Male Nursery Staff

[herei]

My child is in Nursery after my return to work. They nursery chain have been hiring make staff recently. My child's nursery has 3 male staff.

My daughter's nappy was changed by a male member of staff. For my own personal reasons I feel upset about this but not sure if I can even say or do anything. I just don't like it.

No wonder men feel reluctant to go into childcare, nursing, teaching. How do they learn how to care for children.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2009/oct/01/vanessa-george-sex-abuse

not worth the risk with women either

It does not matter whether we think you are BU or not.

You are not happy with the staff at this nursery or that it’s not following the correct procedures, so move your child.

We have a male member of staff at DD's preschool... but that is with the 3 and 4 year olds who are already potty trained. Not sure how I would feel about baby room, though I am satisfied that there is a strict safeguarding policy in place.

I will say that he is great- highly trained, very professional, and a good male influence. It's a shame there aren't more men in early years education.

If you don’t like it, take your child out of the nursery. I wouldn’t tell them why you’re leaving though, it doesn’t reflect well on parents that are happy to send their child to nursery but want to pick and choose who cares for them. You either trust the nursery as a whole or you don’t.

Peak Mumsnet

"Wah all the childcare roles are women because men won't do it such oppression"

Man attempts childcare

"Wah get that man away from childcare it's not safe such oppression"

I am normally very progressive, but I wouldn't like this either. When I went to look around DD's nursery there was a male member of staff on the team board and it did put me off.

As pp have said, of course not all men would do something awful, but most sexual assaults are committed by men. Working in a nursery presumably attracts one of two types of men: very caring wonderful ones and ones with awful motivations.

Can you have a word with the nursery manager and explain that you'd prefer DD's ably be changed by female staff only - can they facilitate that?

There are safeguards in place in all good nurseries to ensure no staff member is alone with toileting/nappy changes. Staff change nappies all day long, it's another repetitive task for most of us and part and parcel of the day.

Male staff in early years are amazing. They play and interact differently and for children without consistent male role models in the family environment they are almost essential. All the men I've worked with in early years seem to be far more patient than some of the women.

Why?

Being naturally wary isn't a problem and should be applied to all people having contact with children not just men. Assuming because 98% of sexual crimes are carried out by men therefore all men are risky is wrong if that were the case most of us would be victims as we have fathers and male relatives and family is the riskiest place to be.

I think people need to put things into perspective only a low percentage of children are abused, most risk is at home, sexual abuse is a lower percentage than physical, emotional, or neglect. Be aware ask questions like what is your safeguarding policy, your nappy changing policy etc. read Ofsted reports on management and leadership

Prize for the first idiot comparing lesbians with men.

Vanessa George female nursery worker took photos herself sexually abusing kids in her care.
Not all men are paedophilles and not all women are a safe choice.

Can you have a word with the nursery manager and explain that you'd prefer DD's ably be changed by female staff only - can they facilitate that?

No good nursery manager that values her staff would facilitate that. Why should women do more than their share of the unpleasant jobs just because their manager hired a man?

When you pay someone else to care for your child, you don't get to call all the shots. Remember that there are male nurses, male paediatricians and (most importantly) male fathers.

Thank you for some who are understanding of my position but to answer a few questions.

A make teacher, doctor or nurse
Is not the same thing I won't be leaving my child alone with a nurse or doctor and a teacher won't be changing my nonverbal baby's nappy will they.

Most abusers are relatives
Yes hence why I've said nobody in my family changes my child's nappy.

Would I be any different if it was a women
Yes because most abusers are men fact! And naming one previous women Vanessa George which was 15 years ago. Seriously

Will there be a rise in abuse in nursery settings with more men being employed well let's see in many years to come.

• DBS checks don't mean anything if they have never been convicted.

All the staff men ever involved in my child's care have spoken to me but this man is not, he's a stranger to me and my child.

Also to pp who say their son/ uncle etc is in childcare and your offended. Sorry but my child comes before your right to feel like your hard done by and it's sexist as such. How many people know someone's true sexual desires!! Just because they are a lovely person or relative.

Should I put my child at risk to appear fair and equally to men. No I have a right to safeguard my child from potential risk. If most abusers are men then my child is at more risk from a male staff member changing her nappy compared to female.

