Pissed off at friends birthday plans

[Alarmingghhh]

It's a big birthday and she wants to rent out a space in a poshish bar, I had heard all about it, sounded good, I told her was available to come etc.

Well she's just sent us all our invites and she is charging a fee basically to cover the cost of reserving space. You do get something for the price aka your "ticket" includes 2 drinks, but I just think its really cheeky?! She has savings so it's like use your savings or else lower your expectation?!

I think I would want to know if it was going to be two drinks from the actual bar or if it was going to be bottles of wine stuck on a table and every man for himself in getting their two glasses.

I think the important point is when did the birthday host tell the guests she was expecting them to pay for whatever?

It's best to be as up front as possible about costs so that people can decide whether they're happy about it before committing to an event.

So fine before/whilst asking them if they can come. Included in the invitation or chatted about beforehand.

Not after they've already said they can come and can't change their mind without embarrassment.

but who is she supposedly pretending for? All her guests will know they've paid for their own spaces, so how will she be getting away with "pretending to host?" Why will she get an ego boost from this, and, tbh, why, even if she did "boast" to a third party, i.e. a colleague "Oh I went to bar X for my birthday on the weekend" would this be of any detrimental impact to OP, who wouldn't be there and wouldn't overhear her boasting, anyway?

If I see a photo of people I know hanging out at a bar/gig/show, I've literally never thought "Ah looks like they had a nice time, but I wonder who paid for what?" Who would honestly care?

It's not like when OP originally agreed to go it was on the basis she wouldn't be spending a penny for the whole night. Her friend didn't entice her in saying she'd pay for everyone's drinks, she just said she'd rent a space. OP was presumably happy to pay for her own drinks, which, in a nice bar, would have cost way more than £15 for 2 glasses of wine. So literally nothing has changed. She'll still go to the same place, with the same people, and spend the same amount on drinks. Again, if OPs issue was she didn't like wine, so the £15 wouldn't cover her drinks, that would be understandable. But it's not. She just doesn't want to do it because she thinks her friend is cheating her out of something, and will be "showing off" to some undefined, hypothetical audience.

Yes, you can like a person but not like one of their actions. But if you then start bringing up multiple other things that they've also done that you don't like, describe them as "tight as hell" and "a PITA" and start a thread to complain about her online, to me that's fairly indicative that you're not their biggest fan!

Or at least, I wouldn't do that to someone I considered a friend!

You all CHOSE to do so.

You made a choice. Own it

So anyone who didn't contribute to the crowd funder IS a monster?

Besides, surely if not paying towards a friend's dog's medical treatment would make someone a monster, surely her being willing to let her OWN dog suffer unless others paid up means she's far worse?

So you're happy to go for birthday drinks to celebrate a "monster" but only if she pays for them?

She’s charging people to go to her birthday party?!

That’s so tacky.

If she couldn’t afford the venue without guests coughing up for it then she shouldn’t have booked it.

I’m cringing for her!

How do you know they will let her order something else. They are potentially ordering a load of bottles to share between them.
and as for holding the £15 hostage, well I don’t think she is getting it back.

I am surprised by the comments here as normally when people say that they are being asked to pay to attend a baby shower or something they are always told that it’s super cheeky and the host should pay.

personally I am mixed, I think as long as you got the info upfront before you were asked if you were going then it’s ok/

If she's got form in being mean I'd give it a swerve. She's likely to expect everyone to pay for her all night.

However £15 per person for a pre-payment is not expensive for 2 glasses of vino.

But key question is- is the dog invited to the party?

I wouldn’t have an issue with it purely because the £15 includes two drinks. If it was £15 and I got nothing for it I wouldn’t subsidise it unless she was a really good friend (which it sounds like she isn’t) and having a hard time with money. It sounds like you like the bar, and presumably she has negotiated the cost of the room hire and drinks, so I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt.

Genius!! Probably wonts to make sure she’s not shelling out and then people will pull out / not turn up so doing this makes more people to commit?
although I do see what you mean! I guess it depends how much you’re bothered about going or not

Well, you didn't have to contribute, presumably you chose to? You don't seem to like your friend very much so if you don't want to go, don't go 🤷‍♀️ £15 for 2 glasses of wine and a guaranteed seating area sounds pretty reasonable to me!

You’re clearly not actually her friend.
how mean

It’s an invitation not a command.

Well I've texted her saying I'm not keen on the idea but will see her week before her to treat her to a birthday drink

Even if it comes out the same price...its the principle

It’s not necessarily cheeky but I wouldn’t go because it’s so lame. Making your guests pay to attend your birthday?! It rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn’t go.

Exactly. Cringe.

Seems like you've made a good compromise to see her for a drink and swerve the party. If she's tight with money I can see why the way she's gone about this has rubbed you up the wrong way. I wouldn't begrudge paying £15 to a friend upfront for the venue/drinks if they generally pay their own way and had explained what they were intending on doing before sending out the invite.

Whilst I can see why you are annoyed I would still go.

I recently booked a bar for my birthday that had a minimum spend of £1000- I didn't have to pay this, as the drinks on the evening (bought by my guests) far exceeded that spend. So did I also "charge" people to attend my birthday, or was that in fact a perfectly normal thing that loads of people do?

Going about it how she has is a bit weird, but the principle is the same. I wouldn't begrudge this at all for someone I liked- presumably after you've had your two glasses of wine you're free to order whatever you like.

I agree with you wholeheartedly OP. But I would go and £15 is nothing but YES she’s a cheapskate.

She’s completely bypassing the cost of throwing a party. It would cost £450 if she paid for 30 friends to attend - that’s the done thing.

When I read this first, I expected it to be a large sum of money so voted YANBU.

Then I saw it's £15 and it includes two drinks so it's really good.

Honestly, it sounds like you don't like this friend and are looking for more reasons to be annoyed with her OP.

I think people are purposefully missing he point, here.

Your mate has previous for being a skinflint and this is just another example in a long line of them, by the sounds of it.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go at all, OP. She's decided she wants a posh place but wants to share the cost of the venue out.

I agree with you, if you're having a get together you fund the room hire.