's your problem, or your looks

Incel vibes

I have to ask now what's wrong with PureGym?