Baby Reindeer creator is provoking his stalker

[jengachampion]

SPOILERS AHEAD
I’ll preface this by saying I had a male stalker for 7 years. I moved, changed jobs, and deleted all social media in that time. I’m also a survivor of SA, as well as assault after being spiked, similar to RG in the show.

It completely baffles me that he would completely replicate his stalker down to physical likeness, occupation, accent, exact correspondences and references like hanging curtains.

He is clearly not too worried about people finding the real person, as well as her potentially contacting him again.

If it were me telling my story, I would change all identifying details of both of us, because I would NEVER want to go through it again. RG telling his story this way is hugely weird to me and really speaks to the theme of mutual obsession he hints at in the show.

Whatever the crime, all fault lies with the perpetrators.

100 percent that!!!!!

I seem to be one of the people to think he's a narcissistic martyr.

I find him to be hugely unlikeable.

I have to agree.

Try and think of it like this.... Its taken me the best part of 10 years to feel remotely safe because of what that man did and how he chose to behave. Because I went to the police....i went to the police 8 times. I wasnt taken seriously... Because he was a 'happily married family man so why would he be stalking you?!'. Exactly... Why would he. I then found out his brother was a police sergeant and he had put a harassment warning on MY record because he had told them it was me harassing him. and he was automatically believed...male privilege, no? He was believed first time and was lying through his teeth while I was shaking and hiding every time my door went. I then had to fight like hell to be believed, get my name cleared and an apology from higher up in the police and a harrasment notice served to him. That's not worth the paper it's written on and me having to hope that he is finally going to leave me alone.... And get therapy for years as well as having to avoid jobs with the public in case one day I bump into him.

And then you read someone saying that men aren't taken seriously and shouting women down. Imagine how ridiculous that sounds

No one is saying any victim of either gender shouldn't report or not be taken seriously.

If you really are sincere in your well wishes to me, I hope you take on board my post..... It was not in any way easy for me to relive writing it

As to the transgender character, I thought that plotline was beautifully acted and that Nava Mau was, like Jessica Gunning, convincing and nuanced in the role.
Gadd's own sexual confusion, internalised homophobia, bisexuality following his assault, feeling of emasculation, trans attraction and shame: all of that was incredibly honest to put out there.
I was pleasantly surprised he hadn't had backlash for that (in the play his feelings towards his female-presenting partner having a penis are more explicit). His real-life boundaries (in allegedly going on a date with a trans actor auditioning for the part) still need work though. The man needs protecting from himself.

I think you have did well to write that. Shall we just agree that abusers are generally cr@p??

I do think we could do more to believe male victims, but that in no way detracts from your experience which is sounds awful.

Raging for you.

It was awful, yes.... and if you'd just said that, without still bringing men into it, it would've landed even better

Thank you... I wasn't going to share that but assuming that poster is genuine, I hope it offered a perspective not previously considered. Years fighting and wasting my life because a man was taken more seriously

It is scary but I can believe it. I am so so sorry that happened to you.
I once rang the police regarding an abusive relative.
It was swept under the carpet/not followed up because they knew each other/were in the freemasons together.
I'd like to believe that three decades on, things are changing but the police responses to the vigils held for Sarah Everard just made me despair.

Yeah hard not to feel angry at that story tbh. I do think it takes a lot of courage to write about it though. I hope he got some punishment?

Then remember that every time you post saying men have it worse than women. Every victim should be supported, every victim. But it is still very much a man's world, as my story illustrates.

And no, just the harassment notice which basically means nothing. Its nothing more than a superficial slap on the wrist. His wife believed him and stood behind him as it was easier to believe I was some 'crazy woman obsessed with him' and I then received abuse from her too. I was only finally taken seriously when an officer witnessed him following me himself. I was 'lucky' that happened as then after that, and me making a complaint to the IOPC, he was finally spoken to.

At the time, I was incredibly relieved to finally be believed. Now, years on, I'm furious...it still took a man witnessing it for me to be taken seriously and believed.

I think as awful as your story is, there are still challenges faced by male victims of abuse. But two things can be true at once.

1. your experience is awful and represents a horrible failure in the system. 2 many men have bad experiences too and face unique challenges also (as shown in BR)

Think that just about covers it.

I feel like I just upset myself sharing my vulnerability for absolutely nothing then but at least I know I've tried everything to try and get you to understand what so many pp are saying to you. It wasn't a woe is me story, it was to illustrate that we are still in a patriarchal society

Literally no one has said every victim shouldn't be supported. You're arguing to an echo chamber

Yes they should put that on the Netflix blurb 'The Story Of A Narcissistic Martyr' with a penchant for Class As

@Lalor my God, that sounds horrendous. I'm so sorry you went through that.

Yeah I just don't think one horrible experience negates another. I have sympathy for you, but I also feel sorry for male victims also who are told to "man up" or enjoy female abuse. I'm not sure engaging with you is helpful here. I do wish you well.

ewww - that makes me think even less of him.

I don’t think it’s belittling to RG and other men going through stalking and other kids abuse to say that men and women experience stalking or abuse differently.

I have recently done some work with people fleeing domestic abuse who are wheelchair users. I was part of a small project group as we identified an unmet need - especially with access to refuges. That group of people (mainly female but a few males) certainly had different challenges, especially when they were being abused by their “carer”. It’s not helpful to argue women have privilege. Overall, as a group, women are disadvantaged due to the prolonged and sustained ingrained issues in society. On an individual level, one particular male may have much harder life circumstances, of course.

Jesus christ 'I just dont think one horrible experience negates the other' - NO ONE IS SAYING IT DOES. The point was, there are a MILLION mes, it's not ONE experience

I'm stepping away for a bit as it's actually upsetting me now and it's not worth it

Could you just stop.

There is no justification for being dismissive towards this poster.

Thank you

Differently seems true. It happens to women a lot more, but the offshoot of that is that the few men it happens to have a harder time being believed because it's more rare.

The different personal circumstances is a major factor too I agree, like having a relative in the police who enables predatory behavior. I suspect white victims are more likely to be trusted than POC too.

He's doing it on purpose, @Lalor
I'm so sorry.

Thank you. I initially thought that and then thought I'd give the benefit of the doubt in case it's just ignorance. I'm hoping maybe my sharing what I did makes someone else reading think and then it was worth my vulnerability