Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The wrong ring

105 replies

J4ff4 · 27/04/2024 23:49

My husband and I are recently married. We have been together for quite some time. We chose our own non matching rings. I recently noticed my husband was wearing a different ring and when I asked him about it he told me i was imagining things. I knew I was not because I was there when we purchased the rings and I put the ring on his finger. I continue to ask him about this different ring and he kept saying I was taking nonsense, he got angry and told me it was the same ring. I still had the ring recepit and checked the ring out on the venders site using the code from the receipt and it showed the ring that we purchased together and it was different to the ring he is now wearing. I have shown him the picture on the vendors site and he still says its the same ring, which it is cleanly not. I have tried racking my brain wondering why would he lie to me like this. And now I have all sorts of things going through my mind. Whose ring is he wearing, is he having an affair and he's wearing their ring or did they get their rings mixed up. Also the ring is a bit big for his finger because it keeps slipping off. So now I'm worried he's wearing another man's ring, and he has gotten the ring mixed up whilst fooling around and he's been wearing it for so long now he can't remember what his own ring looks like. You can also see the ring is different from the ring in our wedding photos. I haven't told anyone because I know he'll make me look like I'm going crazy, and I am too ashamed to tell anyone because I don't want people to know my business. Am I being unreasonable if I am him to leave.?

OP posts:
hourstokill · 27/04/2024 23:51

maybe he just lost or damaged the original ring and replaced it?

TeaKitten · 27/04/2024 23:53

Jumping straight to bigamy is quite extreme. Why do you think he’s cheating? And if the ring is visibly a different ring to the one if your wedding photos why do you think people wouldn’t believe you?

Original poster
J4ff4 · 27/04/2024 23:55

If that was the case why does he not just say that, instead of trelling me I'm imagining things.

OP posts:
whosthefoolnow · 27/04/2024 23:55

hourstokill · 27/04/2024 23:51

maybe he just lost or damaged the original ring and replaced it?

So why get angry about it?

KatyaKabanova · 27/04/2024 23:57

Whoa! Gaslighting you and lying like that?
If he lost it, why not just say?
Maybe he took it off for a reason and lost it. Guilty behaviour..

toomanyy · 27/04/2024 23:58

My DH lost his ring twice. I bought the first, replaced it the second time but gave up after the second loss and he bought the third himself.

Sounds like he has lost it and replaced it but doesn’t want to admit it.

KatyaKabanova · 27/04/2024 23:59

toomanyy · 27/04/2024 23:58

My DH lost his ring twice. I bought the first, replaced it the second time but gave up after the second loss and he bought the third himself.

Sounds like he has lost it and replaced it but doesn’t want to admit it.

Edited

Why not though? To the extent he's getting angry?

IThinkAdversePossessionApplies · 28/04/2024 00:04

The suspicious thing isn't that he's wearing a different ring (maybe he didn't want to admit to losing it and replaced it, or decided he didn't like the original one after all).
The suspicious thing is how he's reacting to a complete legitimate question about why it's clearly a new ring. Not my place to speculate on the reasons for that, but that's where I would be focusing my questions.

hourstokill · 28/04/2024 00:11

on a side note, my husband would not have a clue what either my wedding ring or my engagement ring looks like.

i'm onto my 3rd wedding ring, this last one i didnt even tell him i'd replaced it.

i don't even wear my rings anymore unless for special occasions, i just wear a cheap pandora band becuase its a bit more hardy

LineMadeByWalking · 28/04/2024 00:15

Pretty much any other explanation (eg that he lost it and replaced it, hoping you wouldn’t notice, and feels guilty and defensive) sounds more likely than that he took it off to seduce an OW and accidentally put a completely different man’s wedding ripping that was too big for him on afterwards…? Or are you imagining some kind of ‘throwing your keys in the bowl’, sex thing only with rings?

Original poster
J4ff4 · 28/04/2024 00:16

I get what everyone is saying, maybe he lost it. But why not just say that. Even after I showed him the ring we bought he still says its the same ring. He even said we'll go to the store and you'll see its the same ring. He's just saying that cos he things I'll back of, but I won't and I'll go to the store with him if that's what it takes. Although I think he can't tremendous what his own ring looks like and that's why he's adamant it's the same ring. Question is whose ring is he wearing.

OP posts:
BrieHugger · 28/04/2024 00:21

How weird!

In what way are they different? Are both from the same shop? Are either engraved on the inside?

MyBreezyPombear · 28/04/2024 00:22

J4ff4 · 28/04/2024 00:16

I get what everyone is saying, maybe he lost it. But why not just say that. Even after I showed him the ring we bought he still says its the same ring. He even said we'll go to the store and you'll see its the same ring. He's just saying that cos he things I'll back of, but I won't and I'll go to the store with him if that's what it takes. Although I think he can't tremendous what his own ring looks like and that's why he's adamant it's the same ring. Question is whose ring is he wearing.

Edited

It's easy then. You both go back to the store and they can tell him it's a different ring.

LineMadeByWalking · 28/04/2024 00:25

I don’t know, but you sound like a dog with a bone about it if you’re continually bringing it up and sleuthing with receipts — it’s possible it’s not surprising he’s defensive if he simply lost and replaced it with a ring he thought looked the same, but which didn’t fool you? Are you actually contemplating ending your marriage over this?

DrJoanAllenby · 28/04/2024 00:28

I would insist on going back to the shop with him so he can show them the ring.

Original poster
J4ff4 · 28/04/2024 00:42

Marriage is about trust, if he can't tell me he's lost his ring then that's his issue not mine. I don't care if he's lost it. We've been together for over 30 years, losing the ring is not an issue. He's no business or reason to be lying. He's not afraid to tell me he scrapped our new car, but can't tell me he's lost his ring. No there is something more devious going on here.

OP posts:
LineMadeByWalking · 28/04/2024 00:47

J4ff4 · 28/04/2024 00:42

Marriage is about trust, if he can't tell me he's lost his ring then that's his issue not mine. I don't care if he's lost it. We've been together for over 30 years, losing the ring is not an issue. He's no business or reason to be lying. He's not afraid to tell me he scrapped our new car, but can't tell me he's lost his ring. No there is something more devious going on here.

Well, you’ve only just got married, but have been with this man for 30 years. Aside from the ring, have you ever had any other reason not to trust him?

Original poster
J4ff4 · 28/04/2024 00:48

The original wedding ring is a polished gold ring with brushed gold centre round the ring. The ring he's wearing is polished gold with 2 indented rings rl meat the edge of the ring. Not the same. Total different look altogether.

OP posts:
Original poster
J4ff4 · 28/04/2024 00:50

He goes out side to take calls, deleted all texts and calls. So yes I do have reason to doubt him.

OP posts:
nokidshere · 28/04/2024 00:52

How long has he had the ring? Is it possible he was given the wrong ring from the start and you have only just noticed it's different? But to him it's just the ring he has always had? Seems a very strange thing to lie about if he says you can go to the shop and check?

Original poster
J4ff4 · 28/04/2024 00:53

We got married last year, the ring is only months old. We have wedding photos of the Rings.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 28/04/2024 00:53

I was thinking he’d lost the original and replaced it but your update about the suss phone activity is making me question him too.

nokidshere · 28/04/2024 00:53

You can also see the ring is different from the ring in our wedding photos.

Sorry I missed this bit

SemperIdem · 28/04/2024 00:54

He certainly sounds like an interesting character.

This is more my own idle curiosity I suppose but - are you “been together since you were 14” 30 years, or “been together since you were 30” 30 years?

Original poster
J4ff4 · 28/04/2024 00:55

Since we were in our early 20s

OP posts: