Pissed off at friends birthday plans

[Alarmingghhh]

It's a big birthday and she wants to rent out a space in a poshish bar, I had heard all about it, sounded good, I told her was available to come etc.

Well she's just sent us all our invites and she is charging a fee basically to cover the cost of reserving space. You do get something for the price aka your "ticket" includes 2 drinks, but I just think its really cheeky?! She has savings so it's like use your savings or else lower your expectation?!

I paid for a reserved area once, but I would get the money back from the bar if I spent over X amount. Which , knowing my friends I knew I would. I guess it’s a similar situation, though I think I would have felt a bit embarrassed to be asking.

I’m confused, £15 really isn’t a lot of money for a birthday imo? It’s not like a kids birthday party or wedding whereby the host fronts the cost of the venue etc. I only last weekend went to an afternoon tea for a birthday and ofc paid for my own, and the same would go if we were to go to a theatre type outing for a bday, whether up front or not it’s the same thing. If anything, you’d end up buying the birthday girl a drink as well as your own.

How many are going? If it’s a lot it sounds like she might be making a profit

I think it’s bonkers! I’ve been to many parties, and never been asked to pay an entry fee. But it seems I’m in the minority on here. Maybe it’s because I’m from Yorkshire, where people are very careful with their pennies, and if someone tried to charge invitees for attending their parties, no-one would turn up….

It's common to have a minimum spend in London if you reserve a table

Thanks to all the londoners who have come here to let us know this is standard practice there.
Thankfully I'm not in London and never intend to be.

I’m not sure why you’re getting such a battering OP (other than your slightly belligerent responses to those posters that do not agree with you).

The point is (to my mind) that hiring a private room with a minimum spend is fine. But, to the extent that the minimum spend is not met on the night, then the organiser bears the risk of payment of any deficit, not the attendees. To do otherwise is tacky and grabby. If that is the last of a long line of tight arsed behaviour from her then I can see why you’d be annoyed.

The dog thing actually makes me cross and sad - what would have happened if the funds weren’t raised? She should not own a dog if she cannot afford to keep one in good health.

YANBU.

I think it’s cringey. Adults who have birthday parties should be good hosts and pay for guests.

regardless of where it is I would expect the organiser to pay that fee if its not met
otherwise its comes across as so tacky and so embarrassing.

Its pretty normal to have to pay for a space in posher places. I don't think it's unreasonable to request covering payment. If she was hiring a hall it would be cheeky to ask people to pay.

It's no different to a private dining experience.

Bloody cheek!

Don't go.

The latest party I went to they hired a room and supplied food and put some money behind the bar so everyone could have a couple of drinks!

You don't have to go, I wouldn't if she was someone that did my head in. Or do you have fomo?

no i wouldnt pay someone to reserve a space i dont even drink

I understand why you feel put-out. I don't drink so I'd feel I'd be subsidising the event as my drinks probably wouldn't be more than a few quid each.

It seems odd when she could've just paid for the space and then just said it was pay for your own drinks. I feel like she's getting a fiver from each of you when often these spaces don't charge for use so it would be going in her pocket...

She could invite twenty friends, put £250 behind the bar and keep £50 to cover her own drinks...

I used to organise things like this and I was never charged a Private Dining Fee - it was just assumed we'd drink/eat/tip enough to make it worth while for the venue.

You would pay more than £15 for two glasses of wine in some places. It's hardly going to break the bank. The way you've written it I'd assumed it would be £50-100.

We’ve had this with a friend (You’re invited to a party - by the way, it’s £25 per head) and we didn’t go. Why? Well, we’d had this person round to our house for dinners/parties loads of times and always provided the food and drink and never stinted on either. This felt like a slap in the face.

I have a friend who is exactly the same. She doesn't want to go to nice restaurants but prefers somewhere cheaper in case she has to pay her share of the bill. As soon as the bill is asked for she goes to the toilet and is at least ten minutes in there. So the consensus is that when she comes back she hopes the bill has been paid and it usually has been.

There's a lot of other things re money. Personally, I find it a chore and quite stressful being with someone who is always looking for ways to off-load their share of a bill onto me or others.

What do others here think? Is going to the toilet every time the bill is asked for a sign that she's looking for others to pay? Also would you wait for a long time for her to return or just pay the bill?

This

Bargain

I would never pay her bill, no. TBH I'd find it quite funny to see how long I could "make" her wait in the toilet only for her to come out after 20 minutes to everyone saying "we've all paid, just you now." It's so easy now to just pay individually by card (either for what you've individually had, or, if everyone agrees, to split it), it wouldn't be any less convenient to wait her out. Possibly with a loud "OH MY GOD X ARE YOU OKAY, YOU'VE BEEN IN THE LOO FOR AGES, HAVE YOU GOT A BAD STOMACH?"
If it got absolutely ridiculous and everyone else was waiting to leave I'd knock on the door of the loo as we were leaving and say "hope you're okay, we've all paid and need to get home but I've given your coat to the waitress to put behind the bar to keep safe, she knows how much you need to pay too."

But I don't think it's equivalent to OP's issue - in this scenario OP expects the friend to pay for everyone attending, rather than just paying her own way.
I've no doubt that if OP's friend is always doing tight things it can be very annoying. But don't think this is a very good example of someone being cheeky.

In your case I'd just ask the waiter to pay my half while she was gone and then leave her to sort out her half when she gets back

£15 is literally what I pay in my local pub for 2 glasses of wine. Sounds like there is a minimum spend at the bar for the space to be reserved and she's trying to ensure that is covered. A bit like sending a birthday invite in your child's school WhatsApp group and wanting firm attendee numbers is all this is.

I don't see anything unreasonable about this.

I think if you invite people to your party you are hosting and you pay. I would be too mortified to charge a guest anything.

At least she is telling you up front you will need to pay. I once went to a 30th birthday party in Monaco for a colleague. She didn’t have a lot of friends and suggested I bring some of mine. Three of my friends joined the party (2 men and one woman - this is relevant). The birthday girl reserved a table at apparently the coolest club in Monaco. What she didn’t tell us was that to gain entry you had to pay for a very expensive drinks table. The group of 10-12 of us turned up and had a great night. We went to leave and the bouncers stopped all the men in our group and demanded they pay several hundred Euros for the drinks and the table. The birthday girl watched on happily and then left them to arrange covering her tab between themselves. Some people are just users.

Or just decline!!

Is that a UK/US thing? If I'm inviting someone for my party, I'm taking all the cost. That's how it is. I really don't understand this kind of culture. (living in UK, I only seen it there). We don't do that at home (coming from a small European country?).