Why do some people let their children behave so badly?

[Hikingqueen]

Examples I have seen or see on a regular basis.

Children pushing in queues and the parents standing by doing nothing. Such as queuing for the slide at the swimming pool and people allowing their children to barge to the front of the queue.

Parents have been asked by school repeatedly not to let their children scoot or ride bikes in the school playground. Yet every day there are children zooming around nearly crashing into people.

Parents letting their kids run in the road and meekly saying "watch the road" when the kids have already run into the road.

Recently at a sports club my child attends, some young who should have been supervised children badly and deliberately vandalised property.

Letting children run around in car parks even though this is dangerous with cars moving around.

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

Letting children run riot in supermarkets running up and down the aisles with trolleys bumping into people.

I've had to step in on more than one occasion over the years where a child has pushed in front my child or seen a child doing something very dangerous and have had a mouthful of abuse to thank for it.

Sorry but this simply isn’t true and just sweeping generalisations about past generations and current. I was brought up by liberal parents not permissive but they would never have smacked me, told me off but didn’t shout or ground me or anything like that, this was 80s/90s. I probably have a similar approach and my DC are positive and respectful young people who importantly know about what is kind and unkind. Kindness is key.

Well not just accept it, for starters.
Of course there are children and families that need interventions and help and always have. But bringing up well adjusted and socialised children takes energy and effort. Too many parents are just not prepared to do it and there are no consequences for not.
And I completely agree the examples around them can be as bad. And that starts from the top where breaking rules and being dishonest has become normalised and empathy and conciliation is seen as weakness.

Lazy can't be arsed parenting.

God help society when these kids are the adult generation. They'll still be kicking and screaming on the floor when they don't get a payrise at work....

Same here. There was no fear in our house and I was shouted at twice . I remember it because it was so rare. This was the 80s.

A friend of mine thought I was being ridiculous making my children queue and wait their turn in a theme park years ago. She laughed and said she always actively encouraged her children to push in at the front. Needless to say we didn’t go with them again.

Did you mean to address me with that??

But I wonder how much ‘worse’ this is than when I was younger. My secondary school was akin to Grange Hill, I can’t even mention the worst pupils, lots of fights in the playground, rolling about on the ground punching each other fights. Organised huge fights between different schools. Some quite harsh teachers, some nice ones. Regularly, teenagers bringing knives everywhere with them. I think if people didn’t have a school life that was akin to that they probably had a charmed life so think it is worse.

I doubt most of them will be employable let alone leaders.

More likely be the ones robbing cars and abusing teachers and supermarket staff.

@Goldenbear of course not everyone was it's a generalisation on 80's parenting. Obviously you were a child who had positive role models and responded well to reasoning and this has passed on.

Not every parent has had your experience.

As a teacher, I agree with this too.

I didn't address the other other examples they weren't the ones that pissed me off

It's nothing to do with children having tantrums or meltdowns.

I think most of us would sympathise with the person whose child is screaming in the supermarket.

It's nothing to do with any of that it's blatant can't be arsed parenting.

"You know what kid yeah you've screwed up today I still love you let's have an icecream and chat about it" is different to "oh you punched a kid today no ice cream for you"

Yes but you described how there is not really an alternative style now, I am describing an alternative style that is valid and works but is doesn’t involve being your child’s adversary which I think being strict all the time can veer into.

That's very true, but when other children are being assaulted a line has to be drawn.

Oh please. Badly behaved child, bad parenting.

To add to your list, OP, a child gaily stamping all over a beautiful bed of scillas in Kew Gardens, with parents looking fondly on.

I’m still mad with myself for having said nothing.

Why is this always the excuse on here.

Because they shouldn't be allowed to own a dog, let alone have a child?

What..no ice-cream?

How does that solve the problem

I knew it wouldn't be long before people were falling over themselves to make excuses for this type of thing. Covid, having a bad day, SEN. I'm judgy, I need to wind my neck in.

Bad behaviour affects everyone around you you know. So it is my business and everyone's business.

We could be banned from our sports venue because of repeated bad behaviour from parents and children. I wonder what possible creative excuse someone can think up for a group of young child vandalising inside a building that they shouldn't have even been in. Before that some others were vandalising cars. These are 7 year old children.

You don't care much for your kid if you let them run around in a car park when people are driving in and out.

Scooting around the playground does seem harmless but every week we are asked not to let children do so. It's too busy and causes accidents.

Agreed. A Y1 teacher told me there must be no consequences at home for DS being kept in at break to finish work as he’d been talking and not concentrating - losing a break was enough. That’s fine - I agree with that.

But if my DS was chucking stuff around the classroom and swearing, no ice cream will be had. Instead there will be consequences at home. We have seriously lost sight of what is proper parenting when we excuse everything.

Give the child ice cream if you want, while talking over their problems - but not in front of the other children, as if they're being rewarded for bad behaviour.

Address the behaviour: safeguarding has to come first - that means making sure the the perpetrator is looked after but also that the other children can come to school free from intimidation and physical harm.

I recall some of my pupils complaining to the Head of Behaviour Support that Pupil X was getting treats for bad behaviour.

"No, no. You've got that wrong. He's getting rewards for good behaviour!"

"Aye, but he has to be bad first, isn't that right?"

Children aren't stupid.

@Goldenbear i described several alternatives but they are not as easy as authoritarian.

My point was a lot of parents opt for ignore because they either don't know how to parent effectively or they tried the other methods and they didn't work.

You have raised well mannered children because you were role modelled a positive parenting experience and you passed that onto your children. And because you were receptive to the parenting style your parents chose and so are your children.

A combination of environment, genetics and luck.

In my childhood, many years ago, most families had a DF who went out to work and a DM who stayed at home and brought up the DC, now so many people can't afford to live a half decent life unless both DPs work that they're always pushed for time and don't want to spoil the little time they have together by telling the DC off. With the way the economy is going I can't see that improving.