Feel like it's so hard to find anyone even at 33

[CoralWasp]

Well I'm 33 in about 2 weeks. I was supposed to attend a single's night last night that I'd paid £20 for but I ended up with a dodgy stomach, just my luck.

I've only been single for 5 months, but I'm feeling the age-related pressures, if I want to have a child. I'm not even 100% sure I want a child, or even immediately, but I know I don't have forever.
If I were under 30 I wouldn't care about finding someone.

My last relationship ended after 4 years because he didn't want commitment. Still friends and I'm still sad but definitely did the right thing.
A couple of months back I liked someone, it seemed he did too but then went funny literally from one day to the next, I do think it's more him than me but it did knock my confidence.

I joined a dating app and I've recently been let down by 2 flaky men who clearly just wanted a penpal.
I do parkrun but men there either turn up with their girlfriend or finish the run in about 6 minutes so by the time I've finished they're long gone.

I do art, went to a drawing class but the average age group was twice my age even though they were lovely.
The ones I like at work are either taken or look in their 20s, so I'd just seem like a predator.
The other women in my team are largely under 25 and essentially just have to exist and that's all it takes.

Of course this sound like a boast but I get told I'm beautiful, pretty, nice figure and so on and I get my fair share of pervy men so I can't be that awful surely.
I don't think my personality is that terrible either. Everyone else seems to have someone around me and nobody's got the 'perfect' personality, not that there is such a thing.

People say I'm funny, I think I'm smart, I speak other languages, I have a lot of hobbies, I suppose I am quite geeky. People say I'm 'sweet' which I'm not sure how I feel about.
I'm not really into drinking, pubbing and partying tbh. I think I'm good at one-to-one or small groups and there are certain people I can talk to for hours.

I live where the uni halls are and keep seeing 20-something girls with gorgeous boyfriends! There's a lovely man at work but I'm too scared to ask our mutual friend if he's single without looking creepy.
Anyway, rant over. Feel unattractive and unwanted. Any advice pls?

Such bollocks! I met my husband at 36 (we have two kids) and was proposed to twice in one year at 35. Calm down OP. You have time.

33 isn’t elderly! You have plenty of time to meet him and have kids. I say this with confidence, as we all did (see above re my circle).

And, for the record, I’m also 5’7” and high earning - it’s never been an issue. You don’t want someone who has a problem with either of those things. Don’t make yourself small (literally or figuratively) to make someone else feel big. That’s never going to lead to a healthy relationship.

@GreatGateauxsby‘s advice is great. Only thing I’ll add is to try to enjoy yourself. Dating is meant to be fun.

Please don't lose hope, I met my husband when we were both in our thirties and I know plenty of other people who did the same.
Most people I know met their partners through online dating - I'm sorry to say it took them all a lot more than 2 bad dates but most got there in the end.
I met mine through a hobby - to get to know people at ParkRun I recommend volunteering for a few weeks or finding out where they go for their post-run coffee and cake (for us it's the local Tesco cafe). Alternatively a running club might give you more of a social aspect, ours at least does drinks after and you're more likely to get the single people hanging around for that than the married ones with kids.
Good luck!

I did think about responding to that nonsense, but what do you even say to someone who thinks that? 🤣

Utter utter bollocks, I agree.

Hah i'm slightly insulted if 5'7 is considered too tall for most men - it's average height lol...

If men are being off, they're just being off and aren't interested. It's not a height thing at 5'7.

Thank you everyone. I shouldn't give up yet :)

Well in the UK a lot of men are short around 5'7 to 5ft9 and most of them would prefer a shorter woman - in heels.

@AnitaLoos I actually think you're the troll, I never said too tall to be loved that is such a nasty and mean thing to say. I'm just used to women wanting a taller guy, when she is herself is tall. 5ft7 is absolutely tall in the UK for a woman.

This advice is spot on. You will definitely meet someone, OP- you sound like a catch. Try to imagine that you already know you will meet someone and enjoy the process as much as you can- once you're with husband, that's it forever, so this is your last chance to explore new men. Good luck!

Lol

As an aside, there is another thread running about why people feel the need to be so horrible. I think @GreyCarpet could do with having a look at that.

And height has got nothing to do with it, at all. I’m 5ft 7. I wear heels a lot. It’s never been a problem.

Op at 33, you have a LONG way to go. Without wanting to sound like a patronising old bag, you are young and there is time.

My recommendation would be to focus on you. Forget what you think x or y man might want and think about what YOU want. I found, once I focused on me, that relationship opportunities became very frequent. Confident women are very attractive. Set your goals, whatever they might be for your future and set out to make them happen, for you. And if a suitable (worthy) man comes along. That’s great. But, don’t settle. Pick what YOU want and stick with it.

My advice is date lots of guys! have a high ditching criteria.... its a game of number really.

Dont give up and good luck

Totally agree with posters that it's a numbers game!

You've just got to keep at it and treat it like a part time job of you're really serious about meeting someone.

