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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do some people let their children behave so badly?

165 replies

Hikingqueen · 24/04/2024 17:02

Examples I have seen or see on a regular basis.

Children pushing in queues and the parents standing by doing nothing. Such as queuing for the slide at the swimming pool and people allowing their children to barge to the front of the queue.

Parents have been asked by school repeatedly not to let their children scoot or ride bikes in the school playground. Yet every day there are children zooming around nearly crashing into people.

Parents letting their kids run in the road and meekly saying "watch the road" when the kids have already run into the road.

Recently at a sports club my child attends, some young who should have been supervised children badly and deliberately vandalised property.

Letting children run around in car parks even though this is dangerous with cars moving around.

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

Letting children run riot in supermarkets running up and down the aisles with trolleys bumping into people.

I've had to step in on more than one occasion over the years where a child has pushed in front my child or seen a child doing something very dangerous and have had a mouthful of abuse to thank for it.

OP posts:
LauraSaidIShouldBeNicer · 24/04/2024 17:03

Not my circus not my monkeys... Is that the right saying?

notthatperson · 24/04/2024 17:05

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

You have NO IDEA what's going on in their life

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 24/04/2024 17:05

They are useless parents.

Irishmama100 · 24/04/2024 17:06

Because they are shit parents and are bringing up entitled little shits. Society is going to bucked when these brats grow up🙈

OhmygodDont · 24/04/2024 17:07

Because they are shit parents who would rather have an easy life. Fortunately for most it bites them on the arse when the children become uncontrollable teenagers. Sadly though they tend to breed the same and repeat 😓

JudgeJ · 24/04/2024 17:07

notthatperson · 24/04/2024 17:05

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

You have NO IDEA what's going on in their life

Early for the excuses!

OhmygodDont · 24/04/2024 17:08

notthatperson · 24/04/2024 17:05

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

You have NO IDEA what's going on in their life

Not boundaries 😂

Chaosx3x · 24/04/2024 17:08

I agree OP. The sense of entitlement from a lot of parents is shocking.

Now waiting for posters to come on and claim that all these children in question are probably ND (and I say that as a SEN mum myself).

Hikingqueen · 24/04/2024 17:09

notthatperson · 24/04/2024 17:05

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

You have NO IDEA what's going on in their life

I knew someone would say this. You don't know what I do or don't know or what my relationship is to the child.

What about all the other examples

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 24/04/2024 17:10

A variety of reasons.

But - you see adults behaving similarly so no surprise. Pushing in front of others to get a seat on the train, trying to sneak their order in at the bar, verbally abusing people etc

Spendonsend · 24/04/2024 17:11

I think most children are well-behaved most of the time.

Its just those that arent have a big impact so you notice them.

Hikingqueen · 24/04/2024 17:13

Honestly I love children and I'm not generally one for complaining about children's behaviour. I get it that children struggle.

But this is about the parents just allowing them to completely run riot and not even trying to take some control of the situation or supervise them.

How can they learn if the parents don't even step in and bloody parent?

OP posts:
ThursdayTomorrow · 24/04/2024 17:13

notthatperson · 24/04/2024 17:05

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

You have NO IDEA what's going on in their life

Their behaviour still needs to be addressed though. It is NOT okay to hit, swear or walk out of class.
I think this is part of the problem of deteriorating behaviour in schools and society, letting unacceptable behaviour continue incase the child is upset.
The child needs to learn there are consequences of unacceptable behaviour whatever the cause. Yes, deal with any situations at home too but there still needs to be consequences. It’s in the child’s own, plus society’s, interest to behave with consideration towards others.

thanKyouaIMee · 24/04/2024 17:14

I often think the people my mum thought the same things about 30 years ago must now be raising the children I'm thinking the same things about 😂 it seems to be a vicious cycle!

Some people just don't seem to care and some seem to just excuse the naughtiness with "oh we were all kids once" etc 👀

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 24/04/2024 17:14

No boundaries means easy life. See this with my DB’s kids and my cousin’s kids. Backfired for one relative whose 15 year old is out until 2am drinking on the weekend and whose 18 year old is in rehab for drugs and alcohol (and quit school but hasn’t attended properly in last 2 years anyway). Never had boundaries or rules as kids, went super wild as teenagers.

