To hate Broken Homes

[MintTraybake]

Why does everyone think that a "Broken Home" is worse than staying in an abusive/loveless partnership?

I find it so gross 😬

Why on earth anyone would think blindly staying together for children is more beneficial than their children experiencing healthy relationships or healthy singledom is absolutely beyond me!

Ignoring the financial aspect - why would anyone bother!?!?!

*YABU - Broken homes are the worst
*YANBU - Healthy homes are best

I know lots of people in real life who think a "broken home" is a bad thing. But by broken home they mean single parent.

I've been told that my ex and I should have stayed together "for the children" more than once. Breaking up wasn't my choice! But actually, long term I'm much happier. My dc are happier.

The phrase "broken home" is nasty and implies that single parent families are lesser.

this is the type of person and situation I am
rederrinh to hearing about over and over again @silenttwin . So if you don’t experience this; then it’s really great that people around you are so progressive and not hurtful.

My experience , plus this persons,
plus another on the thread is sadly different to yours.

Ya know sometimes when it feels the world is against you? And “everyone” hates you and “everyone” thinks this and everyone thinks that? It’s quite difficult not to feel that way when people are dismissive and just tell you to get over it. It’s not necessarily referring to everyone you’re surrounded by - but enough to make you feel sht and make others feel sht.

Thats what the post meant. Enough people to make you think twice about it.

👏👏 agreed

Literally people commenting it in this thread say it and mean it 😂

The reality is that there are no perfect outcomes in many situations. Only the least worst. Family breakdown does adversely affect children but it's often not clear that unhappily staying together would have been any better.

And some may disagree but I don't necessarily think that women should always be expected to do what is best for the children in every single situation. Mostly, yes, but there are some lines to do with personal autonomy that should not be crossed. For example, the kids might prefer it if their mum and dad stayed together, but if that means their mum will be expected to have frequent unwanted sex or (less serious but still bad) turn a blind eye to her partner cheating on her, then I'm afraid the mum's wellbeing comes first in those situations imo.

I missed out the “” in the title. Does that help? I did it in the main body but not the title and didn’t amend.

Oh ffs a healthy home can have none - 100 parents in

a broken home can have two parents who are millionaires in and housekeepers and staff

grow up

Is this AI again?

This

My former relationship was broken, but my home isn't, my home is a happy, safe place bursting with love ❤️

What a stupid and unpleasant response.

People do think this. I come from a family where my parents imagine divorce is a huge stigma; being a single mum is shameful.

This callous 'ooh, no one thinks this' is so unhelpful.

I think it’s that broken homes is an outdated and inaccurate term. Broken relationships would be better. If there was a short term for parents continuing toxic relationships to the detriment of their children, that would be better still

Thanks for your perspective- you’ve definitely articulated that well!

There is an obligation as a parent to put our children first - understandably - but being miserable for your whole life is not what is meant by that.
👏

👏👏👏 power to you.
Very happy for you that you have a happy home as a family :) well done!

Is this to me the OP or?
cos if it is; I don’t think you’ve read my post/comments the right way.
that’s exactly what I’m saying….

Been divorced for 16 yrs, didn't see our home as too broken. Times were hard when my 2 were younger, now we are just fine as we are.

Really ? I have been with DH 26 years there is no way I would throw that away because he went to strip club.How odd..

Everyone has different standards. If it were me, I'd consider my partner had 'thrown it all away' by going to a strip club. I wouldn't be blaming myself in the least for having upheld basic standards. Indeed, I'd consider myself a poor parent for exposing my children to that sort of person.

I think there is a middle ground. No one should stay in an abusive relationship ever and that would be horrific for the children too.

However, I do think it's become too common to have children with people willy nilly and multiple children by multiple partners. I do think too many people have children then scuttle off out of the relationship and play pass the child every week.

I think it's more nuanced of course. A brief review of the literature suggests a lot of potential negative outcomes for children of divorce so it's about how to not break our kids, which may mean leaving sometimes.

YABVU for using the term "broken home"

I don’t think a broken home refers to divorced parents in and of itself. I appreciate in the past that’s what it referred to but I think most people understand there’s more nuance now.

As others have said sometimes splitting up can create a more stable environment for children depending on the circumstances.

A chaotic home(s) with a merry go round of new step parents and biological parents who are more interested in new partners than their children is a broken home.

There is evidence that two parent outcomes create better outcomes for children, and I think we do society a disservice to pretend that’s not the case, but again, it does depend on the circumstances.

I grew up in a broken home and find the term so offensive I’m making a list:

• my home was broken (dysfunctional) when my parents were married. It was just a different kind of dysfunctional afterwards.

• the stigma of a broken home makes it more difficult for women (and men) to leave toxic, controlling and abusive relationships

• The burden of blame for ‘breaking’ a home seems to rest more heavily on the woman.

• It perpetuates the myth that bad behaviour in a marriage should be tolerated.

• Children can feel ashamed of ‘being from a broken home’.

• it places ‘unbroken’ homes on a moral pedestal and the emotional cost of keeping a family under one roof can be very high and more detrimental than a split.

• the negative phraseology obscures and devalues the love, happiness, comfort, safety and fun to be had in a single parent household.

• it assumes that the family unit within a broken home is not complete in its own right.

• Till death do us part is a commitment of love, not a life sentence. When the love has died or the relationship has died, it’s time to part.

Right, that’s all for now.

Ofcourse more nuanced; but it’s impossible to target every eventuality in a small post like the original.

i do tend to agree - I also see quite a lot
of relationships end in the very early years of childhood. Then the non-resident
parent usually gets to go off and
do what they want for up
to 26 nights a month and hardly “sharing the difficulties” of child rearing.

Life is just more difficult when you’re under more pressure; and I just don’t feel extra pressure isn’t needed from judgey people saying to stay together just because.

Very valid points. Can resonate with a
good few of those 👏
all just trying to cause as little damage as possible