Pissed off at friends birthday plans

[Alarmingghhh]

It's a big birthday and she wants to rent out a space in a poshish bar, I had heard all about it, sounded good, I told her was available to come etc.

Well she's just sent us all our invites and she is charging a fee basically to cover the cost of reserving space. You do get something for the price aka your "ticket" includes 2 drinks, but I just think its really cheeky?! She has savings so it's like use your savings or else lower your expectation?!

I'm always very confused when I see posts saying people should cover costs for guests at meals and nights out. It's just not a thing in my friendship group and wouldn't expect it. We'd be more likely to pay for the birthday person/hen/whatever.

15 quid including 2 drinks is nothing.

Well so do I. What if I want to drink whiskeys instead of 2 glasses of wine?

I had a friends 30th recently and they had a whole day of activities that would be self funded if attended. I didn’t like that as I think it’s exclusionary to those who don’t want to spend £50+ on random “team building” like activities but it’s what they wanted. I found it quite self centred personally and an excuse for us to pay for their bday but that’s the friends you pick.

Buy yourself whiskey?

A few months ago we all had to contribute to a crowdfunder

No you didn’t, you were not forced to. Dont bother going because it doesn’t sound like you like her very much anyway 🙄

And when it’s your turn you can do exactly that. For her birthday she has decided she wants to do something else. You are within your rights to say no, but £15 with two drinks included in a posh bar - hell yeah.

Of course I had to contribute to the dog, do you think I'm a monster???!

Is she doing it to make sure people turn up? Quite often with parties like these people say they'll come and then drop out last minute.

Are you okay?

That's ridiculous. Her pet expenses are her responsibility.

Ffs, 15 quid and two glasses of wine and you’re whinging like a stuck pig? You should like you hate her. Don’t go. Do her a favour.

It's basically just prepaying for 2 drinks. The space rental is probably free with a minimum spend, and she's just making sure the spend is met, and spreading it out fairly.

I wouldn't have a problem with it personally.

Do you have a problem paying for your own drinks, or were you expecting someone else to pay for you?

Yes great thanks. You? You still whining about this?

I assume she would have spent her own money otherwise? Or was she threatening to euthanise the dog if she didn't reach her target? If this was the case I'd have cut her off long ago.

If you're old enough to go to a licenced bar and drink, then you're old enough to NOT contribute to a go fund me for any reason at all.

Just checking as you seemed quite traumatised by this tale of two strangers. I'm glad you're OK

Sounds fine to me.

I agree if everyone drinks wine. Or if just a couple don't and others are happy to drink the extra wine and buy them a couple of drinks in exchange.

You’re coming across quite oddly, I won’t lie.

I somewhat understand why you don’t want to pay if you’re not really interested in drinking wine or being in a posh bar but in that case just decline the invite. Presumably that is what you would do if instead of a night out she invited you to a theme park or ice skating or to a spa and you didn’t want to pay to go because it wasn’t your thing, you’d decline. Alternatively suck it up and accept it’s her birthday and she’s reasonable to choose how to spend it.

As for paying for the crowdfunder, again you should have just said no. It sounds like the issue here is you’re not able to assert yourself and are being railroaded into doing things you then resent. You need to learn how to say no to things!

Depends what age group you are to be honest- my dd's age mid 20's this would be normal but 40/50's I wouldn't expect to pay.

63% of voters agree with me 😊

The people commenting are the weird (or grabby) ones.

Do you usually expect your friends to fund your dream life for you?