Pissed off at friends birthday plans

[Alarmingghhh]

It's a big birthday and she wants to rent out a space in a poshish bar, I had heard all about it, sounded good, I told her was available to come etc.

Well she's just sent us all our invites and she is charging a fee basically to cover the cost of reserving space. You do get something for the price aka your "ticket" includes 2 drinks, but I just think its really cheeky?! She has savings so it's like use your savings or else lower your expectation?!

I wouldn't mind the £15 thing per se - it's entirely your choice whether to pay it and attend or not pay it and not attend. Sounds like you have bigger issues with her though.

People who don’t know someone like this won’t understand, as PPs have said. It sounds like a small issue but I bet she got you to agree to going before mentioning the cost. I’ve had a friend like that, her attitude was well they chose to pay. Which is true but she’d be in a terrible mood if no one wanted to go.

Seems pretty normal. Go or don’t.🤷‍♀️

I go out where I just buy my own cider. Work Christmas party had a free g&t or soft drink at the door, no other alternative. They wouldn't allow a colleague who couldn't have tonic to have neat gin or with another mixer.

Exactly. You don't have to go if you think it's cheeky. And I wouldn't have contributed to the dog, other than sending her a link to pet insurance products for the future.

You don’t sound like you like her much the way you’re going on about her. Just don’t go?

Yes precisely; she already checked OP was available to go before springing the details.

Guaranteed she's always nowhere to be found when it's her round but will enthusiastically and consistently put her hand up at a polite "everyone ok for a drink" despite having a full drink on the table.

My similar person gets into huge huffs if she's not invited anywhere but she a) never hosts b) is always the guest who arrives empty handed as didn't have a chance to stop at the shop and c) mooches off everybody else. It's the accumulation of resentment that builds up. It's the effort required to remind yourself to not ask if anyone needs a drink when going to the bar.

It's horrible to be on the receiving end of because it forces you to go against your own nature.

Sorry no couldn't do that to my fiends. had a big birthday last year. paid for everything myself. invited all my friends as wanted them to celebrate my big birthday. if you can't afford to have the party you want then don't do it.

That was your chance to tell her you agree with the friend.

@Ohnodontwantthiscrush yes that’s spot on. And the awkwardness of having to ask the bar staff to only pay for your own drink whilst the cf ignores the staff and waits for you to pay the total bill.
It is OPs choice to pay but a normal polite friend would reciprocate and remember they owe you one, not just relentlessly accept things for free.

Oh, we understand the OP well enough

I find it odd people do this because I wouldn't dream of inviting people to a meal, bar , event whatever and not fully funding it, my philosophy is you invite people to the occasion you can afford to fully fund and that includes weddings with the only exception that's it's fine to only offer wine, beer and soft drinks with people paying for other drinks.

There's usually a minimum spend to hire a space and if you don't hit that, you as the organizer are responsible for the difference. Usually ppl just live with this and hope it doesn't happen, but I speak from experience when I say it can cast a bit of anxiety over an evening. Hiring a space makes life nicer for guests as well as host so I don't think it's inherently selfish, and £15 for two glasses of wine, which I suspect is her way of ensuring the minimum spend is hit upfront, isn't expensive really.

Sounds pretty reasonable to me.

If,you can't afford the £15 to,go,to the party, don't go to it 🤷‍♀️

What - you'd pay for someone's cinema or theatre tickets?

@mitogoshi Really? You would never invite ppl to eg the pub for your birthday unless you were covering their drinks? I'm surprised as a) I just couldn't afford that which would mean I'd never get to celebrate my bday with friends and b) the tradition I'm most familiar with is everyone standing the bday boy or girl drinks all night cos it's their bday!

no sorry you don't throw a party and ask people to pay for tickets. different if it's in a venue with a bar then pay for their own drinks but you pay for food and venue hire. if you can't afford to pay for that then don't have it full stop.
arrange what you can afford.

I never understand comments like 'you obviously don’t like your friend' when a situation like this arises. Surely you can like a person but not like one of their actions?

This

You didn’t have to though did you?

£15 when it pays for 2 drinks seems fine.

You don’t like her though so stop. calling her a friend, decline the invite and distance yourself from her.

I think it's rude but would probably go. Chances are you'll reach any minimum spend and she should just make up the difference at the end of the night.

According to OP, she’s like it all the time. It’s not a one off. This is who she is. Therefore, OP doesn’t like her.

well 2 glasses of wine are usually anywhere from £12 ish to £18 quid

and although someone maybe tight - it is their birthday. Just knock it off the birthday present budget..

You sound difficult op. It’s clearly because there’s a minimum spend at the bar and there’s a high risk of people dropping out. Just don’t go if you don’t want to- you quite clearly don’t like her anyway!