Why do some people let their children behave so badly?

[Hikingqueen]

Examples I have seen or see on a regular basis.

Children pushing in queues and the parents standing by doing nothing. Such as queuing for the slide at the swimming pool and people allowing their children to barge to the front of the queue.

Parents have been asked by school repeatedly not to let their children scoot or ride bikes in the school playground. Yet every day there are children zooming around nearly crashing into people.

Parents letting their kids run in the road and meekly saying "watch the road" when the kids have already run into the road.

Recently at a sports club my child attends, some young who should have been supervised children badly and deliberately vandalised property.

Letting children run around in car parks even though this is dangerous with cars moving around.

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

Letting children run riot in supermarkets running up and down the aisles with trolleys bumping into people.

I've had to step in on more than one occasion over the years where a child has pushed in front my child or seen a child doing something very dangerous and have had a mouthful of abuse to thank for it.

If we broke down your criticisms, IMO you are expecting too much. My DC are 17 and 13 so I’m not currently worried about playground queues. Children pushing in for playground equipment it was ever thus I’m afraid. In the scheme of things it is not a massive deal really, same with scooters in the playground, I mean they are playgrounds. Our schools didn’t mind. Car parks sound dangerous but you can’t really change others behaviour only your reaction. I think there is possibly a problem with children being very restricted these days and depending on where you live, I.e low birth rate in your area like mine, there aren’t as many children so they behaviour is not tolerated even though perfectly typical.

I think that children that display childlike behaviour do not all grow up to be problematic teenagers. My DS is an A level student studying Politics, Economics and History, he sometimes used his scooter in the school playground, his sister regularly stayed on her scooter around the local Sainsburys whilst I pulled it not scooting around, they are perfectly respectful and intelligent teenagers.

Clearly no parenting.

@Goldenbear I'm not really talking about playground equipment more things like queues for slides and showers at swimming, Queues in shops or at theme parks.

It is actually extremely bad manners to let your children barge in front of others.

It's also very bad manners to let your children crash into people ankles in the school playground. It's too busy for zooming around and parents are asked not to.

When my DD has a meltdown in public, I have to try and zone out from what other people are thinking. She’s not misbehaving when something triggers her to cry/shout and throw herself to the ground. But some people just see a naughty girl and a mum who should be instantly shutting her up and if I can’t, I’m a shit parent. You can’t always stop a meltdown just like that - sometimes it takes a long time for her to come down from it.

I know your post isn’t about children with SEN, but I know children like my DD get tarred with the same brush. If she has a meltdown in a confined space like a bus for example, you can bet all your money people are judging away!

As a teacher I've come to the conclusion many have simply given up on any kind of parenting.

@Goldenbear you don't think pushing in a queue, in full sight of parents, is a problem?

Because there’s no shame any more and people in public service roles have to tiptoe around their ‘service users’ for fear of being complained about/fired

Queues for theme park rides - how frequently do you go to theme parks for this to be a problem? Yes, it is bloody annoying but it is not a new thing is why I’m trying to illustrate.

i would say that it is unkind to let your children hurt people but scooting in a playground and not hurting people isn’t exactly the end of the world but I suppose if the school has died them not to then it must be a huge problem.

Not just that. That is clearly a child that needs help. Thank God it has a parent who loves him enough to treat him to an ice cream.

I guess psychology is a bit lost on you, probably because your so concerned about what other people do.

If a child behaves badly at school they need to be punished at school for it appropriately. The mess the child has made at school should remain mess at school. Once that child walks out of school and into their home/parents arms they need to know they are on level ground. Why should parents discipline something from school? Mess in school stays mess in school. You wouldn't expect a teacher to discipline something a child had done wrong out of school would you?

You maybe right on a few things. But you obviously have a laid back child who can follow orders easily. Hope for your child's sake they are also able to think for themselves. You need to wind your neck in on some of those points you made.

Because parents should support the school? Or is that a novel concept?

Some will be poor parents.
Some will have complex issues going on their lives.
Some will just be having a bad day.
Some will be ND
Some will be developmentally behind due to Covid.

But it's great fun to watch from a distance and nake assumptions and judgements. 👍

I work in a secondary school where there are after school activities run, which are attended by primary age kids. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve asked parents not to let their waiting children climb all over the gardens and break branches off bushes etc. What is wrong with these people? I either get a mouthful, in which case I escalate it with the club provider, or no response when I do talk to the parents. There’s no acknowledgment that their children are being yobbish and behaving inappropriately.

I have just replied, it is not so much that I don’t think it is frustrating and rude but it isn’t a modern thing, it happens when mine were younger so around 2008+. What can you do about it is really the question not much.

My children are well behaved 99% of the time but occasionally they may have an off day or have behaved in a way that isn't usual.
Busy bodies like you will probably see that and think goodness gracious me what an awful child/parent but actually I'm not going to cause a scene and perform to an audience by reprimanding my child in front of everyone for you can all watch.
I will speak to my child in private about their behaviour so we can both understand each other.
If you step in as you put it with your unhelpful views and opinions you will indeed be told to mind your own business or as you put it get a mouthful of abuse.

I hate these bloody judgey threads. MN just love to call every other parent but them lazy parents.

People being their children’s friends rather than parents. They find it easier to take the weak and lazy option. (‘What can I do, she’s a little miss sassy?!’)

Thesr will be the same later asking ‘where the village is’ when no-one apparently wants to get involved with their DC..

Is that what some parents use MN for? So they can brag about their superior parenting. How do you know other parents are not judging your kids? I doubt they are all as perfect as you seem to think they are.

Yeah, but those kids pushing in and breaking the rules will probably be your kids' bosses, won't they? Rules are for others. Didn't Boris teach us that! 😂

Until they run out in front of your car, or push your child into a swimming pool, or your children get no education time because of their behaviour, or they break into your house at 12, or mug your granny at 14, or beat up your daughter at 20. Of course it is of concern to everyone when parents bring up entitled, feral children with no socialisation or boundaries. What a pathetic comment. Part of the problem, actually.

I am on friend terms with my DS and I am his parent, why do the two have to be mutually exclusive or is this the only way to be a parent, to insist on Victorian standards where children are there to be corrected all the time! DS at 17 is funny and charismatic as his younger sister, we have a great relationship.

Parenting use to be rule by fear or do as I say or else. Alot of children growing up from those generations are not being able to identify feelings , process emotions and have significant mh issues due to the impact of that style of parenting.

The problem is a lot of parents haven't found a suitable alternative.

There's blackmail/bribery - can work but not always suitable and relies on offering something better than what the child is doing
Reasoning - only works if you have a child who can rationalise
Reward - only works if you have a child who cares about the reward

Also factor in more two parents working households. Increased stress on parents to juggle it all and stress of money

So a lot of parents have opted for ignore . It's not ideal and doesn't bode well for future generations.

Some parents do not want to deal with their kids being difficult at home so they don't enforce any consequences. I have sat in meetings with parents who
laugh when their kids rude behaviour is described.
Send and receive texts during the meeting
Swear at staff

There are some completely hopeless parents out there.

@NoKnit - Disagree completely. You should definitely be talking about behaviour in school at home, and showing a united front with their teacher/any authority figure…

Unfortunately, there have always been children that have behaved like this and yes they have become dysfunctional adults. What do you propose people do about the situation?

All the people defending- I would have defended too but all of op’s examples are ones where it’s either right or wrong- it’s not people being judged- if they say ‘no x in the playground’ that’s end of, then after that there’s no home situation that can justify someone doing actual damage, a child running into the road you have to tell them there and then you could have been killed! They’re all valid points and need to be dealt with as they happen