Don't put too much stock in first dates - they're just a 'vibe check'. Keep it to a drink or two, not dinner. Otherwise you'll burn out!

Wow you sound utterly ghastly as well as talking absolute shite

The thing is, most relationships in your 20s do not last. I can hardly think of anyone who met their partner at uni and they're still together now.

Really? Pretty much everyone i know met their husband/wife either at uni or on a graduate training program after it.

Bit of an aside but I think it's funny you say you're hardly looking for Brad Pitt types and the say you date plenty of men who are 5"10...that's quite a tall lower limit and while I'm not advocating for no standards, suggests to me you are actually going for the type of man every other woman wants, I would imagine that's most women's preferred height... If you set 5"7 as a minimum that would be different....anyway.

Dating is basically a numbers game, you have to really commit to it, get out on dates and meet as many men as you can, in person. Don't waste ages chatting online. You'll likely meet someone sooner or later but (unless you're lucky) you might need to go on a lot of failed dates first.

It is hard to find someone truly right for you. That's probably a good thing. Even just among the many men I've been attracted to and the many men who I've liked enough to be friends with, I think I would have been genuinely compatible in a romantic way with maybe 2 or 3 of them. The idea of meeting potential good partners for me all the time is a little exhausting!

When you're younger you're still a bit hazy on what real compatibility is and can mistake it for someone you just fancy or get along with. When you're older you have a much clearer idea of what you want and also what you can't live with. Again this is a good thing.

However I will say that a mistake almost all my eternally-dating friends make is that if they get along with someone but there's no chemistry, they consider that a failure and never see the other person again. Whereas they should see them as a decent person and a good friend - through whom you will meet more people, and your perfect partner might be among them.

Finding a partner is about expanding your social circle, taking up invitations and meeting more and more people. And it's even more important to expand your social circle to members of the opposite sex.

Jesus, some of the responses are brutal! OP, I remember being in a similar situation to you. I met my now husband at 29, so a bit younger, but I'd literally never had a relationship before that and by 27/28/29 I felt utterly hopeless about it and thought I'd never have a relationship. I felt like there was something massively wrong with me. I had a lot of hobbies and interests, but not the type of ones that tend to lead to meeting single men. I eventually joined a few dating websites, got disillusioned with them and came off them for a while, then rejoined, had some more dates that ended in nothing in and then... boom! Met the one! It will happen. Be patient, don't fall into the trap of wasting weeks chatting online, arrange to meet people quickly, move on quickly if there's no spark, and keep going. In the meantime, keep doing the things that interest you so you have your own life and things to talk about on dates. Good luck!

I'm 5ft 10 and never had a problem getting boyfriends/husband.
Don't limit yourself to flats that terrible advice.

I think dating in your 30's is really hard.
But my advice - don't obsess over being single. Keep busy, take opportunities to get out, have new experiences and most of all, be kind to yourself and have good self esteem.

You sound great. You've only been single a few months since your 20s and I think you just need to adjust to how it is in a slightly different life stage rather than compare yourself to 20 somethings who have a totally different approach

Same as with a PP, I was London based until recently and early 30s was the age most started looking seriously (of all the professional 'incomers' I knew anyway) so it might be different regionally but time isn't running away with you.

Look seriously, use quality dating sites not just swiping apps (I used hinge and paid match) and hobby groups. Keep your standards high and don't give second chances if you get a whiff of 'timewaster'. A lot of men will openly bullshit about wanting to settle down when they simply want sex. Not to be too cynical, there are plenty of decent ones but there are those that will happily waste your time this way knowing you're at an age looking for something serious. Any hint of this, bail.

I would say, if you feel like you're meeting men who aren't quite right because they feel more like friends, you're on the right track. If it's complicated sexual dalliances that would never make it in your real world and family life, you're not.

At this age if you do want kids, I wouldn't go for those who have their own unless it's an unmissable connection. Purely about timing.

And ask about the colleague!!

You'll meet someone. I had all but given up. Keep the interests and hobbies up.

@CoralWasp Top tip for you, dont bother looking for answers on the intenet its a waste of time. When you meet the right person it will most likley be when you least expect it and are not looking.

The right person for you is not going to have a check list and look at your height ect, thats just torturing yourself for the sake of it and 100% unproductive.

How to get a guy, be 100% yourself all of the time. When the right person comes along they will look past all your negative points and still love you when you look like shit in the morning with a hangover and no makeup and when your ill.

Trying to impress, is not being yourself and it shows. All you do with this is attact all the guys who are after a shag as your saying look im an easy target.

Wait until you meet some one who you find attractive it may be their eyes, their personality or some thing that you cannot put your finger on. but you will know when you are intrested and so will they.

Forcing yourself to go with a guy that takes an interst in your looks only tells me it wont last.

But he what do I know Im a random on the internet. You need to learn to be happy on your own before you happy with any one else, until then your setting yourself up to fail.