Nothinglefttosaynow · 24/04/2024 17:14

People in general are so bloody rude I find. But yes kids definitely have more freedom to express themselves now, certainly with my own DD I let things slide more than my own parents would have. I would never allow her to be rude to others or behave dangerously but now we are at pre-teen moodiness I do try to have more patience with her than I want to some days. But being a parent is HARD. You're told constantly to validate them or you're setting them up for a lifetime of mental health and self esteem issues. My own DD was the perfect child & I was very smug about it until she hit 8 then I quickly realised it gets much harder & all the boundaries in the world won't stop tears & mood swings.

Irisginger · 24/04/2024 17:15

Why do some children grow up to be judgey fuckers?

cadburyegg · 24/04/2024 17:16

I've noticed recently that it's the kids who are allowed to play out and cycle on the main roads unsupervised at the age of 7/8, the ones who are allowed to wander on the road and not taught road sense, the ones allowed to scoot in the playground and run over peoples feet, the ones allowed to run up and down aisles in the supermarket and smash trolleys into their siblings, these are the ones who are swearing at teachers and being otherwise disruptive in school.

Mine are NOT angels by any means but I see the behaviour of some kids in public and think maybe they aren't so bad after all!

MonsteraMama · 24/04/2024 17:20

Lazy, passive, ineffective parenting. There are more and more absolutely feral kids than ever before. I pray for the teachers of the future.

Those parents will be here defending it soon saying "um you don't know what's going on in their life though" as if that excuses it.

Hikingqueen · 24/04/2024 17:20

Irisginger · 24/04/2024 17:15

Why do some children grow up to be judgey fuckers?

Is that aimed at me?

Ye I will judge you if you allow your children to vandalise property. How about teaching your children to care for things rather than destroy it. What's the excuse then for a group of children vandalising things? They went into a hired building and destroyed books and artwork and much worse.

Ye I will judge you if you stand and watch your 4 year old run in the road and pathetically say "watch the road" while your kid is in the road 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
AgnesX · 24/04/2024 17:23

notthatperson · 24/04/2024 17:05

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

You have NO IDEA what's going on in their life

And that makes it ok??

OhmygodDont · 24/04/2024 17:25

Hikingqueen · 24/04/2024 17:20

Is that aimed at me?

Ye I will judge you if you allow your children to vandalise property. How about teaching your children to care for things rather than destroy it. What's the excuse then for a group of children vandalising things? They went into a hired building and destroyed books and artwork and much worse.

Ye I will judge you if you stand and watch your 4 year old run in the road and pathetically say "watch the road" while your kid is in the road 🤷‍♀️

Indeed. Don’t judge don’t judge…

Ok well how about you do some parenting and then I can’t judge. Novel idea to some I reckon.

SittingBackAndWatchingTheClowns · 24/04/2024 17:25

OhmygodDont · 24/04/2024 17:07

Because they are shit parents who would rather have an easy life. Fortunately for most it bites them on the arse when the children become uncontrollable teenagers. Sadly though they tend to breed the same and repeat 😓

this

Som parents are bone idle and can't be bothered to discipline their kids. They'll end up regretting it

Hikingqueen · 24/04/2024 17:27

MonsteraMama · 24/04/2024 17:20

Lazy, passive, ineffective parenting. There are more and more absolutely feral kids than ever before. I pray for the teachers of the future.

Those parents will be here defending it soon saying "um you don't know what's going on in their life though" as if that excuses it.

Exactly. I get all children have their moments and all parents can have off days and difficult times.

This isn't about kids with SEN it's parents who just either can't be bothered or have no clue even the basics like hold your child's hand or don't let your child every single day crash into people when you've been repeatedly asked not to.

OP posts:
LaughterLentil · 24/04/2024 17:27

Lazy, passive, ineffective parenting

These are the only 4 words needed

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