Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

She sexually assaulted him. Why are you minimising that?

What if his rapist has mental health issues?

And people have outed his rapist.

I keep wondering this! Why is no one hunting the pervert down? Baffled

Pm sent 👍

Again, she sexually assaulted him. Why is she not a pervert?

And again, the rapist has been outed.

Surely SF now being named with no evidence by all these people determined to out who the abuser was is another form of stalking? What if it's not him?

Thinking about it more, I also think it’s… not great to cheer Gadd on for exposing his abusers in this way. I think a lot of the viewers are putting themselves in his shoes as the victim and feeling vicariously avenged, but... should a global streaming series be used as justice/revenge? I’m not doubting that Gadd was really stalked, but this could also be done by someone who is not telling the truth, or who is putting a spin on things. It’s incredibly messed up to facilitate a witch hunt with a TV show, I’m not convinced it’s a righteous thing even when the story is true and the targets are “bad people”.

Also, how can we know what is real and what is not? The show is fiction or true to reality depending on what suits its creators at different times. For example, some changes were indeed made, in the show Martha goes to prison several times but it seems like her real-life inspiration didn’t. What other changes were made while keeping her easily identifiable? Is it true that she also sexually assaulted him, or was that artistic license? Should we even be asking these questions? It’s morally dubious that the show did not commit to being a documentary OR proper fiction.

Weirdly, I wonder if keeping identity details in was a way to prevent being sued for libel - if you change some details but fictionalize other stuff, then it is still identifiable to the person portrayed, who can say that the fictionalized stuff is libellous/defamatory. But if the tweets etc are all publicly available, that's your truth defence right there.

Link please ? This is intriguing

@YouwouldthinkIhavemoresense what is to be gained from sharing the profile of a woman who hasn't been confirmed by anyone to be Martha?

This in spades . I stopped watching after the episodes with him in it . Pure evil

Presumably he needs material for a second series.

Who is SF? Can someone tell me?

SPOILER ALERT - his father implies heavily that he was raped himself in childhood by a priest. Gadd says he didn't want to tell them in case they thought having been raped made him less of a man, and his father said something like, 'Would you think me less of a man if it happened to me? I was raised Roman Catholic,' and then his mother shuts the conversation down as she can tell her husband doesn't want to discuss it.

If he only had 1 stalker im sure his stalker would figure out it was her! Lol

Oh I see, thank you for explaining

👏🏻 That explains it very well

I guess Nicholas Billingham should have been afraid that a woman would kill him, he might not have ended up buried in the garden.

I'm sorry you went through that.
I have to say though that I have also been stalked and being open about it really helped me. Alot of these people try and control you through shame and guilt. You feel like you have to live your life in secret.
For me as a result of my experience with a stalker I am MORE open.. I share more on social media and everything is public.
It's a personal choice of course but for me that was how I let go of feelings of shame and felt freer.
Everyone is different. We mustn't blame victims for the behaviour of their abusers. And it is abuse however sorry we feel for Martha and her issues it doesn't mean what she was doing wasn't abusive.
At the end of the day it's not about your behaviour. It's like saying women get rapes because they dress provocatively and encourage men..
People have a right to talk openly about their own experiences and feelings.. it doesn't justify anyone abusing them.
If people do not want their behaviour to be common knowledge then they shouldn't behave shittly in the first place.
As far as I'm concerned the minute someone intentionally harms you they do not deserve privacy from you.
I not only had experiences of stalking but also of domestic violence and I wish I'd had the strength to talk about it openly because it wouldn't have gone on for so long.. but the guilt and shame and the sense I had to keep his secrets and protect his privacy abd state of mind, weighed so heavily on me.
Not any more. I name and shame and will openly discuss what happened to me. If everyone did that people would get help faster.. both the victim and the perpetrator. There's no use in trying to cover things up.
It's important to tell these stories through art as well.

I find it really disturbing that so many people are gleefully pulling apart and criticising the response of someone who has been stalked.

A woman wouldn't make a tv show about it for fear of reprisal... okay? And? He clearly, thankfully, felt safe enough to do this, and that's a good thing. Just because a man isn't behaving in the same way a woman would doesn't make his response wrong. He has every right to talk about his past experiences, as a victim of a crime. It's interesting people feel emboldened to criticise how a victim of stalking has dealt with it.

Should he have to live in fear forever, keeping it in the shadows? Would anyone want his stalker to continue to have that hold over him? Why?

The stalker could have gone private on her profiles and ignore it, set up a new profile, but she seems pretty gleeful about responding to it publicly. Posting about how she has never heard of this man, then in the next breath how he once asked her out... trying to slander his character with stories, she's obviously relishing the attention. People found her but she chose to reply publicly and has barely shut up since.

If you've never been stalked you have no right to say someone else who has gone through such a horrifying experience hasn't reacted in the way you think you would. And if you have? That's awful, but it doesn't mean everyone reacts in the exact same way.

Based on what I’ve seen online, people have been trying to identify both. She was rather predatory as well!

she violently attacked at least two people if the show is to be believed let alone other victims. you have no idea about quantifying her threat

@jengachampion I get that interpretation, but then he should just be honest about it instead of saying he took care to preserve her anonymity and ask people not to look her up because she’s vulnerable

I’m guessing many of the things he has said have been ‘modified somewhat’ by Netflix lawyers who probably have all of this covered in an agreement with him and review and modify prior to him releasing statements. So, he probably took the action that he needed for ‘peace’ but can’t entirely be open about that due to contractual restrictions.

If the show is to be believed.
If the show is to be believed he is giving out more information on her than a man who repeatedly drugged him and raped him too. He isn't trying to protect anyone from that threat.

The woman on FB is definitely her she's posted about him. Saying he asked her out and stalked her.

She's posted multiple times :(

It's all very sad.

Well the show was predominantly about Donny and his stalker, so of course there’s more detail about her personality and more information on her!

SF also appeared in Brass Eye.

The show in Baby Reindeer was Cotton mouth.