To hate Broken Homes

[MintTraybake]

Why does everyone think that a "Broken Home" is worse than staying in an abusive/loveless partnership?

I find it so gross 😬

Why on earth anyone would think blindly staying together for children is more beneficial than their children experiencing healthy relationships or healthy singledom is absolutely beyond me!

Ignoring the financial aspect - why would anyone bother!?!?!

*YABU - Broken homes are the worst
*YANBU - Healthy homes are best

@MintTraybake your poll is for the same question

"YABU - Broken homes are the worst
YANBU - Healthy homes are best"

.... its the same question in reverse like "do you want ice cream /there's ice cream if you want some"

😂 I'm not laughing at you but your not going to get honest responses as most people bounce of others circumstance so "I left an abusive relationship" would have a poll like "yabu - a broken home is the worst' or 'yanbu - a broken home is not the worst"

by “Broken home are the worst”- it’s supposed to be from the perspective of someone who says “broken homes” are single parents.
aka - don’t break your home: stay regardless of the circumstance.

Healthy homes are the best - supposed to be from the perspective that a split fsmily/single parent home isn’t the worst, and people don’t have to stay for the children’s sake if they are abused/sad/miserable.

I really didn’t think the way I wrote it was hard to comprehend but I’m clearly mistaken.
I’ll have to do better next time 🤣

I’ve had it said to me, implied, And have read it here, including on this thread.
also what people say to one’s face isn’t necessarily what they say behind closed doors. it’s an out dates term that hopefully does out soon!

Codswallop. My father leaving for his OW was the most worthwhile thing he'd done for years. It wasn't detrimental to me (I was nine) and there's no masking involved.

Sounds like you expect women to endure loveless, miserable marriages.

And as a PP said, going to a strip bar is using women as sex objects. It's abuse, and more than enough reason to dump him.

As a single parent in an area where that's still not very common, I've had many direct & indirect comments about my situation which have been thoughtless and sometimes hurtful.

Never have I heard, or felt implied, the term 'broken home'.

I think OP is wildly over-stating a fairly redundant term that isn't used or thought about much (and being very snippy with posters who find her post understandably confusing)

There are, IME, many judgments proffered on single mothers still, unfortunately. Not this however.

@Beezknees here you go. And other people have quoted it too from other posts. HTH.

And that's your experience - very glad for you that you don't have that negative projection put onto your situation.

I did address this above, where the use of "Everyone" is clearly an exaggeration.... clearly its not everyone, as I as the OP don't feel this way, its nuanced.

So you're saying that some of comments/posters on this thread has misread the original post and have argued against what I wrote even though we want the same thing? How unexpected and ironic for Mumsnet.

Im not quite sure what on earth is going on, however... staying together when the relationship is toxic, or broken in some way is stupid.

I did it for besy part of 10 years, and it damaged all of us. Getting out, being a single parent, and being able to build an amicable co-parenting relationship with my Ex has benefited everyone (well, me and the kids, he is miserable but has only his shitty behaviour to blame) and we're all much more happy.

Glad your situation worked out well :)
I agree - staying together just for the sake of the children is not my idea of a happy home either.

I dont know anyone who talks this way,
I've been divorced for 9 years, my sons father and I have worked hard to create a happy and safe cop parenting relationship, with 50/50 shared care where our now almost 12 yo son feels safe and secure.

Im happily single, just bought my first home, his father is remarried to a fabulous woman who adores our boy.

Yes it's sometimes hard having two homes but better than a really unhappy mum.

YABU - your poll is broken.

Why does everyone think that a "Broken Home" is worse than staying in an abusive/loveless partnership?

They don't...

I beg to differ. You literally see it posted on MN daily. 'I don't want my kids to have a broken home'.

A home can be broken in many ways.

Happy parents = Happy children
Miserable unhappy parents = Not so much Happy children.

I used to wish my parents would separate when I was a kid because they brought out the worst in each other. They didn’t get on but stayed together because they were stuck financially. It’s wasn’t a nice environment to be brought up in.

No one can tell me that my childhood was better because my parents stayed together!! It was awful!

Thanks for the helpful input. I can’t change it now as it will mean the comments are not reflective of what I wrote.

the use of the word “everyone” is clearly a sweeping generalization. Does it feel better if I say “some people”?

Must do better next time.

I'd even disagree with "some people"

I do not know anyone who would suggest that a DV situation is better than a single life situation? With or without kids.

Maybe I'm just from a different life than you

I feel slightly different to a lot of posters on this thread. I think a lot of women actually do stay in relationships they're not happy in just for their children. (DV / abusive relationships are NOT included in this statement)
A lot of people get comfortable and don't want to uproot their children's lives if they can help it - and would rather stay in the normality they've known for years than leave if their situation in their opinions is not "exceptionally bad"
Single parent homes can absolutely work, and be happy and functional, but it doesn't stop the hard-wired belief that children should have a 2 parent household, that a lot of women (and men) still do share.

very glad for you that you don't have that negative projection put onto your situation.

Well yes, it's my experience (surely that's all anyone can talk about here - including you).

But you are missing my wider point. Unfortunately I have experienced judgement and pretty unpleasant patronising approaches too - but never have heard the phrase 'broken home'. About me or others.

So my point was really - even where there are judgmental situations, 'broken home' is not something I have experienced and one which you are undoubtedly over-stating. Your posts purporting to give examples aren't quite doing that.

Why on earth anyone would think blindly staying together for children is more beneficial than their children experiencing healthy relationships or healthy singledom is absolutely beyond me!

Even from your OP, this is an over-simplification. There are many people who agonise about separating, with DC in mind. This might be to do with what they perceive their DC will lose, in terms of a family set-up, the type of lifestyle they might not have, the practical implications of having to share custody of their children. That's not 'blindly' doing anything - it's a completely natural worry and consideration that many separating couples will have.

And if the relationship you are leaving (as mine was) is abusive and damaging, the idea that there's a possibility of a healthy relationship or that you can feel happy again, when single, seems hard to believe.

I'm not arguing with you that the idea that staying together no matter what is not a good approach, but I am taking issue with your sweeping generalisations that this is somehow typical. It's not. And the 'broken home' terminology is definitely anachronistic.