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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The wrong ring

105 replies

J4ff4 · 27/04/2024 23:49

My husband and I are recently married. We have been together for quite some time. We chose our own non matching rings. I recently noticed my husband was wearing a different ring and when I asked him about it he told me i was imagining things. I knew I was not because I was there when we purchased the rings and I put the ring on his finger. I continue to ask him about this different ring and he kept saying I was taking nonsense, he got angry and told me it was the same ring. I still had the ring recepit and checked the ring out on the venders site using the code from the receipt and it showed the ring that we purchased together and it was different to the ring he is now wearing. I have shown him the picture on the vendors site and he still says its the same ring, which it is cleanly not. I have tried racking my brain wondering why would he lie to me like this. And now I have all sorts of things going through my mind. Whose ring is he wearing, is he having an affair and he's wearing their ring or did they get their rings mixed up. Also the ring is a bit big for his finger because it keeps slipping off. So now I'm worried he's wearing another man's ring, and he has gotten the ring mixed up whilst fooling around and he's been wearing it for so long now he can't remember what his own ring looks like. You can also see the ring is different from the ring in our wedding photos. I haven't told anyone because I know he'll make me look like I'm going crazy, and I am too ashamed to tell anyone because I don't want people to know my business. Am I being unreasonable if I am him to leave.?

OP posts:
willWillSmithsmith · 28/04/2024 10:08

Josette77 · 28/04/2024 07:04

Are you suggesting your DH is secretly bisexual?

And him and another married man mixed up thier rings?

This seems to be the most logical explanation.

WellThatEndedBadly · 28/04/2024 10:15

OP, do you want to be with your husband? You don't trust him and you don't sound like you like him? Which is fair enough as e doesn't sound likeabke.

pontipinemum · 28/04/2024 10:18

Go to the shop, go this afternoon. Get your answer one way or the other

Jonersy22 · 28/04/2024 10:26

@J4ff4 He is gaslighting you. Whatever the reason, it is quite serious he's doing that. Making you doubt your own reality. You are right to be on edge. Hold on to your own perception of reality!

Mnetcurious · 28/04/2024 10:35

“ I know he'll make me look like I'm going crazy” — this is the main bit that concerns me. This does not sound like a healthy relationship.

johnd2 · 28/04/2024 10:53

> Marriage is about trust, if he can't tell me he's lost his ring then that's his issue not mine

Actually if there's a lack of trust then that's both your issue, not just his.

Carouselfish · 28/04/2024 10:53

Well, from your updates he's had a fling with another married man and picked the wrong ring up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2024 13:52

Carouselfish · 28/04/2024 10:53

Well, from your updates he's had a fling with another married man and picked the wrong ring up.

That’s what I was meaning in my post upthread.

LineMadeByWalking · 28/04/2024 13:53

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2024 13:52

That’s what I was meaning in my post upthread.

Yes, or he was having a M/F threesome where everyone took off their rings, and he put back on the man’s? Or he’s having an affair with a large-fingered woman?

MILTOBE · 28/04/2024 13:57

OK so he's definitely wearing a different ring. It doesn't fit his finger, either, which indicates he knows it's not his ring and that the ring belongs to a man rather than a woman. You also know he's flirted with at least one man and is secretive about his phone.

Why are you with this man?

diddl · 28/04/2024 14:35

So if it's someone else's ring I wonder if he'll swap back & make out he was wearing his all the time?

BlackCat007 · 28/04/2024 14:56

He was flirting with a man then adamant he wasn’t? Sorry, I’d have been gone at that point

Cheeesus · 28/04/2024 15:00

I wonder if he took his ring off and lost it and has replaced it. He didn’t want to tell you. I would think that would be that, except for the other reasons you have to be suspicious, which would make me wonder about the reason for him taking the ring off in the first place. Maybe it was because he was cheating.

Watchkeys · 28/04/2024 17:45

Cheeesus · 28/04/2024 15:00

I wonder if he took his ring off and lost it and has replaced it. He didn’t want to tell you. I would think that would be that, except for the other reasons you have to be suspicious, which would make me wonder about the reason for him taking the ring off in the first place. Maybe it was because he was cheating.

Edited

If he can't say 'I lost my ring and had to replace it', and has to make OP feel like she's crazy instead, none of his reasons really matter.

StopStartStop · 28/04/2024 17:48

That's bizarre. If he's lost his original ring, replaced it and doesn't want to admit it, he lost the ring doing something he shouldn't. Taking off his ring while he was out on the pull, perhaps.

You need to ditch this man. You can't trust him.

CranfordScones · 28/04/2024 17:52

I don't care if he's lost it.

Really? Because that's not how you come across...

UrbanFan · 28/04/2024 17:58

I think his behaviour over what is clearly a different ring is a bit suss.

BubbleTheTea · 28/04/2024 18:08

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 28/04/2024 08:19

My husband’s ring looks different now to when we bought it. It would be unusual for a man to be wearing another ring by mistake that fits so well and after 30 years I can’t imagine he’d dare wear a ring he’d swapped without discussing it. Is there a chance you’re mistaken?

They haven't been married for 30 year, they got married last year

"We got married last year, the ring is only months old."

J4ff4 · 30/04/2024 22:41

So update on the ring situation. We took the ring back to the store, not sure the guy even knew if it was their ring or not, but advised the brushing could wear off. So they have taken it to get it rebrushed. So maybe this is the right ring, and maybe the brushing wears of, I don't know. The only way I'll know for sure is if the brushing wears of again.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 30/04/2024 22:47

J4ff4 · 30/04/2024 22:41

So update on the ring situation. We took the ring back to the store, not sure the guy even knew if it was their ring or not, but advised the brushing could wear off. So they have taken it to get it rebrushed. So maybe this is the right ring, and maybe the brushing wears of, I don't know. The only way I'll know for sure is if the brushing wears of again.

My ring was brushed gold. It wore off after only a few months and very quickly looked like a totally different ring to how it does in our wedding photos.

If DH accused me of switching it out I'd be telling him he's crazy too.

LineMadeByWalking · 30/04/2024 22:50

J4ff4 · 30/04/2024 22:41

So update on the ring situation. We took the ring back to the store, not sure the guy even knew if it was their ring or not, but advised the brushing could wear off. So they have taken it to get it rebrushed. So maybe this is the right ring, and maybe the brushing wears of, I don't know. The only way I'll know for sure is if the brushing wears of again.

So, you invented an affair with a big-fingered person of unspecified sex, with whom your husband for some reason swapped wedding rings, rather than the more likely possibility that your husband lost weight, so his ring is loose and the brushing has worn off? Honestly.

BrieHugger · 30/04/2024 23:22

Hang on. How would a jewellery shop not know if it was their ring or not? Because it looks so different?

ChedderGorgeous · 30/04/2024 23:27

Could you check your ring doorbell camera ?
Any big fingered men coming in ?

ABirdsEyeView · 30/04/2024 23:30

I'd worry less about the ring and more about the marriage. He's secretive with his phone and you've caught him flirting with a man - there's no trust here, (for good reason imo) and so whether he's lying or not about the ring is just one more problem on top of the more pressing issues.
This relationship is dead in the water imo.

notgettinganyyounger · 30/04/2024 23:38

@ChedderGorgeous 🤣

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