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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's never an excuse for not offering to take your shoes off in someone's home?

550 replies

CheerUpFFS · 26/04/2024 22:02

If you're a guest ( not working, I.e in a profession where you go into someone's house ) aibu to think there is never, ever an excuse to not at least offer to take your shoes off in someone's home? My mind is always blown when someone comes to mine and leaves them on,

Yabu - I keep my shoes on
Yanbu - I take them off

OP posts:
LandArt · 28/04/2024 14:46

Kalevala · 28/04/2024 14:43

Is the pattern of grooves on a sole of a shoe not called a tread? Is there another word?

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That’s certainly what I’d call it…?

MereDintofPandiculation · 28/04/2024 14:53

Sweetheart7 · 28/04/2024 13:24

OP covered that in her post. I'm shocked that others don't deem this as basic manners. I would take my shoes off because it was how I was raised and I don't walk around my home with my outside shoes! So I wouldn't do it at other people's houses.

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I was raised not to walk around my home in my outdoor shoes. I had indoor shoes for winter.

it was also considered rude to “make yourself at home” in other people’s houses, by shedding clothing uninvited. That includes shoes

BernardBlacksBreakfastWine · 28/04/2024 14:54

LandArt · 28/04/2024 14:46

That’s certainly what I’d call it…?

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Yes, that’s what I’d call it too. It just seemed that @justasking111 was perplexed.

LisaD1 · 28/04/2024 14:59

We take our shoes off in our home and it’s obvious as shoes are by the front door. We never ask guests to take theirs off. We have dogs, I don’t imagine some guests want dog hair on their feet (we hoover constantly but there’s always rogue hair!)

if I go to a friends I will offer to take mine off.

i would never make my guests feel uncomfortable, if they want to leave shoes on that’s fine. Nothing a mop can’t fix (wooden floors downstairs)

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 15:43

BernardBlacksBreakfastWine · 28/04/2024 14:36

I’m wondering if @justasking111 doesn’t know what the ‘tread’ of a shoe is? Struggling to understand where this little exchange came from 🤷‍♀️

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Or obnoxious

TeaPleaseX · 28/04/2024 15:44

I agree. I think it's nasty to wear shoes around the house. Gives me the ick.

BernardBlacksBreakfastWine · 28/04/2024 15:53

TeaPleaseX · 28/04/2024 15:44

I agree. I think it's nasty to wear shoes around the house. Gives me the ick.

Are you a grown-up?

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 15:58

you wouldn’t put your feet up on a sofa with shoes on because ppl sit on it why is carpet any different or any floor in the home …if the shoes ain’t coming off you ain’t coming in

BIossomtoes · 28/04/2024 16:04

Carpets are for walking on. 🤷‍♀️

TeaPleaseX · 28/04/2024 16:05

@BernardBlacksBreakfastWine Yes I am. I don't like shoes being worn in the house. I think it's nasty as I said. Are you a grown up too? Do you always find it hard that some one may have a different view to something?
Bit strange but okay.
If your happy to traipse dirt and grime in from outside, around your home. Then do it 😳. Grim.

Kalevala · 28/04/2024 16:05

BIossomtoes · 28/04/2024 16:04

Carpets are for walking on. 🤷‍♀️

And sitting on, and for babies and children to play on.

NoisySnail · 28/04/2024 16:05

@blossomtoes No you are supposed to float. Anything else is just rude.

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 16:06

TeaPleaseX · 28/04/2024 16:05

@BernardBlacksBreakfastWine Yes I am. I don't like shoes being worn in the house. I think it's nasty as I said. Are you a grown up too? Do you always find it hard that some one may have a different view to something?
Bit strange but okay.
If your happy to traipse dirt and grime in from outside, around your home. Then do it 😳. Grim.

💯

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 16:07

BIossomtoes · 28/04/2024 16:04

Carpets are for walking on. 🤷‍♀️

Without shoes yes

BIossomtoes · 28/04/2024 16:08

Kalevala · 28/04/2024 16:05

And sitting on, and for babies and children to play on.

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Not in this house. Anyone who sits on our carpet has to accept that they’re walked on in shoes. There are plenty of chairs and sofas.

Abra1t · 28/04/2024 16:09

BernardBlacksBreakfastWine · 28/04/2024 13:21

These threads are weirdly fascinating.

Firstly, of course, there’s the confrontational ‘I’m cleaner than you’ contingent, throwing around insults about how people who wear shoes in the house have dirty houses. Very childish.

