Why do some people let their children behave so badly?

[Hikingqueen]

Examples I have seen or see on a regular basis.

Children pushing in queues and the parents standing by doing nothing. Such as queuing for the slide at the swimming pool and people allowing their children to barge to the front of the queue.

Parents have been asked by school repeatedly not to let their children scoot or ride bikes in the school playground. Yet every day there are children zooming around nearly crashing into people.

Parents letting their kids run in the road and meekly saying "watch the road" when the kids have already run into the road.

Recently at a sports club my child attends, some young who should have been supervised children badly and deliberately vandalised property.

Letting children run around in car parks even though this is dangerous with cars moving around.

A child at my dcs school has been really badly behaved two days in a row where they've been called to speak to the teacher. Think hitting, swearing at the teacher, walking out of class, swearing at other children, throwing in class. Saw the mum treating the child to an ice cream after school 🤷‍♀️

Letting children run riot in supermarkets running up and down the aisles with trolleys bumping into people.

I've had to step in on more than one occasion over the years where a child has pushed in front my child or seen a child doing something very dangerous and have had a mouthful of abuse to thank for it.

My ds has SEN, but I still need to hold him accountable and responsible for his actions. Just because he has SEN, it doesn't mean that he can go around being abusive. If he assaults someone as an adult, the judge won't be saying "Oh, I see you have SEN. You are of course excused" No, he still needs to learn to function and behave appropriately in society.

I think the queue thing was incredibly annoying but my DC were quite vocal about this and sometimes this stopped kids from pushing in, often it didn’t.

My DD who is 13 has complained to me about very challenging children being rewarded at school with days out at a farm for misbehaving and others who behave don’t get anything was how she expressed it but I didn’t say that life isn’t going to be easy if you don’t learn how to behave so it’s not all great on the horizon. That said, let’s hope it works as we don’t know what’s happening in these DCs life.

Laziness or just being someone who does not like confrontation I think are important reasons.

Not helped by the examples of some in public life and their behaviour, Boris Johnson the worst but not only example.

@Hikingqueen we must live in different countries, as I have not witnessed the collapse in standards of which you speak. In fact, my experience of young folk is that they are better educated, better parented and more well rounded than was the case in the 80s and 90s. I was in fact reminiscing just yesterday about all the vandalism, joy riding and car radio theft of yesteryear. Alas, you just don't see it these days.

I live in England.

I didn't say that there had been a collapse in standards. Or suggest that the majority of children and parents are bad. I'm not comparing now with the 80s/90s or before that.

It's simply an observation that I do see the things I've listed on a fairly regular basis. I genuinely can't understand why some parents stand by and watch their children doing horrible or dangerous things and don't intervene.

Same with my DD. But as a 5 year old child who has been masking all day at school, I don’t think she is naughty for crying/shouting on the bus. I just don’t. I want her to stop just as much as the other passengers , and I do everything I can to soothe her/try to calm her down.

If she goes to kick someone’s seat mid meltdown, I will of course turn her feet away from it. She knows she shouldn’t do it.

So yes, I agree that SEN doesn't mean you can do whatever you want and get away with it. But a meltdown isn’t always something that can be stopped straight away. I can physically restrain her from acting impulsively, but I can’t control the noise until she calms down.

And believe me I’m not just sat on my phone thinking, “Ah well, you’ve got Autism. You let rip girl!” I’m sat there giving her my FULL attention to try and calm her.

@funinthesun19 not the same as what I'm talking about.

If I saw you in that situation I'd be the first to give you a sympathetic smile.

Why should parents discipline something from school? Mess in school stays mess in school

You have got to be kidding? Parents need to take responsibility for their child's behaviour. As far as I'm concerned, the way my dc's behave at school is on me and DH. Yes the teachers have to deal with any incidents in the moment but it's up to us to make sure that those incidents do not happen in the future.

Where do you live? I've not seen much of that near me. Thought it could be a n area culture thing

Exactly, why should you shout and humiliate your child just to put on a show for everyone else.

Sit down quietly and talk to your child like a human being and explain calmly what you expect of them and why their behaviour isn't acceptable.

Much better results than shouting at them in front of the whole park/playground/shopping centre.

I can't stand parents yelling and screaming at their kids, that just teaches them to shout and yell back.
Talk to them calmly and they'll talk calmly back. They learn by example.

There can’t be anything going on in their lives which means hitting others and swearing is acceptable.

It's not always the parenting.
I have 3 dc and 2 of mine are as good as gold and 1 is very strong willed and particularly challenging. They are just different people and what works for the other 2 doesn't work for the other 1. If I only had the easy 2 I'd say I was a great parent and parenting is easy, if I only had the 1 not so easy child I'd think I was a bad parent.

Sometimes it's the really simple things too.

We had a playdate (that included the parents also 🤔) and I served the kids some slices of watermelon. The playdate kids started poking at the watermelon, breaking it up. They then didn't eat it cos it was mush. The parents said not a word. Not one word.

I know. Loads of people can't be bothered and don't want to say 'no' to their kids for some reason. Sick of it

Why should parents discipline something from school? Mess in school stays mess in school
**
And this comment is a prime example of lazy parenting. People seem to think that when their kids are at school, parenting is paused. No wonder there are feral kids in the classroom if parents are giving them a free pass to behave how they like.

No, I’ve not seen this.

I guess people said the same 20 years ago.

When I was still a HoD/Faculty Head (Scotland) we had some parents who switched off their phones as soon as their children left the home.

One time, there was a medical emergency with a pupil and I couldn't get through on any of the emergency contact numbers. In desperation, I phoned the mother's work (nearby).

The father wrote a letter of complaint. The mother was a primary teacher...

They're just awful lazy parents - and they're (sadly) everywhere. I never used to discipline other people's children but I do now when I see really bad behaviour with no one stopping it - I've had a few dirty looks but no one has yet argued back and hopefully it might shame sone of these useless parents into action. Although I doubt it.

Some parents have zero interest in their kids. Why have them then?

Most pot kettle black comment I heard from parents is “Stop fucking swearing”. I mean if you use swear words towards your young children they don’t realise it’s a swear word.

People can be entitled and ignorant. Our school have a no dog rule bur every home time there are parents bringing their dogs in to the playground. Last year a child was quite seriously bitten, but still there are people who ignore the rules.

Yes

Surely you would feel ashamed or embarrassed if your dc was misbehaving at school or is that old fashioned