My child doesn't need to see a man looking after her in nursery because it sets a good example because guess what she's only 1. Or if she is learning from this is she learning it's ok for an unknown male to be in contact with her genitals? Ok

He’s no more of a stranger to your child than anyone else in the nursery that you haven’t met. You didn’t engage the services of a woman, you chose to use a nursery. That means there could be plenty of people you’ve never met changing your child’s nappy. Nurseries use agency staff all the time even if you don’t do handovers with them.

It’s fine for you to be uncomfortable with it, but this is one of those times where you just have to take it or leave it. You don’t get to change it.

@TinyYellow my child's Nursery doesn't use Agency staff it's different here. Also whoever changes her nappy records their name so i know who's done what.

Haven't read through the whole thread but you feel how you feel.
I would be surprised if this worker was changing nappies alone though with nobody in sight. We always had the door propped open or other staff were within watching distance if that makes sense

If it’s a nursery that is good with keeping records and has a strong enough staff team that they never have to use agency staff, they deserve their parents to trust them.

In principle, I think men should be in Early years and it should be equal. They should be there as role models.

However, when I was looking for a nursery for DD - I rejected one nursery as it had two male members of staff. Of course, I didn’t state that as a reason - but it did influence me.

Similarly, even within my friends and family - I’d only want DD’s Dad, and no other male to change a nappy. It is an intimate thing to do.

I’ve worked in nurseries, and I do feel nappy changing needs : a clear policy, proper training etc. I want another member of staff around if I change, not only to protect the child, but to protect me if an accusation was made.

Unfortunately - if an accusation was made, or in extremely worst case scenario - something DID happen, it is statistically most likely to be a male involved. Males do tend to commit these type of offences more than women (although you can find exceptions) - or it’s a woman being influenced by a man.

@herei

Then don't use a nursery or look after the child yourself. Just because you think it's wrong doesn't mean it's wrong, this a a YOU problem, not the nursery.

@CoatRack

Speak for yourself. I don't want any man "attempting childcare". No fucking thanks.

And when it comes to my own child (rather than some force-fed theoretical collection of ideas that tend to corrupt sanity these days ) I did indeed choose not to send my DS to a particular nursery after spotting two male workers who, to make matters worse, looked still in their teens sort of young. I wouldn't hire a male nanny or anyone that young- I can't see why would I make a different decision when it comes to choosing a nursery.

I was groomed and sexually abused by a male teacher/tutor at 10 years of age. Taking away the opportunity from predators to do similar to my child, has been a cornerstone of my parenting. There is no ideology in this world that would make me ashamed of it. None.

It's fine for you not to like it.
However, the nursery are allowed, and imo should, employ both women and men in the childcare role.

If you don't like t your option is to re,over your child from the nursery and find alternative female-only childcare.

Honestly op, no I wouldn't entrust my child to that nursery.

I work in education by trade. When I was younger and naive I would be very outspoken about my super progressive views. I even questioned male members of staff who wanted to swap with me for pe so they wouldn't see the girls changing. In 15 years I never came across a man who would do this and they all point blank refused. Oh how horrid and sexist I thought.

Then I started working in eyfs and realised how difficult it is for children to communicate and how much self care they need.

Staff I had previously been at loggerheads with asked me to do my own safeguarding research. This coupled with having my own child made me realise my own feelings about equality are not as important as safeguarding children.

Male staff absolutely have their place in eyfs. But I do think they should be targeted roles and not self care (yes I know that means women will be left with the shit work, it used to annoy me no end my male colleagues never had to cover in nappyland! I now realise how that simple thing was a safeguarding measure).

For myself with nursery I wouldn't send a child in to a nursery where a male provided intimate care.

I also didn't send my children in till three and they could comfortably name their private parts, know what should be happening in a nappy change and which areas are private.

I don't let male relatives change my child, apart from my husband who I trust and has a proven track record of working with children. I don't let adults outside the immediate family see my children in the bath.

My husband was abused by a male babysitter who was deemed harmless by the community so he agrees with me.

I will review my position when 98 % of males don't commit sexual crimes. Safeguarding first. Social justice Feelgoods second.

Yes, I realise I will never take it down to zero, but am not putting a male desire to work in a low paid field dominated by women above my own knowledge on lowering risk.

And it's very annoying that posters always say how wonderful male eyfs workers are. Ime, it's because they don't follow the curriculum and just play Disney dad all day and ignore any professionalism.

So I'd move them. I'm a coward though so I probably wouldn't say why.