My Mother Said She Wouldn't Die For Me.

[LostSoul89]

Morning all!

I've contemplated posting this for days but feared I'd look stupid. The back story is, me, my mum and my 18 year old daughter were watching a film the other night where hostages were being held at gun point and two of them were mother and son. The mother begged for her life to be taken to save her sons.

My daughter asked me if I'd do that for her, to which I replied "Of course, no doubt about it DD" . My daughter then asked my mum if she would do the same for me, to which she hastily replied "No". We thought she was joking at first but she was adamant she would put herself first. I got quite upset and said I would rather she had just lied to me.

It's not even the first time she's shown how selfish she is - two weeks ago I was staying at hers overnight and we thought we heard an intruder and she practically pushed me down the stairs to go and check! To add insult to injury - my mum is a fit, young 60 year old and I have disabilities that require a walking stick to walk.

Some people might think I'm being pathetic but I'm so hurt, I can stop thinking about what she said to me. I could maybe understand if I was a douche bag of a daughter but I'm not.

AIBU?

Your mum is awful. Of course she should expect to die to save you. That's what being a parent is. If you don't want to do that, don't have kids. It's not that hard.

Normally, no. But your mother or father is your parent and should be prepared to make that call IMO.

You’re making a massive issue out of nothing. I wouldn’t expect my mum to this for me now that I am an adult. And regardless, it’s a fictitious scenario. Focus on the good in your relationship and appreciate what you’ve got.

It’s hardly a new thought to state that some ppl are prejudiced or rank others is it? Heck I saw a study once about parents strapping in better looking babies/children in to trollies more.
Another one where parents care and pay closer attention to good-looking children compared to less attractive- look them up!

Anyway later in the thread op was saying the gm would not do it for the grand daughter either,

This absolutely. When people show you who they are believe them. Just be aware of it.

@NewMe2024 I'd need a microscope to find the good in our relationship!

Would she die for anyone else?

Oh sweetheart, your feelings are valid. Some parents just don't have the skillset to be parents.

If that's the way your mother feels so be it. At least you now know what she's like for sure. But other people will and do value you.

Yeah she'd thrive in a Petri dish.

I dunno! I have a big strapping 24 year old and I would certainly sacrifice my life in that situation! He has his whole life ahead of him.

My kids are now in their early 40s, with little kids of their own. I'd STILL die for any one of them.

From the poet Mary Oliver:

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift

Then I would simply accept that you can expect nothing more than what you have consistently had from her all your life. She hasn't changed; and there is a kind of freedom to be had when you understand that she never will.

When did I say I expect them to run around after me? None of us need much looking after, but they're more likely to be able to help me with something than the other way round nowadays.

@toomanyy She didn't say

😱

I have never really thought about whether my parents would die for me or not but I know 100% I’d die for my kids no matter what age they are. I see it as I’ve had over 20 years more of life than they have and I’d want them to have more time. I wouldn’t think twice about it.

No, abelism is not a "new thought". It doesn't make it right or any of the other "prejudiced" or "ranking" you mention. If the OP's mother actually thought like that she would be a worse person not a better person so why say it unless you are trying to upset OP?

Bear in mind that if you are autistic then there is a reasonable chance your mother may well also be even if not diagnosed.

Good points, it is an interesting subject. You are assuming there are men taking hostages, where as you say, you cannot trust a criminal, ( it is why they say never go to a second quiet location with anyone wielding a weapon, create a scene and fight while you have a chance).

It could be a scenario of pushing someone out the way knowing you could get hit, like Kirsty McColl, except knowing for sure it would be fatal.

Or it assumes a fight, disaster, or similar where you risk your life to save your DCs. My adult DC can run much faster than me and are physically very able. They would not need me to sacrifice my life for them. They can look after themself better than I could look after them. I would hold them back and just be encouraging them to look after themselves and not worry about me.

My mum would, as I have young children.

I think it's more the concept of wanting to protect children. Not adults.

When I was little, she'd have given her life for me. To save me/the young child. Now I'm older, she wouldn't give her life for me, more that she'd give her life so my small children weren't motherless. If I didn't have young DC, I'm not sure what she'd do.

🤯🤯🤯

How do you know what your mum would do now or when you were a child?

MrsDoubtfire24 I did believe someone was down there and actually grabbed a pair of scissors from the landing drawer to take down with me. My daughters were asleep in the next room and I didn't want to give anyone a chance to get to them. Her comments were not a joke at all

Nonsense. You honestly thought there was an intruder in your home but neither you or your mother thought to ring the police?

The whole thread is ridiculous.