Then there are the people (on both sides of the debate) who cannot believe that anyone ever entertains the idea of doing things differently from them, and we have minds blowing all over the shop. Equally childish!

Meanwhile, I suspect that most of us, in fact, operate with a degree of common sense on this issue. So, for example, I have hard wood floor downstairs and am not too precious about shoes, but if it’s been raining and visitors are likely to be muddy, I’d prefer shoes off. And I’d definitely prefer shoes off to go upstairs as we have carpet there.

Although cultural norms differ, most people in the UK can’t have failed to realise that the tendency to expect shoe removal is relatively recent. My elderly aunt still looks at you funny if you take shoes off on arrival. This is because she grew up with cold floors more than anything!

There also is a class element to some extent. In traditional large well-to-do homes, people a) used to be fairly formal in dress so didn’t slip around in slippers b) had someone else to clean the floors so weren’t too worried.

But, seriously, a bit of common sense goes a long way here.

People my mother's age (86) would never offer to take their shoes off. She lives in a city, doesn't walk that much now. But I can't remember it ever being a thing in our house in suburban London. Adults kept their shoes on as nobody wanted to see their socks. Being seen in slippers was a bit off unless you were a child, ill or sick.

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 16:09

BIossomtoes · 28/04/2024 16:08

Not in this house. Anyone who sits on our carpet has to accept that they’re walked on in shoes. There are plenty of chairs and sofas.

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Babies crawl ? No way would I let ppl wear shoes in my house

BIossomtoes · 28/04/2024 16:12

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 16:09

Babies crawl ? No way would I let ppl wear shoes in my house

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Good for you. I can’t remember the last time there was a baby in this house.

PrimalLass · 28/04/2024 16:12

Who cares? There's a shoes on/off thread almost weekly on here. Just hoover afterwards.

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 16:14

PrimalLass · 28/04/2024 16:12

Who cares? There's a shoes on/off thread almost weekly on here. Just hoover afterwards.

Nope what about dirty shoes from being wet outside ….shoes defo coming off in my porch

PrimalLass · 28/04/2024 16:21

Doormats exist.

Obviously I'm not trekking through the house with muddy wellies but I'm also not bothered about walking on my hard floors with normal shoes. I have a retriever so it would be a pointless exercise.

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 16:25

PrimalLass · 28/04/2024 16:21

Doormats exist.

Obviously I'm not trekking through the house with muddy wellies but I'm also not bothered about walking on my hard floors with normal shoes. I have a retriever so it would be a pointless exercise.

I know door mats exist….look I have OCD so don’t like the mat getting dirty either sorry that’s just me …but I get each to their own

ZsaZsaTheCat · 28/04/2024 16:25

CheerUpFFS · 26/04/2024 22:11

This has stunned me! I couldn't imagine ever leaving my shoes on in someone else's home, they're filthy? They have been outside and that's getting worn in on the floors and the carpets. And to the poster asking about emergency services no I'd not expect them or anyone working like an estate agent or anything to take them off, but friends and family who can see my home is immaculate should imo. I'd be mortified if I somehow forgot and left my shoes on over a friends nice floors or carpet!

I think you’re ridiculous, but to enter into your fantasy world, why are estate agents exempt ? 😆😆

My personal take is I like hard floors downstairs in communal areas for this very reason. Only upstairs is carpeted and shoes come off to go upstairs.

If the King visited your house would you ask him to take his shoes off ? No ? -then don’t ask me, I’m a guest. What do you think a welcome mat is for, or is yours an ‘unwelcome mat’ 😆

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 16:26

ZsaZsaTheCat · 28/04/2024 16:25

I think you’re ridiculous, but to enter into your fantasy world, why are estate agents exempt ? 😆😆

My personal take is I like hard floors downstairs in communal areas for this very reason. Only upstairs is carpeted and shoes come off to go upstairs.

If the King visited your house would you ask him to take his shoes off ? No ? -then don’t ask me, I’m a guest. What do you think a welcome mat is for, or is yours an ‘unwelcome mat’ 😆

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Yes I would defo ask the king to take off his shoes 💯 why not ?

Kalevala · 28/04/2024 16:28

If the King visited your house would you ask him to take his shoes off ? No ? -then don’t ask me, I’m a guest. What do you think a welcome mat is for, or is yours an ‘unwelcome mat’ 😆

I wouldn't ask an elderly person as they may need shoes. Wouldn't treat Charlie any different to my nan though.